Wow, its been awhile since I looked at this thing. Its such a gloombucket. Glad life dosent suck as much as it used to. If you guys still want to contact me, check out my myspace. www.myspace.com/nemisis0420 well, Its been so long since I even touched this thing, I doubt anyone will see this message but at least I can say I left it here.

I think im done with this diary.

Yay, today = 19 years old for me.

How come noone comments on my diary anymore.

Hey, Just finsished recording our cd, its quite sexy. still gotta master it now. Oh and just a little sidenote to the people who said it was impossible, hearing this cd would be a great big dickintheface to you.

Ive been thinking alot about death lately, and how it dosent really seem all that bad. A little inviting actually. What is there to fear about death anyway, all it is is the abstention of life. maybe just a little bit inviting.

Our most recent concert Im the sexy one in the middle with the SEXIFIED guitar, well ok im not sexy but my guitar is!

I'm seein red Don't think you'll have to see my face again don't have much time for sympathy Cuz it never happened to me You feelin blue now I think you bit off more than you could chew And now it's time to make a choice And all I wanna hear is your... So follow the leader down And swallow your pride and drown When there's no place left to go Maybe thats when you will know Follow the leader down And swallow your pride and drown When theres no place left to go Maybe thats when you will know And foolish lies well can't you see I tried to compromise Cuz what you say ain't always true And I can see the tears in your eyes And what you said now Can't stop the words from running through my head And what I do to get through to you But you'd only do it again So follow the leader down And swallow your pride and drown When there's no place left to go Maybe that's when you will know Follow the leader down And swallow your pride and drown When there's no place left to go Maybe that's when you will know Well I confess, I don't know what to make from all this mess Don't have much time for sympathy But it never happened to me You Feelin down I don't know where i'll be when you come around And now it's time to make a choice, And all I wanna hear is your voice... I feel so fucking pointless.

Karen is Shadowing me at school tommorow, its wierd. Umm, lets see, I dont really write in this too much anymore cause Ive got a xanga. But I shall keep this alive anyway. My life is kinda yucky right now, I just want to hurry up and graduate.

I personally find my life to be boring, so I dont have anything to write about.

Some people in my life are starting to piss me off, so my soloution is simple, im about to graduate, im going to stop talking to the people who piss me off, save a 5-6 people thats almost everyone, I will start my social life over. Im sick of ass holes.

I really wish I could trust people. Apparently not.

I just had the best weekend of my life. she is so pretty.

right so I might have a saturday where I have nothing to do. And I have a friend that I havent spoken to in YEARS. I found her phone number....I want to call, I know she will probably be thrilled to hear from me, or not, but Im so nervous, I dont know why. I dont know if Im going to do it or not.

I gave blood yesterday. Im still too dizzy and tired to type. byebye.

When skin and razor meet and embrace a line of blood is born The mascara runs down her face as her soul is tattered and torn her plastic smile is met by a thousand critical eyes and it seems that her pain is pointless strife as she tries to deal and wants to heal from the hell that is her life The razor cuts in deeper now as she winces from the pain Because the trials of her everyday life are every day the same She thinks she's shutting out her problems with a quick flick of her wrist And the wound still not yet dry fades into the thick black mist As she sits and tries to think of one person from whom she'd be missed She now knows its grown too late to avoid deaths final kiss And from her seat in this dark room she stares at her reflection as shadows dance around her face to contrast her complection Finally she is prepared to face the fear of life abstention And with one final cut she rests her head to complete her only intention to fade from this world without a noise to minimize her pain as her warm red life runs down her arms into the bathtub drain. -Me (you better comment!!!)

well, Im probably not going anywhere on saturday, so im stuck in this stupid shithole again. oh well, just keep thinking, less than four months! Im almost there, Im getting a little bit restless in the complete lack of freedom that is my school. screw it. When I get out of here im going to have the time of my life.

not much time to type. Just wanted to throw in an update. Things are going pretty well, nothing new to report, Im looking foward to saturday so of course, the week is going by quite sloooooowly. but its wednesday already! yay. Im not even half way through the week yet.

I feel useless. and I feel like giving up on certain people. The world is a fucked up place, and people get screwed over, and all I can fucking do is try to offer my love and support, or an overly cliche' statement like "I hope things work out" or "Hope you feel better tommorow!" give me a fucking break, who the fuck ever had thier problems fixed by being told to feel better. I know my efforts are fruitless, but really, I dont know how to help, so all I can do is try. And It never helps. The fucking line "I love you" is used so fucking often by the human race, and most of the time its fake. I dont lie about these sort of things but because of what a plastic statement these words have been made out to be, it means nothing to anyone when I try to convince them that I actually do fucking care. But being kept in the dark and made to feel useless just makes me want to rip my fucking heart out. I see people I love, being hurt, letting themselves be hurt, and I dont know how to help, and even if I did I couldnt because the problem "dosent involve me" and i get shut out. News FUCKING flash, If I love and care about someone, then whats bothering them is bothering me. I dont give a shit if they believe that or not, when I care about someone, even if they wont tell me what it is thats bothering them, its bothering me, its my problem as well. I dont know, Im not a fucking saint, im far from it, I have many many flaws, I make mistakes like anyone else. But the one thing I have going for me is that when I tell someone I care, I MEAN IT. When I tell someone I want to help, I WANT TO HELP. Well Im not going to give up. I dont care if im not making a difference, im going to sure as fuck try anyway, the people I care about deserve no less. And I dont feel secure unless the people around me feel secure too. I just want someone to be comfortable with me loving them...

Well, the concert was a complete sucess and went better than anyone was expecting. much better. We had over a hundred and fifty people in attendance, not including alot of the personal friends of the band, and evryone just went crazy and had a great time, I wasnt nervous at all. We walked out on stage and just started playing, it was the best thing in the world. The band got TONS of fan mail after the show and lots of compliments, plus a few offers to play elsewhere. we made over $350 on cd and tee shirt sales and it should be enough for us to record a new album. over all it was an AMAZING success and I cant wait for the next one.