But I think I just shot her son 'Cause he owed me money, with a bullet in the chest you cannot run. Now he's bleeding in a vacant lot (the one in the summer where we used to smoke pot). I guess I didn't mean it But man, you should've seen it... His flesh Explode. Slow motion, see me let go. We tend to die young. Slow motion, see me let go, What a brother knows. Slow motion see me let go...

Fuck. Yeah, I won't know what I'm talking about two months from now. So be it.

LITERACY?! What's all this nonsense? It seems that every time I come back to this place, I feel the need to boast about "how far I've come". Does it bother you? Well then fuck off and go read some one else's diary. Anyway, humpback whales are easily the ugliest whales that have ever graced the ocean. But they still manage to maintain an air of such majesty and grace. I don't even remember why I initially decided to write this. I believe that I had something to say, but it's gone by now. Oh well... It's nice to be able to just... relax. I've been out every day for the last two weeks, at least. Grundel is a very demanding friend. I like going out most nights, but I need to chill the fuck out every now and again. The reproductive process of herring is absolutely disgusting. It's just a sea of white off the shore... I'm watching the Discovery Channel presently, if you haven't discerned that already. And now Bryan is trying to get me to this party. I don't want to fucking go, I'm already tired and I have work at 8 in the god damned morning. Christ. Ugh. So I guess I'll leave you with that. I need to take my contacts out and get something to drink. Good night, SuchIsThis community. I hope that you find the diary of another more interesting than I to quell your insatiable boredom.

Odd how a almost year passed by in 11 entries... and a year and a quarter passed by in 12... I have too many of these... and this one gets neglected the most...

heh... I just noticed that hissing has completely reversed it's connotation to me since college... but that's not why I made this... How much do digital video cameras cost on average? not nice ones, just one that does what it's intended to do... Anyway... I think I've decided that I want to get married... have a kid... have a family... I do hate kids, but I wouldn't hate my kid. As long as I did everything right and waited until I was financially secure and settled in with my wife and all that nonsense... I do want that... just... I don't want to start yet. I can't settle down yet, and I think that was a big part of why I may have started to distance myself from Claire, because if we had continued like we were going around March or April, I may have never experienced some of the things that I've already experienced in college. That's why in retrospect, I'm so ridiculously relieved that Suzy's mom didn't let us get back together. That's why even right now I'm refusing to let myself like some one on a level any deeper than their physical attractiveness (although it's proving rather difficult sometimes with one of my old friends... and that's also why thinking of her sometimes scares the crap out of me...) but anyway... I don't really know what the purpose of this is... I should probably be focusing on the final I have to take in an hour and a half... I'm too excited to get this semester over with... I've fucked it up too much, I need next semester to rectify things... Tomorrow at 7, it'll all be over...

I found this down in my list of entries, and for some reason it was private. I read it and liked it so I'm reposting it... "xMilktheDummy: but she is in love with him ItsMillerTime904: that doesn't make sense either xMilktheDummy: why not? ItsMillerTime904: you might as well be in a japanese prison and in love with the guy who fires a nail gun into each of your hands and feet every day befor covering you in shallow cuts and throwing you into a vat of salt xMilktheDummy: yah, but still love is weird. xMilktheDummy: like shed do anything for him xMilktheDummy: which is nuts but, if i was in her position id prolly do the same thing. i feel like the bad guy in the movie's who's all "bah, love is for the weak," but i don't care. I'm surrounded by sentimental retards. Human nature should dictate that people avoid that which causes them pain, yet sentiment causes them to do exactly the opposite. I don't care if you tell some one that you love them, if you say that you'd do anything for them, that's all well and good to an extent, but to continuously put yourself in a position where you know for a fact that you're going to get hurt within the week for the seventh straight time, that's fucking retarded. It can only mean that they're not in love with the person... they're in love with pain... go ahead and tell me "that's because you've never been in love." That'll only tell me that you, also, are an idiot masochist who has never known the TRUE embrace of love."

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? ...i don't even know if I looked in a mirror today 2. When is the next time you will have sex? who knows 3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?" spore 4. Favorite planet? your mom (I'm sorry, that was just too perfect. It's two different "your mom" jokes rolled into one) 5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile? Claire 6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? If I had Crazy Frog, that'd be it 7. What shirt are you wearing? Billabong T-shirt 8. Do you "label" yourself? ...not really 9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing? no llavo zapatos (I can't believe i remembered how to say that) 10. Bright or Dark Room? that I'm in or that I prefer? 11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? she's a little bit annoying 12. What were you doing at midnight last night? I think I was on the phone with Claire, but she may have gone to bed earlier than midnight, in which case I was playing Kingdom Hearts 13. What did your last text message you received on your mobile phone say? "Are you home yet?" 14. Where is your mailbox? ...in front of my house 15. What's a word that you say a lot? the 16. What did your hair look like today? I didn't 17. Last furry thing you touched? hell, i don't remember 18. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? a billion 19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? I don't do pictures 20. Who was the last person you had a random meeting with? I don't do random meetings. I pretend like I don't know people 21. Favorite age you have been so far? ||shrug|| 22. Your worst enemy? Jim 23. What is your current desktop picture? Dragon 24. What was the last thing you said to someone? on line, out loud, or in person? 25. If you had to choose between a million dollars, or being able to fly? million dollars 26. Do you like someone? very much so. 27. The last song you listened to? Boulevard of Broken Dreams in my car on the way home... 28. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet? online, on the phone, or in person? (N Y N in that order) 29. If you could punch 1 person in the face who's in your life right now who would it be? whoever the guys were that made passes at my fucking girlfriend 30. What is the closest object to your left foot? this laptop (I'm sitting indian style)

you know, you're not really waiting unless your sitting indian style... ||waits||

and i will have had this diary for one year in like... 7 days... ridiculous...||sigh|| she's at work, has been for only half an hour, but it feels like it's been all day. I didn't get to say goodbye to her, because i didn't see the little thing at the bottom of the screen flashing untill she had already left... gaaay... but whatever... I'm still visiting her tonight... whenever she has her break... it's all good i spose... I have to explain shit to my mom if I ever make a decision... god damnit... oh well, at least now i have time to make some shit up...

tea is better than coffee... no doubt...

and like thirty seconds later she responds... meh... i'm still confused... w/e...

so... i guess we're not talking any more then? ||shrug|| w/e, up to you... and since you're the one not responding i guess... w/e

lol my brother's such a noob at stealing shit... yeah that football game was sooo friggin long and boring... and then claire had to leave early and wasn't allowed out after... Lakewood sucks... their fb team and their band... friggin like 10 ppl... ||sigh|| and i could be getting three more hours rather than sitting here on my ass doing nothing... i g2 take a shower... and then i gotta be at Silver Bay Elem.(which i have no idea how to get to btw) for the team event thingy... so yeah. i'ma go... and btw, i'm not actually in a bad mood. i just felt like writing, and the events that are happening probly should lead me to a bad mood. but i'm seeing claire tonight. so i'm happy. see? ^^

and you know i'm gonna steal her life... she doesn't even knew it's wrong... yeah I know i'm gonna make her die... take her where her soul belongs... I know I'm gunna steal her life... nothin' that I wouldn't try... ...my sinner girl...

why the hell doesn't duct tape stick to glass anyway? I can't find any fucking stores that sell rear view mirror adhesive!! i hate life!

so who here has a license? that's right, I do.

Claire=mine and you can't have her, what now.

don't say the word rather too much. It begins to not sound like a word. Just like fossil. rather... a fossil of rathers... rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather rather fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil fossil ...ok I'm dun...

how is the solution as simple as that. It can't be. Maybe I was trying too hard? meh. I hope it works this time. I don't wanna hurt her again.

ok. I how did she get my screen name? I guess she probably got my phone number from the survival guide... if she starts calling my cell phone, I'm gunna flip out. cuz only three people in band know it, and if one of them tells her... I won't be able to escape... Moving on, I'm getting antsy. I want to do something. But I have to wait until claire returns home. it's getting on my nerves. We haven't even decided what we're doing yet... I'm hungry. bye.