theres nothing i can do to stop myself from smiling around him/thinking of him/dreaming of him/ hell i just sit in class then look like a fool cuz i have this huge ass smile on my face cuz of him. i like it tho. =) heeeeeee. ya sure its easy to make me smile, but nobody knows how much it means to me when i smile and laugh. when he makes me smile and laugh it makes me love him 83756983745635698765682856 times more cuz for thee longest time i didnt smile. that whole stupid depression thing was gay. i found out i really was depressed. wtf. anyways im not anymore and so i appriciate every day, every second i have with him cuz he pulled me out of it. he prolly doesnt even know it, but he did pull me out of hell. saved my life. wow... come to think of it, he really honestly saved my life. if it wasnt for him and me trying to get back to him i would be in las vegas for good right now. cuz i'd have no reason to want to do good to come back to ventura, no one to support me and tell me whats right, so i'd be a fuckin whore on some street corner pumped up with drugs and alcohol looking like shit. i was really leading myself in that direction. god i was a fucking idiot. shoot me. well at least im doing good now. and i have nooooo idea what the fuck i was thinking back then. sadness has a huge effect on me i guess. its so kool cuz now i have NO desire to do any of that stuff. none of it. im just like, "ew" to it all. its kool n im proud of myself. thank you baby for saving me.