This started out as a letter to my best friend/confidant. cuz it ell her eeverything. but now that i've said it, i feel so good. so i'll post it. IT NEVER ENDS!!!! -sigh- call me. call me call me. i need someone to tell my pathetic sob story to. *whines* i might as well just tell you now. everything is so wrong. i felt so good about being over him just a few days ago and i think i still am cuz what ever was there before, i dont think is there anymore. I mean i def. dont think he's cute or anything anymore. but as far a prioritizing goes, on his list...im last. and i think it's always been that way, it's just that i never saw it before. i think im all sad becuase im seeing for the first time, all the things that were happening before, but i was too blind to see. Like how i think there's another girl that he's...idk. but i think he likes this girl at his school,which would explain that time when his friend came over and he was all casual and when his friend left, he got all affectionate. Damn one sided conversations. I hate how you cant read ppl's wall-to-wall convos unless ur friends with both of them. But yea. I really think that there's someone else.Cuz he was talking to this girl and it's like he likes her friend. So...that's that. And then i have no idea what's going on between him and his ex, cuz she's being waaayy too nice to him.she commented on one of his pics and she was all "what a stud" and then the comments that i showed you yesterday. And then one of his friends who lives in Texas was all "how are thing btween you and jessi?" [cuz that's her name] and those damned one sided conversations, i have no idea what he said. And then... he's been outa town for who gives a damn how long and just told me today, after i gave him my new number for who knows what dumb ass reason, he was all "mmk. i'll call you when i get a chance. i've been outa town lately" or some shit along those lines. and then like he told evryone else in their little indian cult. cuz apparently they all know. And then, and then, and then... i was all "thanks for telling me >:( " and he was all "lol" WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? not LOL. it's the mother fucking opposite of LOL. fuck lol. damn. i oughta shove that damn lol up his fucking ass! NOT LOL. IT'S NOT FUCKING LOL. AAAAHHHHH.damn. -heavy breathing- but it pisses me off to no end... and then what else happened?...there's something becuase i am so mad i could seriously go on some psycho arsen fest and burn everything in sight down.Idk. but i'll probably find something else. Becuase Capitan Hormone cant keep it in his pants. jeez. and on top of everything else... he was a total bitch to greg that time. i mean i was totally shocked. i mean i still kinda am.ugh. so now... that girl who's friend i am convinced he likes...no i mean...really...it was one sided, but it seemed kinky enough...i mean it involoved nudity and midriff and an unmentioned amount of delectibles...and the words... "booty call". but it was followed by a "jk" and and and...she was like "you're so nasty" and i dont even want to know what was said but at the same time i do. OMG. im so mad. i have a sailors mouth. But, i cant really explain it. Beucase i kinda feel like all this anger is justified simply because all of this was going on and i had not the slightest idea. It's like i was being lied to. Who knows how many other girls there were? I could be anything from 1 to 100 who knows. it would work out too cuz there's one at his school, then im in a diff county...there's one in Illinois...and who knows where else. I mean it's not like we talk and it's not like we'd ever meet and if we did...what are the chances of him coming up in the conversation? OmFg.im so mad. It's like that anger when you find out that your boyfriend was cheating on you...you know you're pissed and then you're betrayed...so it's like a mixture of sadness and anger...which is dangerous, cuz if the girl's crazy she will cut you and the other girl. But i dont think im THAT mad, it's not like we were going out, we were FWB. isn't that something to be proud of.But im mad none the less. And that other girl at his school...i think her name is grace... she under any other circumstances...this would've worked REALLY well.I would've been clueless and completly smitten. But i've learned to trust VERY few people. So.. i was bored and i was myspacing.which was when i saw the cult picture and the comments, which helped me get off the fence and decide that i was better off without him. Then i was bored again and looked for something else to re-enforce the fact that i was so clearly over him. Then i found all of the above mentioned information. So if i could just get that girl to accept me as a friend...then i'd make up a story and try and convince her that i swear i know her from somewhere becuase her name looks so familiar.lies.lies.lies. and in the mean time...find the wall posts and get both sides of the story. And then...the thing is...i dont have a way to approach him with this...so maybe it's not time...i'll wait it out, but slowly move away. Maybe i cant confront him with it, but as long as i know, or have my suspicions...then i can start changing. I mean, im not really the kind of person who'll make a big deal out of something. Beucase honestly, when it comes to guys, i go in with both eyes wide SHUT.i dont pay attention to anything. as long as im happy and content for the time being, he could be impregnating the world and im looking the other way. But with this...it's serious. i put so much of myself out there...I was serious about this guy. Like dead serious. Like SARS serious. and i guess after a while i woke up and saw that something wasn't right. I had that feeling for a REALLY long time, but i always thought that it was becuase i was insecure and since everything was going so well that i must have thought that something like this could never happen to me. Things were working out too well.But i was right something wasn't right.It just took me longer to realize what that something was. And this time, I dont even feel stuoud for liking him in the first place. And i dont feel bad about being absolutly and terribly furious at him. It's about time I found out anyway. And im glad i found out too. I am woman. Hear me roar. *RAWR*