So, unsurprisingly i had another battle with myself today. Funny thing with a fight with yourself. No matter how you turn out in the end, you always lose in one way or another. For better or for worse. Either way, it is that loss that gets to me. Even if for the better, the fact that i had that confrontation inside of me mean that i had a fight in the first place that i was caused to lose to. A battle inside of yourself isn't fun. The battle i had today had both endings to the story. I lost and won. For better and worse. Had clarity through the fog, yet at the same time the fact of the concept for which the battle took place gave me a sadness i hate. The kind of sadness where you don't want to live. Not the kind where you want to die, but the kind where you don't want to do anything. Sad thing is that even not living feels too hollow to actually do.