Dear Diary, Why doesn't anyone love me anymore? Why don't they try to include me in their lives? Why does it hurt this bad? No matter where I go or how far I go I always end up back here. Right in this place of feeling pushed away and not wanted. I feel like I'm an item that at one point was cherished, but I've grown old and lost my charm. Now, I'm just thrown in a box labeled "JUNK" and people scrumage through, picking items, moving me from side to side. I'm the last remaining object. And although the box says FREE, no one wants me. What do you do when no one will take you?

I'm hurting because I'm alone. I'm alone because ____ Actually I don't know why I'm alone, it must be because people don't feel about me the same anymore. Everyone is drifting from me So I'm gonna distance myself, get ready kids.

Man. I am so unbelieveably happy right now. Like nothing can get me down at this moment. It has been awhile since I have had this intense feeling rush over me & take complete control of all my emotions, I can't stop myself from smiling & I'd imangine that if I was to laugh right now... all that would come out would be childish giggling. I just keep taking deep breaths & trying to soak all of this in. Like I think about what's going on in my life right now & everything is going great. It feels good to be alive. Boy oh boy I know this all sounds corny, but who cares... envy me people. I might cry tonight over this, I just might.

& here is where I poor out my soul. My battered & bruised & betrayed soul. It hurts so much to know youre not good enough & you can't help but feel like you will never be good enough for anyone. That is the feeling that I have reached at this moment. I find it so hard to take a deep breath & go over my great qualities that make me, me. All I can say is fuck that. If I am so great than why do I have to face so much pain & rejection, answer that oh great & mighty special soul of mine. well I've downed enough night time medicine to kill these tears streaming down my face.

She hates me right now. He doesn't like me anymore, he likes someone else. & my tears have never tasted so bitter.

i hate my reflection.

uhh i dont even know how to smile. i like seriously dont like anyone around me i sware, like no effense or anything but everyone that is in my life at this moment i do not like. dont take this up the ass if you read it. i know this is just a phase.

::sigh:: I am still happy. it's just that.. nothing ever seems to go my way. Just once I wish that I could get what I want. I've waited patiently while everyone around me has had their turn. How come I keep getting skipped. What the fuck did I do for this, or lack there of. waiting for me to turn into we holding my breath clutching my sheets I bury my head into my pillow no one can hear me scream louder & longer this time you are so beautiful to me

I've been so happy lately. & I've been hanging out with alot of my friends & I just finally feel like I'm a teenager & I get to live a carefree life with out being so sad all the time. I do miss her though [you know you are] & although my life is changing I want her to be my constant. I'm just so happy. I never thought I'd say it, but I really do love my life.

You: no one could ever fill the space you occupy. You: You could never be replaced. Me: you are wrong.. I was right. / 3 [broken] Slowly, but surely... You're letting me go.

LIFE is a series of choices. & I doubt mine daily. directions: close eyes / picture a place / picture the people /feel it / feel it / feel it. I can feel it now. I can smile now. I'm in it now. open your eyes. & it's all gone. I close my eyes so I can picture everything I've ever wanted. oh well, it's nice to dream.

Odd feelings. I don't know if it's just the fact that I spend 3 days with people with out a moment of alone time & than I go straight to 4 days of utter loneliness, but I feel odd. No one calls. No one invites me anywhere. I always have to initiate plans. I feel like the hugest tag-a-long ever. Why do you not include me in your life if it is during the week when I am not with you? Do you really think that it doesn't faze me? OH how incredibly wrong you are. Please, won't someone let me feel like I mean something to you. Even that is too much to ask for these days They don’t even notice my attempts to squeeze into there lives, they come off as if they could care less about what I feel. Ah yes. In 4 more days I can start another year of my life. Let’s hope this one is filled with promise.

Best boy friend & I have hooked up an additional 2 times now. But. He. Refuses. To. Kiss. me. during the hookup ; he is touchy & intimate after the hook up ; he rolls over for sleep That is not right & I know it. I know we are not together... but we are friends... & than I felt really uncomfortable When he talked about our hook-up to my friends. Let’s just say that I thought something happened that didn't & seeing that they decided to talk about it [After I went home] Now I look like and idiot. I know I'm being foolish.

Last night was disgusting. drinking + sadness + confessions = fuckkk Not only did I get drunk when I've been bottling up hidden emotions from my friends for awhile now. I also decided that; it seemed like a good time to confess to one of my great boy best friends, that there are feelings there. Big Mistake. Get to the point... Outcomes; 1. boy best friend doesn't want to hurt the friendship. [Of course] 2. girl best friend wants to dump boyfriend, because she thinks she has to make a decision between the two. [She doesn't] 3. I have a new little wound to hide from mom due to a nifty little razor. let’s complicate things... tonight, while lying in bed, boy best friend kissed Me. mixed signals much?! Nope. It’s obvious to me. I’m screwed.

Note to Self: You are not going to like this, but here goes. Everyone around you is pairing up & you are embarking on a journey of lonliness. It does have a nice ring to it. - sarcasm... of course. I have so many great friends & for that I'm blessed. & although these friends of mine are so great.. they are so limited, but at least I can say that they are real. But... Now it seems that all of them are getting boyfriends & girlfriends which leaves you alone. You don't have a special anyone which is pathetic by it's self, but now you don't even have any one to share the lonliness with. It's like you can be really lonely & still be capable of sharing that with someone else.. or You can be lonely & share it truely by yourself. I fucking hate you. askdjahsh/// You disgust me.

Mr. Best Friend & Miss. Best Friend. Amazement, the way I feel with them in my life. I don't even know what I would do with out them. Possibly I would die. . I just can't help, but feel euphoric for my gains. Undescribable the amount of security felt when around these two people. Such eminent people. They are so real. I love you mister and miss so much, I hope a day without you never exsists. [sigh] thank you for being you.

So Cliche. My [heart] is placed at the end of the street with a 'FREE' sign taped oh so delicately across it. Everyone drives by, but no one will stop. It's not appealing enough. -This is pretty much the best analogy to describe my ever dying efforts towards boys- Seriously, I'm fucking over it. I don't want anything to do with such malice boys. For each boy that hurts me in some way a tear of blood weeps from this heart. And on days like this, I clasp this drained heart, and pray for the one to resuscitate yours dear and truly. [♥]

I'm so sick. Sick of letting you use me. I'm so tired. Tired of letting you use me. Noticing the repetition? That's right. Question: Why is it that I can give you my all with nothing expected, except for maybe a smile*, and yet you walk away without one glance, one Fucking glance towards me as you walk away accomplished? __________________________________________ *[ For those who might not remember what a smile is, because of the lack of one lately, I thought I'd provide you with a handy defintion ] Smile: Noun 1. A facial expression characterized by an upward curving of the corners of the mouth and indicating pleasure, amusement, or derision. __________________________________________ May I continue... I would like to be appreciated and enjoyed because their is know one else like me. I would like to be accepted with all obvious and not so obvious flaws enclosed in the deed. I wish to be wanted

A walk through the forest, where darkness prevails - And the bridge falls down - The coldest night consumes my body with the fear of anxiety ready to attack. All alone in a place that I wish dearly to never be apart of. The night is so dark that there is nothing that lays in front of me that i cannot create already in the back of my mind; in the place where the deepest of all feelings undergo schemes of non exsistance. A pointless tactic of hope to live the 'normal' life. Fighting back the faintest whisper causes me to choke on words that I wasn't even planning on producing. The symptoms of a [♥] in need ___________________________________________ OMFG!$* look how pathetic you are.... Wandering aimlessly can become quite tiring. My candle is useless because my wick is cut short and my wax is burned out. No light to guide me when i need it the most of all. <3