well its time agin for me to move around yet agin this time i have much more going my way i have a women who i love and loves me dearly, a chance to succeed, and postive thoughts about my future and how happy ill be. everyday i think about how my life is changed becuse of the way "she" makes me feel. i say "she" cuz theres no one like her she deserves all the """"" in the would cuz she is very uniqe and i dont care if you dont think that makes since i think it makes all the since in the world "because" . i look back a year ago from today i was just starting to be half-way single wondering if i was in the right relationship questioning if its going anywere and if there is a "better" person for me out there. i think about if i could change anything and i wouldnt. not because i was happy but just the fact i would have never ended up were and what and as happy as i am today and for that i thank you ( you know who you are ) i really dont even know if that person reads my diry or for that matter cares. my point in this is that if i even change just a little bit of what happend i would have missed out on the gratest thing that ever happend to me , wal-mart , no not becuase i like to shop there just the simple fact i meet the most amazing person in the world there. my diry reads like a never ending love story . and funny thing is my life now reads like a romantic noval full of love and never ending bliss.

nothing much is going on in my life right now other then i feel really happy and accepted more then i ever have in my entire life. as we all do i sometimes think bad things about my self like the way i look or my health. and my mentel state. (yes sometimes i think iam crazy) but even tho i still feel the most accepted a person can feel tara truly makes me happy more happy then i could ever imagin. i wana go to so many concerts coming up well 3 but still its alot for a person who dosnt get out much . lamb of god and all that remains isplaying here in scranton and hypocercy,soilwork and darktranquillity is playing in philly then a week later children of bodom are playing i cant go to all the shows so its a tuff desion. my mom wants me to vist some time around her b-day ide love to but i dunno if i can affored it atm. it would be a nice b-day gift to her tho i miss her alot and i can tell she misses me just by the way she never wants to get off the phone with me. its weird how much affection a person will show someone when there not around. my father is still the same nice when iam gone ass when iam there. but i even miss him a tad. that is all for now laters

noone ever reads this shit = /

i asked tara to merry me :) she said yes . she honestly is the best thing that has ever happend to me and my misserbale life well was misserbale . i have found a whole new reason to live and a driving force to keep going and look twords the future insted of thinking negitive things. its amazing i rember the first day i saw her i didnt meet her i just looked at her cuz she was very cute. i sat across from her on the right of the brake room i wanted to talk to her so bad but i have a really low self estem issue and at the time i was dateing. something about her just made me feel weird like i knew her already little did i know ide be spending my life with her there a few months after i first saw her. talking to her is just as amazing from when i first spoke to her in the back of wal-mart in the reciving area. we talked about nothing just about things we like almost everything i said she liked or does or watches. she gave me a tape one day of the music she listins to and she placed a letter iside the tape holder and i had no idea it was there = /. my x-g/f at the time found it and threw it out 2 days after i broke up with her and was about to be homeless. ide go threw it all agin as long as i get tara at the end. i miss my never be4 read letter :(. but i actully have tara so iam happpier then i ever thought was possable. i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with her by my side. tara u would mean the world to me but the world dosnt have enough meaning to hold that comment and i dubt i ever will the only thing i can compare my love for you to is your love for me .

feeling a lil achy heh just got off work and i cant sleep not much to say no one reads this shit anyway . last few weeks have been a real learning experince. ive learned how to give a little more acceptanceness twords things like drinking i dont drink heavy but i do drink a little now i did feel bad before but iam over it now . i see the good side of drinking in steed of the bad side wich is getting tottly wasted to the point were u cant walk or stay somewhat alert. it takes my mind of the current things that bother me . like my damn pc keeps fugin up. lol my computer drover me to drinking. iam still aginst my normal things tho like smokeing or any drugs i wont ever be able to ease up on thoes. some things on my mind atm are future things like school and relationship wise. i honestly dont know if me and tara will be togather for as long as i would like but iam willing to give it some time . i do love her alot but iam not sure if i would want to stay in pa my whole life. it really depends on everything so i cant really say now. so ive decided to just not worry about it and just let things happen if its ment to be there shouldnt be a prob. but i do understand that sometimes u gotta compermise and were both learning that. i really missed my family over the holladays iam kinda used to being away from them this is the second year i was away for christmas and new years, so my mom was upseat so was the rest of my family my cusins wanted me to come back heh. its funny tho how u love someone when there so far away but when there just 20 miles away its like u never left and u see them everyday. i guess its the fact that u know u cant see someone that bothers people, even kids. well iam gona either go to sleep or find something eles to do laters

iv been in the oddest moods lately . ive been extremly happy but sad and misserable at the same time. all i can hope for is the best i love her alot that wont change.

things are getting weird here ive been here for almost a week maby a little over and i cant feel that iam boreing tara to death. even tho she says iam not i still feel that way. were not as identical as i first thought i still love her the same but have relized our diffrances and iam not shoocked or anything . i knew we had to be diffrent in some ways. its funny tho the things i figured we would have diffrances are wrong and the things i thought would be the same are wrong haha funny how things work out. we amuze each other alot i cant go 10 min without laughing with her .she is a vary funny person. and i seem to do the same for her. music wise i like 40% of her music while she dosnt care for mine really much at all. and what i mean by that is i sometimes crave to listin to some of the bands she likes she never bothers to put on anything i like . it dosnt bother me but i just had a diffrent impression before.i honestly do miss a connection with anyone in my music chad was my outlet in texas here i find just myself likes my music.maby taras cusin derek will come vist he is a really cool dude and i think me and him will be good friends.thoes are just little things that dont mean a whole lot to me i still love her the same .i have felt vary gulty being with her and iam trying to overcome it.but when i see the obvious its kinda hard to get over it.slowly iam trying talking is the key writeing helps and ill go do that now laters

i went to see fear factory today and it beat my ass offthe first band sucked ass but after that it was good trivium was awsome to . the last time i saw fear factory they sucked ass and i was mad at them but this show prooved me there back . they played stuff from concret and demanufacture . its really good that dino is out of the band. well one more day and i see my baby iam soo excited i cant wait iam gona be living with her soooo excited i love her sooo much well iam tired and my ears are ringing later

blah i dunno what to talk about i sleept till 3 today. i love sleeping my life away. not really but ya know. this song rules. i wana go see a show i need to get out some aggresion fear factory will be hear the 20th i wana go .my baby is in a perdicamnet i wish i was there to help her out and be there for her :(. accepting that theres vary few things i can do to help is really depressing all i can do is talk her thru everything and hopefully get her mind off the bad things.iam cold.i have 4 pairs of socks on. i had a odd dream today. i dreamed that i was living in some apartments and came across a bunch of people that picked on me in school. i fought them and i went to head but them and i woke up headbuting my pellow. kinda scary. i actully felt pin in my back cuz in the dream i was getting bear huged . iam not sure what the dream means. but its vary odd . my hands are cold so iam gona stop typeing lol laters if u got anything to say IM me on aim amen666guy laters

i need to get out of here... i feel like my life is going no were down here . i need to get up north and soon nov 22nd isnt comeing fast enough.my friend is mad at me cuz i complain about being bored he offers to come get me but i refuse cuz its 12 at night and i dont wana wake my parents. he said all i say is bad things about them and fuck them. but i dont see it that way they have been alot more suportive in my desions then he has, even tho they do piss me off at time i do need to respect them. ahh i just wana get out of here. ive been waiting for ever for tara to come on i cant help but miss her so much i kinda feel like iam smothering her but i cant help it. all i think about daily is the time i get to talk wioth her. only talked to her for about maby less then 4 hrs in last 2 days lol that ma be alot for some but thats vary little for us i hope i didnt upseat her. :( . but she prob just needs time to herself wich i fully understand ill get that way eventully in the meantime theres no harm in missing my baby. working with tara is gona be fun iam just thinking about our brakes togather and wondering if she will ever get tried of me lol. like the new pic? well its not really new but new to anyone who hasnt seen it. i watched the metrosexual episoied of south park omg its soooo funny i could not stop laughing. well thats all for now i hope she comes on soon i miss her :( laters o and if your as bored as i am im me on AIM worm of truth or on yahoo as deviant999amen

omg iam so bored . iam ready to leave texas now and go to pa to be with my baby. yesterday was intersting me and tara talked for almost 12 hrs and we both got a little upseat at each other for dumb reasons. but in the end all we could tell each other is how much we love each other . my mom got me a cd today. the first inflames cd i found it at barns and nobel. its soooo kick ass cant belive i found it for 16.99. my mom is studing wicca now . lol i think its funny she never knows what she means but its funny to see her try. she told me if i wanted to come back and go to collage here that me and tara can stay at her house rent free. my family really likes her alot wich is diffrent for me cuz they never liked my past g/f's . they always found things wrong. they never offered to let anyone live with them before. was vary shocked to hear that come out of there mouth. my dad seems to think its a good idea to go north. he is being real supportive in my desion were as my mom is like half ass suporting me. she dosnt want me to leave her lol. she even offerd to help get me a car . but its a little late for that. i have my mind set on going north and being with my baby. its gona be fun iam debting weather or not to get computer speekers or just a stero. i have over 2000+ mp3s on my pc and getting a bad ass speeker set for my pc would be awsome. and maby cheeper. i think ive reached a point in my life that games are takeing a back set for other things. even tho i still play them there just not that important to me. its odd guess iam growing up. u havent writein anything in a long time i might start writeing agin. iam so happy right now that anything i write will be like upbeat and stuff lol maby love poem or something. alright drug this long enough laters

well ive givin it some thought and i think ill do a change of plans, haveing tara down here for thoes 10 days made me relize how much i really do love her and how much i need her with me . and ive decided the best thing would be to move to pa with her for a little while that way we can be togather and i can save money from working at wallmart agin.. lol i cant wait it will be so exciteing going to find tara agin when we go to brake. and just other random odd things i liked aout that job. the boss that should never smile. so funny omg.. iam really anxious to get up there i should be leaving nov 22end just gotta wait and see what her aunt says if we can stay the night in levitown or something i dunno ill update when i can . not like anyone cares but o well heh byee

wow the past 10 days have been amazing i canot put into words how tara makes me feel i only hope everyone eles in the world gets to feel this way . you know its one thing to love someone but to have the love givin back to u is just unwordable. we stayed at a hotail agin i jumped of the hot tub into the nice double king size bed . then decided to jump off the non sterdy desk i felt the legs creek under me lol iam not fat just a cheep table of corse :). most of the time we stayed home and um entertained each other we were quite sore.i did annoy her once wich i feel really bad for = / but i guess its bound to happen cuz she mad me mad once to lol but best part about getting mad is the makeing up. we talked alot about her moveing down here and starting her life with me we talked about jobs also my mom offered her a job at budget. my parents like her alot . they said we have alot in common and i seem so happy. boy they have no idea how happy i am i cant begin to explane. i might be going to pa sometime in december to vist her agin not 100% but iam gona try really hard to get up there to see my beh beh. it was the sadest feeling watching her leave as she turned the corber at the airport i felt this sunkin feeling in my chest like my life is over i couldnt helpbut cry like i am now. the only thing that is keeping me happy now is the thought that next time she comes shes here to stay. i dunno what i would do if i couldnt keep her in my life she is my life now . i must retire now to my empty bed and my thoughts of us togather

omg...

wow 1 more day till tara comes and sees meh i cant wait its gona be amazing. i really happy right now i just got done talking to my x-g/f and she finnaly see's things my way that we wernt right for each other. just blinded by our own insucrites . i was and still am scard about my future, i dont want to turn out like the rest of my family. most of my family never got to go to collage and most wont help me at all. i think thats why i stayed with angela for thoes 5 years. i didnt see myself doing things on my own or without her like i needed her to amount to anything. iam past that now i use thoes thoughts as my own motovation to do better. i was also scared and vary skeptiable about finding someone that would have so much in common with me that we could do everything togather. me and angela never did anything togather and she would always call me names and i would get mad at her and we would start arguing all the time. aruging was like a daily event for us. i hated it. i didnt get relived of thoes insurcurties till i meet tara. i think vary highly of tara she is a vary amazing person i would never think in 1000 years i could have someone as grate as she.and now she is comeing down and i couldnt be happier. i cant wait to start my life with her and for the first time in my life iam not afraide to do it iam looking foward to it and i love every min of it cuz i get to share it with someone who loves me for who i am and a person i can wake up to wont mind sleeping with and looking foward to seeing for the rest of my hopefully long life . i love u tara more then i can ever say . leave some feed back for meh heh i love hearing u guys randoms or not :) laters

lol miffed things are still sucking here in texas still jobless iam sick. i miss tara things are hard with out her i miss her so much :(.i have been looking for a apartment so when she moves down we can have an idea were we are gona live. i defently dont want to stay one week with my mom fuck that.other then that things are awsome 1 week till i get to see her its gona be amazing seems like time is going by fast but still not fast enough. i saw team america world police the other day omg that is the gratest movie. my fav line " you got three kinds of pepl in the world dicks,assholes and pussies.pussies got mad at the dicks cuz they fuck everything and the assholes just shit on everyone. but sometimes the assholes get fucked by dicks and the pussies get mad cuz when the dick goes to fuck the pussy the dick has shit all over it. so u gotta be carefull when u fuck the assholes so u dont get shit on your pussies or u will be in deep shit". lol i dunno if thats 100% what he said but close enough lmao so funny ok laters

omg iam so tired , i didnt get any sleep last night. i went to chads house and he got the new mortel kombat game its awesome but we played the MK1 that came with it more then we did the new game.i dont have a free phone line anymore i think they fixed it >=( sons a bitches. o well it was good while it lasted lol. i miss tara so much. i wish the world knew how i felt about her she gives me the most happest feeling i have ever had in my life . she is amazing i cant wait to start my life with her down her. i should be starting that job sunday hopefully it goes well. well i guess thats all i got for now c ya love you tara =P

haha iam awesome ... not really but i feel it i need to change the cds in my cd player ... less then 3 weeks , cant wait.. i am hearing things lately, weird things. hopefully i start working tomarow that will rule! ill work there till i can get hired at wall-mart agin its within walking disstance. i sapose ill share anther poem or not i forgot there on my other comp i transfered them yesterday ohhhh no this song is beating my ass off.. lol beavis and butthead r the best ill leave u with this ANGLE ON B&B, nearby, also staring in awe. REVEAL they're watching a jackass take a dump. B&B Huh huh huh huh huh. BEAVIS The poop's coming out of the ass of the ass. Heh heh heh. BUTT-HEAD Huh huh. It's coming out of the ass, but it's also coming out of the ass of the ass.

man what a morning best morning i have had in a long time prob 4 ever :) , i was saposed to go to a stupied interview at HP/compaq warhouse but my friend said she can for sure get me a job working with her and they will help me with reanspertation so thats good i need the help. i been thinking alot of me and taras house were gona have i really cant wait to move out its almost unreal how much fun its gona be haha. lots of sex will be happing. the game iam makeing is comeing along a little i still need help if anyone knows anything about neverwinter nights toolset and want to help let me know on aim amen666guy still writeing script on it . but sounds alot of fun. anyway thats all for now ... fuck shit up

hello i love tara all i can say right now i miss her so much 3 weeks cant wait!!! heres a poem/song i wrote its called lies are we the slaves of a master can we brake free from the chains on our minds i want to brake free but iam just held down is there others like me. live your lie live your lie live your life one lie at a time i have that feeling the feeling iam being pushed not into a wall and not into a hole into the people that are my peers my friends my family why are they so blind must i fallow into the death pit with them live your life live your lie live your lie one life at a time