hi. how has it been. what day is it. oh. it's been ten days. well, that's quite a long time. it feels like longer though. my life has become a lot better. Carolyn has given new meaning to everything. i make her happy, and god knows she makes me happy. ill be honest, i dont know how or if this is going to work out. i like her so much, and i know she does too. i'm just worried i guess. i dont know why. but i just dont know. it seems too good to be true. what if she gets bored of me, or me of her. what if her ex steps into the picture. i need to do homewokr. im so behind.. im sort of down today. i dont know why. maybe it's cause i'm not wiht care, or maybe it's cause it's so nice out but i dont want to hang out with anyone. or maybe it's cause she's at work. i just feel so... useless. you know? there's so much that I want, but i can't have and that I dont have. i feel like i'm full of smart things, and wise things, and i feel like they should be in songs, and that i could make beautiful music but i don't know how. i feel like i could be a model, if it wasn't for my complexion. i feel like my friends are never around and i dont have enough to do. but when my friends call, i dont want to hang out with them.