well, nobody comes here. really, no body. i had zero hits on that last post. no comments, nadda. so the other day, this girl, a prospect if you will, told me she wasnt interested in me, and that im a really nice guy. great. fucking great. and i thought this girl would help me keep my mind off of her. but no, she was too tall, and hand big hands, and definitely wasnt as attractive as jessica, but she rejected me. and now im down to nobody. another girl, who i thought something might spark with, has proven to not be at all interested in me. its too bad, because she is exactly my type. i guess we have too much stupid reputation history that she cant get over. i was feeling really sad in anthro today. i was just remembering her on my bed when i lived in my grandparents house. i remember how she used to spread her legs open for me, when we'd get naked (my grandparents often went out for the day). thinking about that makes me think about how much fun we had. i just really miss it. but now she's make new memories with another guy... its really hard. i guess cause im so alone, i only have her to think about i cant believe i was thinking of doing something with this girl my friend used to do stuff with. he isnt even over her. i feel so sleazy. i guess its just cause shes the only girl who even fucking likes me (shes hot, tho). apparently people think im hot. and hot and nice... thats great, right. im fit, but i dont play any sports. i also dont play an instrument, which seems to be a classic chick magnet. i hate this. i deserve a nice girl. i deserve to fall in love and not think about her. i deserve it. i know i do. i just want a relationship, a girl. i just want to have sex again, and kiss again, and do all the fun things that lovers do. i just want to feel loved, and love back. i want to hold someone in my arms, and trust them, and never let go. i miss that. i miss having that person at my side. i miss the phone calls. i miss the companionship. i hate the feeling of knowing that i lost that. having someone find you the most special out of everyone in the world. i know i'll never be the best at what im the best at. i know i'll never be the smartest, funniest, hottest, coolest, or anything. to her i was the best at being myself, and that is a great feeling.