well, a month. and that? hmmm. i feel better, sort of. i mean, 1 and a half weeks ago, i found out that she's had sex, with more than one guy. yeah. that bothered me. but not as much as i thought it would. she emailed me, as well. and that bothered me too. and she's been on my mind alot. too much. WAY too much. i feel bad because of it. i was in love with her, and in many ways, i still wish it could be tristan and jessica. but it's not, and now it's tristan and carolyn, and jessica and (flavour of the week). and with that, i feel like shit, most days. carolyn's come a long way. i used to think it could never work out between us, but sometimes she grows on me. she's become a lot more sweet and open, but it's just not how it was when i was with my ex at this stage. it isn't love that i have now. but at least it's loving, and happy. and carolyn loves me, and i love her. but i don't know. my mentality is going haywire, and i'm always moody. i'm either at one end or the other. compltely bi-polar. and my stupid parents and i really aren't getting along lately. nor my sister. and often, not even carolyn gets me. paige is often not in my life, for days and days, and matthew and lukas are almost out of the picture. raff, just dissappeared completely. tammy was barely there, everyone else is just and extra anyways. jared's back now and then. i keep thinking about how i just let everything fall apart. but i really should stop. i'm going mentally defficient. all of these culminating activities are really taking their toll as well. im really stressed, and physically i feel disgusting. maybe i can get things back on track. i really should, in like ALL areas of my life.. I have a psychic, and she said i'm lonely, and that my future would be all right. but she was wrong. at least i don't live in china.