Sleep at dawn. Woke at 4:50am, I did. Mid-dreams and half-sleep. Dream some moments, awake some moments. Semi illusions and birds. Continued for hours, it seemed, it was. Message 9:00am - grandpa died.

I need more money. For hookers.

I had this huge entry all written and then it decided to delete itself. My kitten pissed on my nice new pants, BRILLIANT. Also, I don't have many clean clothes because the shower is dripping and so to save water we've turned off the water system (meaning the washing machine is not useable). Ah, the plumber has arrived. Now he's gone. He fixed the shower. I like him. Now I can wash some clothes. If I had only three things that would make me happy for the rest of my life they would be - malibu cream shakes with baileys, unlimited sex and a neverending supply of vinyl. end. -- update: im so pissed off with my cat I'm getting him desexed. Its payback time, off with his balls. =]

I was sitting on the train, on the way home from uni. Clearly I had had an early morning start - judging by the unbrushed hair and the fact that i had only one earring on. The carriage I was on was vacant, and at one stop a pack of middle age (35 yr old) drunk men got on. Of course, of all the seats they sat on, they had to choo choo choose the ones next to me :o) So, to appear as though I was clearly involved in something else, so as they would not talk to me, I opened one of my folders with my current photographic work in it. Bad idea. Now they were fascinated with my photography. I happened to have a portrait of this lady I had taken a while ago open. She is quite nice looking, blonde, green eyes, she's about 30. But, she does not resemble me in the least. Anyway, obviously this was not so to the drunken slobs, who insisted that the woman in the photo was me. I held it up for them next to my face, and they were in awe. Never had they seen such a great photo, and I should be proud. Clearly I am somewhat confused as to how they managed to get on the train if they were that drunk. Anyway, I take it as a compliment I suppose. :)

Seeing as in the past few days my previous entry had gained no more notes, I decide it is time for a new one. I bought paper today. Photographic paper. The shop is ripping me off, I can buy it half the price other places so from now on I will. My project worked. Yay (but sarcastically). I am slowing letting my money slip through my fingers. For example, I should not be buying $50 lunches. But they taste just so good. So I will continue until someone tells me I shouldn't. Which was when I went to pay and my friend said he would pay half. So, there is money saved. Buying a Freeloader for gamecube is a pricey article. But I must all the same. I need my Minolta meter in 2 weeks, but I dont have $600. My teacher will kill me. Maybe he might give me the money. I could do a lap dance or something. I want more note fights. It's slowed down recently, for me at least. Probably because I'm never around. I am really excited about the opening next Wednesday. Really excited. Last night was hilarious. It felt so good to go out, seeing as I hadnt in around 2 weeks, except for the nights out with Mark, which are dinner and what not. But REAL socialising. I just never have the time, but I didn't have work so I was free to go. I got Fi a cool present. And she had a beautiful Marquee and fairy lights. The DJ was.. Uhm, inexperienced? OH MY GOODNESS, the cake. It was rather stunning. I think I stared at it for around an hour. It was around the size of.. well it was big. And it was chocolate mousse cake cvered with these HUGE chocolate leaves. Oh my. So I'm getting something similar for my party, which is being planned currently. I am excited, probably because there will be presents, for me. So in conclusion, more note fights.

Despite popular belief, recent biological research has now proven Rhia is, in fact, a girl. I know, I know, it's absurd. I thought it was crap when I first heard it too, but it's true, I swear! She will, however, still accept sexual advances from Sarah.

It just wont do to dwell. Yes and no, and maybe. Its like we're 16 all over again.

What the hell do I know about selling phones? Its boring at work. Also, the people at work are really physically challenged. Typical comment on my part but I don't care. My new computer is neato. I like apples only because they look hot. I got my first week's pay, but I gave half of it to Mark so he can pay his bills because he is super poor at the moment. So now I have $300 to last me a week of christmas shopping. I'll get mum's present. I found some hot chanel sunglasses which are glam on her. Things take time now that everyone works. Summer isnt summer when you have a job. On the upper hand, im completely brown, even my ass. But still, to see someone it takes at least a week when factoring in a schedule. Typical me style, I missed my reenrolment for uni next year. Tristan rang me and asked where I was, in his typical drunk state the following night. Me, confused, replied I knew nothing of it. So I've been frantically running around trying to get my place back. But noone is available due to the holidays. I'm screwed. Really screwed. Bordering on tears screwed. Cheers to nuggets.

reading back.entries so blandandseemlike- im wanting attention.because i have ADD.addwith add.noi dont but i wish i did-itcould be my excuse, along with everyother excuse. dream last night was so real.iwas wanted==I hate waking up and realising it was all a dream. It plagues me for days to come, this will for weeks. They were both there. And I was in love. It felt like nothing I've ever felt before, because thats what love does to you. Maybesettling is the onklythingk to do.neversettle for second best, never settle for second bestbecause being a l one is too scary to face. Baby i love you baby i need you but baby you're not who i think about. im sorry.

Ten reasons why I despise my new job: 1. Didn't realise my ex boyfriend-ish who I havent seen for months works around the corner. 2. Didn't realise my ex boyfriend-ish who I havent seen for months works around the corner. 3. Didn't realise my ex boyfriend-ish who I havent seen for months works around the corner. 4. Didn't realise my ex boyfriend-ish who I havent seen for months works around the corner. 5. Didn't realise my ex boyfriend-ish who I havent seen for months works around the corner. 6. Didn't realise my ex boyfriend-ish who I havent seen for months works around the corner. 7. Didn't realise my ex boyfriend-ish who I havent seen for months works around the corner. 8. Didn't realise my ex boyfriend-ish who I havent seen for months works around the corner. 9. Didn't realise my ex boyfriend-ish who I havent seen for months works around the corner. 10. The people are boring. So it's my first day on the job. I'm looking svelte. White and black pointy slingbacks, 50's black knee length skirt, pale blue business shirt. Serious class and authority. Out of the corner of my eye I notice a gorgeous young lad strolling past. We make eye contact. It takes several moments for the face and name to register. To be honest, the thing I recognised most was the hideous jumper he always used to wear. It registers, and the sirens in my head go off.Here is someone who I've been furious with for most of this year. He walks in, we banter. I make out like life is brilliant for me; men, money, fame. I start to feel shallow. But then he tripped over as he walked out. I had my victory. Also, I am sad to see Australia lose the world cup. And it was only by one Try. The pussies.

Do not be fooled by men dressed as Santa. They steal your money and give it to the poor. Also, when you ask them for Christmas gifts, the likelihood of you actually recieving it is slim. The rebellion of the Santa Belief is to be carried out with dignity.

I have an interview today, and two next tuesday. I'm not nervous, but I despise the questions like 'what do you think you can give to our company?'. Most of the time, I think 'Isn't it obvious?'. But seriosly, I have to make up some nice cliche line like, 'I think I can be a sales representive with a hip and fresh approach, whilst maintaing good customer service and upholding the name and reputation of the company'. For $30 p/h, I don't care what I say. So long as it comes out smooth, without my usual 'uhm, definately, uhm, yeah, uhm uhm'. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there, wiping my hands on my pants, trying to look in control, when really, I look like an ex con, who really needs this job or else he's straight back in the slammer. I know I'm the worst person for any job. I cant stand work, I'm the laziest shit on the earth. And, when it comes to sales, I'm sure I'd come across as though I'm trying to make a pass on the customer, rather than trying to sell a product. The bonus of these jobs are the discounts. Today I'm going for a telecommunications company. So, cheaper phone bills, but the con is, I'm currently with the opposition. Next week it's Christian Dior and Chanel. The discounts, I'm sure I'd appreciate, but it's not like I could buy anything even with a discount. It would be like forfeiting my pay before I even recieved it. b-abe-bra-ham, if you read this, I had the craziest dream about you. You sent me one of your latest mixes, it was slightly house-y, not so much ambient. Anyway, then there was a letter in the cd-case and it was in purple pen. Do you write in purple pen? And it just went on about some crazy crazies, you know, the usual. My cat is crawling all over this computer. He just made some freakish noise. I was a cross between a roar and a fading squeak. More like one of those rubber dolphins you use in the bath 'eeer eeer eeer'. Did you ever watch the movie 'Free Willy'?. So many things wrong with that title.

Here are pictures of the place we are going to, only three more weeks, and I can't wait that long. I got these off the site, at random. This is the actual private house/resort. And, the beach during the day. This is an overall view of the island. mmmmmmmmmmmmm ohhhhhh yeahhhhhh. I CANT WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIT. Make it come sooner. Also, physics exam tomorrow morning. ----- exam = easy as piss

'Notice of Enforcement' is never a brilliant thing. So I open the envelope and there is a letter for something I didn't do. I rang up, and tell them they're full of shit. They tell me I'm full of shit. So I ring my cool lawyer friend. He is hot and smart and will work it out. Now, I'm embracing four long months of sweet sweet holidays. Sun, beach, surf. I'm applying for jobs madness fuck. Mainly promotions because thats what I'm good at and they pay much money. There's one job I really want, but I'm too scared to apply. Its for eight months overseas, as a photographer on a cruise ship. I feel its what I need, but I'd leave so much behind. I applied anyway, half joking. We'll see. So, I've booked my flight but now am waiting for money to pay it. Island holidays are always the best. Especially seeing as all the islands are so close. 1:56pm monday. Noone home, public holiday. Phone: farkus markus Needing: license, lunch, job. Someone reminds me of 'I like Love' by Solitaire. Listen to it ;)

I started to cry, the way home from his house. Walking the whole way. I left a note. He's screwed, and he knows it. As for me, its a turning point. Its over as far as I can see. The note: 'I'm a hypocrite? At least I'm not a liar'. I placed it amongst all the evidence I found, in a pile in his room. Now mum wont be able to have her nice lunch tomorrow. I feel bad. I'll try and make it up to her. Tonight I wont answer my phone when he calls. I'll press the reject button in fact. I'm not hurt so much as angry. I'm not surprised either. We'll see where this takes us. It was just a sign. Another sign, showing the light. We can't even be friends now.

Heh heh. It's my secret and you'll never find out. =)

hop, skip. stone to stone. i like the lakes and running water down the stream in the park near my house no people go there i sit sometimes. i wish i had gumboots like them, selfish bastards. each leaf falls from trees i will call him my own his name will be obi. its like watching the neighbour next door undress through the window. lets roll in the grass some more my jeans are stained green now just wash them with bleach. can i have some more strawberries? its summer soon. me likey.

Going to the foooooooooooooooooooty. Im going to take many photos with my new 180mm telephoto lens. Its so hot. So hot. I'm going to make sweet sweet love to it. (also i failed my physics exam) Holidays for two weeks, this is what university is all about.

Well, I'm not one to argue with these things.

Hope is very decieving. I not going to live on it. But I have this deep down feeling its not all over. Not yet at least. But that's hope, so lets try and forget it. There's nothing for me here, I want to leave. This country is like an island, actually Australia is an island. Stupid fuck.