The day my love and i met... was something special well he was to me... Many people do not think goth's have more than one side to them.. most people just know the hate side and well many goths have feelings of love and fear with many emotions tied into one.but on with my story....i have dated many guys and he was the guy who was the shoulder you could cry on. My ex bf sev (when we broke up) i cried on his shoulder as for many of my other ex bf's. I would really mess up his shirts b/c of my mascara when i would cry... i would wash his clothes and return them thats when i really got to know him. he was there for my breakups and he lended his shoulder... Once he was the being hurt so i lent my shouder and he actually cried. He took home my shirt to wash and i went to his house the next day and he wanted to play his bass for me (he made me a song) i noticed my shirt was on his table in his room i was thinking PLEASE TELL ME YOU DONT USE THAT FOR WHAT I THINK YOU DO!! His cousin J called me that nite saying how matt felt about me.. and how much that shirt meant to him he said it was a symbol of an unborn realationship.. i didn't feel that way about matt at the time. So days turned into weeks and weeks into months and break ups after breakups and being there for eachother blossomed.. he asked me out on a date to the movies.. i didn't watch the movie at all... i spend the length of the show looking into his eyes and wondering what did i miss why was i so clueless to understand the best man for me was in front of my eyes. Was i so blind?My outlook quickly warped itself into the frayed remnants of a lost love, and I stumbled through the park. I was becoming one of the lost, one of the blind, forgetting who they were to pursue something they couldn't even see. I would look at him and understand his problems like he did me. I called his cousin and told him how i felt.. it was opposite this time. Matt didn't like me that way he had moved on and put the Shirt away.. HE PUT OUR SYMBOL OF UNBORN LOVE AWAY!!! I called him the next day and asked if he would come over...i spent over 2 hours crying in his shirt... which i took his shirt and had a symbol for myself. I knew nothing would ever happen so i moved on a bit... Matt came over to watch a movie Untamed heart (great movie) I sat next to him in a skimpy shirt and short shorts and everytime i told him i was cold he would wrap his arms around me. I couldn't think after thati wanted to lean over and just kiss him or touch his beautiful white skin... but i had to force my hands down and bite my lips closed.. i was afraid to lose a best friend the one and only best friend ill probably have... I looked at him and he looed at me... i knew he could read my mind but i couldn't read his... liek there was a huge wall saying dont read me across his head... it was more that i could handle.. i felt alone on this mission.i wanted to kiss him but i couldn't for the fear if i did i would hear BAM the door closed.. and never to see him again... I got so caught up into thinking about kissing him i didn't realize the movie was over... i felt like i was outside of my body watching everything i did but i stood there like there was no control stick in my body... i decided i'd kiss him but... I didn't we sat there and said nothing he looked at me i looked at him and i touched his face and BAM! i looked at the door and looked at matt and noticed HE KISSED ME!!! WOW he kissed me. my first romantic kiss i ever really enjoyed... i could have let it go one for daysi wish it would actually. Many people think goths are just full of hate well here you go.. im a goth with feelings of passion and love for him... i have many more sides and maybe you wont understand but matt will... SO question still goes on... Why would matt hide his feelings for me? Oh he told me the other day Ashleigh The shirt you gave me means everything in the world... i would die for you i would give everything i have just to look into your eyes... So Again! Matt or T.J?