Well i guess todays mood describes alot. I've been real disappointed in myself lately. It seems like everywhere i turn; theres challenges that i always fail. Alot of the time i wish i could have been brought up somewhere else so that i could have met different people. Seen different things. Not experienced the things i have so far && just maybe i wouldnt be going through the things i am going through. Most of it is my fault. Actually one huge thing is my fault and its hurting me everyday. This diary is like my escape from everything else. I cant really talk to anyone else about things because they dont understand and dont know. Top things that are bugging me lately: School - Grades arent great and school is coming to an end. Dad - Always complaining about how i act and treats me like crap alot of the time. He expects to much from me & i cant always give it to him. Friends - Most of them just dont get it. I always have to pretend like im happy because if i show my true feelings they wont see me as the strong person i seem. I always have to be my friends support system; i love it and all but damn. Its hard to not have one of my own. I cant really look to them for support or help anymore. Josh - Lately i feel like our break up is really hitting me hard. I miss him more and more everyday and all i want to do is be with him again. Being with him took all my worries away and made my life alot easier. I so looked forward to seeing him & talking to him but now its like all gone. I hate that i cant do anything to get him back & he's totally through with me now. I still have really true feelings for him but its like he's pushed me aside & is never coming back. It really gets to me how we were so happy together and we had such great times but its like 11 months of my life went by so fast & those were honestly the happiest months of my life. Life - Basically so complicated & i havent been doing good in it lately. Im like throwing alot of things away and getting into alot of trouble. I know its gonna come back to bite me in the ass later but i cant help it. I want to do good but no matter how hard i try i just cant. I want to like give up on myself but i know i cant because i cant dissapoint anyone else more than i already have.