This sucks ass. I'm falling for him. Hard. And i don't know how to make him... fucking... understand or... know... i want him to be the one. What am i saying?? i want him to be which one? Shit it's thundering outside. AAAaarrrGGhhh! You know when all you can think about is that one fucking person? But why him? Why is this happening? is this really real? IS IT????!!!!!! HOW CAN I TELL!!!!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I TELL HIM HOW I FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE COCKSUCKER SHIT BITCH GODDAM FUCKING FEEL?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to Vs neighborhood yesterday to buy some clothes i've been meaning to get but didn't have enough money, and there were these white pants i wanted to get from buffalo that were 100$, and extremely sexy. I looked really hot in them when i tried them on last time and i needed to buy them. So i went over there, and, just my luck, the store is closed down for renovations for a month. They just closed last week. What the hell?! On top of it, i found out they just had a huge sale to get rid of everything right before they closed. Imagine i could've gotten those pants so fucken cheap! Anyway, i hung out with V, and these 2 brothers, J and D, to smoke joints obviously. They're really nice. They're the rare type of guys who know how to just hang out with girls without hitting on us all the time... Or maybe it's just me that guys just wanna try to get in my pants all the time... In any case. J & D are really chill, and they invited us to their cousin's wedding on Saturday. So it'll be chill. We get to dress up and it's open bar :-P... And i can go since i don't have a job anymore, clearly. My boss was supposed to call but... i guess i'm just being ditched... I'm still pretty upset about that whole thing. I don't think i can move out anymore, and he hurt my feelings so bad... i liked him. Whatever on my way home last night i was all stoned and stupid so i took the wrong bus, which took me way way out of the way before i realized i wasn't on the right bus. So i was walking around in this foreign neighborhood, all lost, and i went to ask directions to some construction workers. They told me where there's another bus and i finally got to the metro and went home. But once i got to my metro it was really late and it was really scary looking and so i started jogging a bit so i'd get there faster. But then this guy pulls up in this really hot car and he's like, are you ok? and i just said yea i just felt like running cause i'm a little scared. And he thought i was running away from someone cause i was being attacked or something. In retrospect i should've told him "yeah, that's what happened." and made up some fantastical story of being chased by crazy people and running away.... (why can't my life be like that?) In any case, he offered to drive me home, and it wasn't very far, so i said "sure", since he was really cute and sweet looking. So we talked a bit, and it turns out he's a model, he goes to school, but he's 18yrs old! So he's a little young but i actually like that i mean older guys always seem more bitter. Young guys are more exciting some how. Besides whatever he's gonna be 19 in 2 months we're only a few months apart. So i gave him my number and he txted me last night to say goodnight and called me today, but i was sleepy so he said he'd call me back. Anyway i like him for now he's really cute. So he's a model so i'm gonna call him Cover Boy. CB. ok

Imma friggin idiot. I went out last night with XL, his friend, and some girlfriends of mine. We drank before, and we went to this bar/club. It was actually pretty cool. We were all drunk and dancing, and we had some tequila shots and it was pretty great. One of my friends, G, hooked up with some dude and spent the night pretty much with him, and so i was talking to XL's friend, C, whom i've known for a while but haven't seen in a long time. I gave him my number and stuff, and i was actually interested in him for some reason... actually the reason was i was drunk. So finally XL gave me a ride home, and somewhere in between that time and the next morning, my phone disappeared. I tried calling it today but it's nowhere in my house, and now i keep calling XL to find out if i left it in his car, but he's probly asleep or something cause he's not picking up. That's the shittiest thing about being drunk. You always lose some shit and completely forget what happened the next day. Anyhow... hopefully it's not gone forever... On top of it my boss, or ex-boss, is supposed to call me today to "let me know", so if he calls and leaves me a firing message i won't even be able to argue with him or beg to get my job back. So that's it. It's pretty fucked but it can only be uphill from here right?

Well well, what an interesting evening. I think i called every guy i know last night to do something and they ALL said no, for one reason or another. So me and V met up anyways, got drunk off Vodka, and decided to go out and have a good time. We ended up at some bar that was empty except for the staff. We left soon after, we were walking in the rain, and then these guys in a car called us over and they were cute so we talked to them, and they were going to smoke a joint so we hopped in with them. They were like these preppy little rich kids, but they were funny and sweet. We got to one of the guys' house, it was this huge beautiful house, and his parents were off at there chalet. So anyway we smoked a joint, and i ended up hooking up with the guy who's house it was. He was hot, and smart, so... Anyway it was good at first, but then we went to bed and he was trying to do stuff to me and trying to get me to give him a hand job and i did it for like a couple seconds but it was too gross i had to stop. And he was all "come on, come on". Anyway so finally we fell asleep and snuggled a bit, and the next morning i had cheerios and he drove us home. He didn't even get my number or nothing. Oh well... Anyway it was just what i needed. To do shit with someone. Last night i had a drunken realization that i need somebody to do shit with, otherwise all this stress is building up and what not. Like a "kiss friend" or something, who's cute and chill that i can do shit with without feeling weird after. I actually had a few drunken realizations last night, that are too crazy to talk about right now.

My life sucks right now... I'm so bored i don't know what to do with myself. No actually it's not that i'm bored i'm just restless. I want to be excited and have fun. It seems like these days it's so fuckin rare. I don't like work anymore, there's like twice as much towel folding to do and i just got my paycheck and i'm missing SO much money so now i have to figure it out with my boss and ARGH i just feel so frustrated all the time i need to let out all my aggression somehow. I want a guy. i want to touch someone and kiss someone hot. I'm going crazy here. Shit. This sucks. Oh so this guy who comes to my gym cancelled me for wednesday, but now he wants to have lunch on monday. So i said yes... we'll see where that goes. i'm so unhappy but i don't know why

You see what getting fired can do to a person? I lost ALL my self confidence. i was prepared to sit and sulk in my room for the rest of my life. But then my boss from the gym called and said my schedule is the same as last week's. So i was overreacting for nothing. Obviously. So it's going well. I decided that i'm just not cut out for the food industry. It's just as well; it makes me sick looking at the way food is prepared. Even at Subway. Urgh... So anyhow, i went out with V on friday to celebrate my non firing, and we got drunk beforehand, and then we didn't know where to go, so we called a bunch of guys we know who all ended up ditching us, so we finally went to some bar we'd gone to before. The owner was there and he was getting us all these extra drinks, and shooters, and by the time we left we were so fucked out of our minds it wasn't even funny. I don't even remember alot of it. We were just talking and flirting with a bunch of guys, and for some reason i decided it was a good idea to call AH, but he didn't answer, so then i called his friend who was also going out with L for a time, and we talked or whatever, and i told him i still loved L even though i didn't talk to her, and i still loved AH too,... it was all quite embarrasing. But anyway, you have to be prepared for that stuff when you're drunk i guess. So this owner drove us to my place, and he was in the car with this other guy who was trying to make out with me, and i was so out of it i let him for a few seconds until i realized what was going on, and i pushed him off me. So we got to my house, and i puked, and i woke up the next morning with the worst hangover of my life. I threw up like 4 times, and i felt like shit, i couldn't move, couldn't eat, couldn't do anything. V was fine though. And on top of it i had to work at 3. At 2 i finally got up and dragged myself to the shower. I was like 20 minutes late for work wih no make up, looking like hell, every step i made i wanted to kill myself. So i'm sitting at reception lying on my desk, wanting to die, and so the guy who works at the office that i find really really hot came in and he's all, are you feeling ok? and i'm like, i want to throw up. And he went and got me some pepto bismol, which was nice of him. Anyway so i don't know if i've mentioned him before, but there's this other guy who comes to my gym, that i've had a bit of a thing for, and so he finally asked me out yesterday. On wednesday he wants to go to this club called lodge, so i'm gonna bring v so she can meet him and tell me what she thinks. But now i'm not even sure if i like him anymore. Now that he's asked me out i kinda don't care anymore about him. Anyway we'll see i'll keep you posted.

i probably had one of the worst experiences of my life with a guy last night. I met him like a month ago and he asked me my number so i gave it to him for some unknown reason, and so i didn't hear from him for like a month, and then he called me like a week ago or something and asked me out or whatever, i said ok, but i really wasn't that interested, so i kinda ditched him, and he kept calling me back to make another date so finally i didn't wanna be a bitch so i said ok for thursday, and so, whatever, long story short, i ended up being an hour late, and when i saw him he was much less good looking then i remembered. He was pretty ugly actually. So anyway, we're in the car, and he's like, do you wanna go and get a forty and hang out or whatever, and like an idiot i said "sure" because it's something that i would do with any guy friend of mine and it's pretty fun. But so he gets a forty, and we park in some parking lot of an apartment building of some sorts, in some random neighborhood, (luckily i know my way around montreal). And we talk for like five minutes, so i'm telling some story about i don't know what, and then he just pounces on me, and starts kissing me and sticking his tongue in my mouth, and it's Really disgusting like it was sickening, because he was slobering and licking me and he starts going down to my neck and he's licking it and sucking it and doing all kinds of weird disgusting tongue moves on me, and by the time i could push him away, i was soaking. I told him stop, slow down, let's just talk or whatever, but he really wasn't listening. He was forcing himself on me, and then pulling me on top of him, and i said i had a headache, and so he goes, i know how to cure that, and he seperates my legs and puts them on each side of him, ( keep in mind this whole time i'm struggling to get out of his grasp), and tries to take my shirt off and is "kissing" me everywhere i don't even wanna call it kissing, it's more like drooling. So i finally get him off me, and i look at my phone, it's like 10:45, so i tell him like "maybe we should finish the forties because i have to be home before midnight" so he goes "fine fine" and so i get him to drink and talk for about 10-15minutes. But then he starts trying Again! So i tell him i really have to pee, and he says, go behind that truck over there, and i go no, i'm not gonna pee behind a truck, take me somewhere else, so he's all annoyed, and he starts driving, and he's telling me, i'm gonna eat you out a bit, how do you like it, bla bla bla, and i completely ignore him i'm just thinking of how i'm gonna get the fuck away from this guy, and we get to tim hortons, and he gives me a water bottle, and he goes, here, go pee, and then wash yourself, and i'm gonna eat you out. So i freak out and i go 'WHAT?!" and i storm out of the car, but the tim hortons isn't anywhere near a bus stop or anything, so i can't really leave. but i spend like 20 minutes in the bathroom, and by the time i get out, it's like 11:40. So i get back in the car, and i say, can you take me home now i have to be back soon. And he says, no you don't you said you were gonna be back at 12:30, and i'm like no i said 12, i swear i said 12, and he says no ill bring you back for 12:30, and i'm arguing with him saying 'take me home now!' and he won't fuckin listen, and he drives me back to this fucking parking lot, and i'm screaming at him to take me home and he's saying no you said 12:30, you don't need to be home, i'm sorry i said what i said, so i become really silent, and he starts going on about how he doesn't just want me for sex, he wants to go out with me, but he couldn't resist me, and i say nothing. i'm planning my escape. so he keeps talking, and then he tries again to start making out with me, but i push him away, and i say take me home now in a really really serious tone, and he says ok ok, in 15 minutes. So i grab onto my purse, and in one swift movement i unlock the door and open it and manage to get out, but he's holding my jacket still, so i tug on it really hard and i start running like a mad person, and i go to a main street where LUCKILY a bus is passing right then. On the bus he calls me and he's like "ok, ok, i'm in the street now, i'm gonna take you home" and i laugh and say "no thankyou, and never call me again" and hang up. He called like 5-6 times in a row after but i turned my ringer off, and i just went home. It was a pretty fucked up and awful experience. It actually made me appreciate T, AH and other assholes in my life. At least they respected me to a certain extent. I guess now i know how horrible some guys can be... fuck, maybe i shouldn't be so picky.

Oh.guess what! V's mom ruined everything! what a surprise! She visited the apartment and she started claiming there was mold, it was dirty, we would get sick in there, she knows she's a scientist, so now we're breaking the lease. At least he's giving us our money back. Minus the deposit. I don,teven wanna talk about it i feel like shit about it. I just knew i had to say it. So there. I said it. we're getting the money back on friday. well, i'm not, i'm working, but, anyway. Also i had an appointment at the bank to apply for a credit card this morning but i slept right through it. Oh goody. Hey, maybe i'll sleep through my interview at the bank on friday morning, too, wouldn't that be fabulous?

oh my god i am moving out!! We chose an apartment we all love, it has a huge basement and a backyard and it's dirt cheap... omg i'll give more details later right now i have to meet the landlord to sign the lease. i am SO excited and nervous. We're moving on May 1st! Shit i can't believe it's happening.

I springed up the colors of my little diary here... And then of course it decided to start snowing. Next week is supposed to be better though. This moving thing is really going to happen i think. I went to Urban Outfitters the other day and they have so much amazing stuff for apartments, beautiful beds, rugs, amazing dishes and cups and picture frames. I wanna by them all. I finally went to the pharmacy to get some digital pictures printed out. Some of them are 2 years old. But they're all of friends and people i used to now. They bring back alot of memories. I'm imagining what our apartment's going to be like and how we're going to decorate it. I think i've picked out the color palette of MY room: Pink and lilac-y hues... Now i'm starting to be sad though, i miss my mom already and i'm not even gone. not really anyone else yet. But it's weird, it's like leaving an entire part of your life behind. It's like saying goodbye to my childhood and never being able to turn back. It's scary i guess, but, it's more sad than anything else. i guess i'm just being a baby. oh well. All of my entries are sad lately. i wonder what that means. I watched that movie c.r.a.z.y. the other day and i was crying the entire time. I don't even know why. I couldn't even tell you what part was making me cry, but just the movie in itself was amazingly honest and heartwrenching. oh i'm so sad and i don't even know why... i should be happy, i'm moving out, i just got a new job, but i just get more and more sad.

It's fucking impossible to get a job. NOBODY has called me of the 20 places that i applied at. But on the bright side i have that coffee shop job CCGs boss offered me. It's only part time though. And now today V called me and she says i can work at her subway part time, and start tomorrow.... the only thing is it's on the other side of town. An hour to get there for sure. So i guess it's not impossible. The only way to get a job is through friends. Or maybe just for me. So i'm not giving up though. I saw a help wanted sign at this pool hall for a receptionist. And they only hire pretty girls there so i'm a shoe-in. Actually now that i think of it this guy i met on thursday works at mike's downtown and he says i could easilly get a waitress job there.... So i Do have some options. Ok so that's not so bad. I just have to get out of my pyjamas and go out. I wonder what the weather's like... arg i don't feel like it. i just want to bum around today. I spent the Whole day yesterday walking around, in heels, with CCG in some neighborhood looking for apartments for rent. We found like 1 thing. Oh yea actually we have an appointment to see that today. It's 640$ a month, but it's in a sketchy part of town so i'm not too sure about it. Anyway by the end of the day it wasn't so warm anymore and my feet were KILLING me. And now today i wanna go get my eyebrows done at this place where they do it with thread, and it hurts alot but only for like 5 minutes. I REALLY need it. It's been over a month now since the last time. God but even That is at the other side of town. sigh... My life would be So much easier if i had a car. Or at least a boyfriend with a car. I was dreaming about AH ALL NIGHT last night. i guess i'm not completely over him. Fuck this is hard. Please tell me things'll get better. Summer's coming, they'll be lots of new guys, i can wear miniskirts everyday, go to the pool, even the so called "beach" we have here in Montreal. Oh shit i need a new bikini. i better get that quick before they run out of the one i want. Ok so i guess i better get ready and go before it's too late to do anything.

Today was a childhood friend of mine's birthday. I went to dinner with him and his mom and sisters. I invited V along as well. It was pretty nice. CCG and i have been looking at apartments and the one that we're really considering is located about a block away from AH's building. Also, tomorrow we're going to visit a 4 1/2 IN his building. So i have to look super hot. All my feelings for him have pretty much disappeared though at this point. To me he's just like any other guy. I still want him to see me looking super hot though. Anyway spring is here and it is the time to meet new awesome hot guys. So that is what i am planning to do. I've already met a couple of prospects. They're not really exactly my type though. They're into punk and metal and I'm really more of a hip hop fan. But opposites attract don't they? Anyway i'm not giving up on love. I know the one is just around the corner i just need to be ready for him. XL was supposed to do something with V & i tonight and some other of his friends (NOT Johnny and AH) but he hasn't called, so i'm assuming he's ditching us and i'm gonna go rent a movie soon. Either Mansfield Park or King Kong. Maybe both. First i have to wash out the mayo i have in my hair. It really works. It moisturizes it really well... So whatever. i'm just chillin today. i'm in a pretty good relaxed mood tonight so that makes me happy.

i don't think anyone else hates their mother as much as i do. Horrible manipulative woman. i wish i knew why she doesn't love me. i guess maybe noone can. i'm moving out soon with CCG. At last I'll be as far away as my family as possible. I won't have to come home to the screams and insults and character defamation. It's not possible to be happy when you live here. Why even try? God now i'm just so glad that it's spring and warm FINALLY and that i'm leaving this fucking horrible place. I need a job though. I went out today to give out resumes to like 10 places, so i'm crossing my fingers. oh just thinking about the wonderful day when i'll be gone gives me tingles. Good tingles. And now i'm crying. Joy crying.

So my mom went to talk to my boss today and she says he told her things like i was always late and i always wore the wrong uniform, stuff like that, it was all lies. I can't believe it. Even when i make an effort i somehow get fucked. Arg whatever. and the worst thing is that my mom believes him and not me. Wtv he's just a sad emotionless little man. He probably doesn't even know what it's like to even have feelings. I should be feeling sorry for him. All he has is his money and his horrible bitchy golddigging wife. God i just feel like such shit i want to get the fuck out of this house. I wanna move far far away and become another person and just stop existing as the Jay i am now... Whatever. fuck fuck fuck. Anyway i now have mayonnaise in my hair. The hairdresser told me to put it before i washed my hair because it was so damaged cause of the color. Hopefully it'll make it healthier and shinier looking.

So CCG says her boss is looking for someone full time at the cafe where she works, and it's almost certain that i'll get the job. So i'm pretty happy about that. I went shopping today but they didn't have the skirt i wanted. All i bought was this cute pink sweater. That is the most interesting thing that's happened to me. I NEED a guy.

Some how, i managed to lose my job. I don't even know what i did wrong. I guess the boss just had a problem with me or something. Anyways he fired me yesterday after work. So now i'm totally screwed. I wanted to go downtown today and give out CVs to clothing stores and such. But now it's already 2:30 and i just woke up cause i went clubbing last night. I also feel like shit. My self esteem has gone waaay down. I was beginning to think that i was doing a good job and getting on with my life and stuff... Of course i was probably TOO happy. And fate decided to put and end to it. I was meant to suffer i think. Anyway i still have all these spring clothes to buy still. I haven't found a spring jacket yet. But i don't even know how i'm gonna afford it... Maybe i'll ask my mom to get me one. When i told her i got fired she freaked and she said she would go over my job and talk to the boss, because she says it's wrong to just fire someone like that for no good reason. Anyway i feel like such a failure now. i don't even understand what i did to deserve getting fired. And it's not even the first time. I got fired at subway without them even Telling me.... After 1 week. Fucking people,... or is it me? Whatever i can't give up. I have to seee this as a sign that i should be doing something else. I'd love to work in a clothing store and get some discounts.

i am sto - ned. I just got this idea for a movie where it's this girl, and she's all dating this guy, but she's also involved with his whole group of friends and none of them no nothing about eachother or anything. Pretty funny. At least to me, right now. Let's see what i think tomorrow when i read this. Blablabla i miss affection i miss being held and touched and kissed and aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh...... It's The best feeling. I live for it. My life's goal is to have as many of those moments as possible. With a guy of course. it's only amazing with a guy... You like... that you Really like it's like floating on a heavenly cloud. Those kindof things are hard to come by though aren't they. Or are they? Maybe it's me... I haven't been kissed in at least over a month. I think the last guy was T. No wait actually it was that loser whack idiot D that i hated... ewww. I can't believe That is my last makeout experience. No wonder i'm depressed. No wonder i'm suddenly suffering from AH withdrawal... calling him in the middle of the night, dreaming about him...fuck i need to find a guy.but they're so scarce it seems. Once in a blue moon a nice good one comes along and then disappears as fast as he arrived. It's like a beautiful mirage... whatever man i'm too stoned to be going on about this i'm probly talking giberish. But anyway. All i'm saying, is that i want someone. I want love. I want intimacy, closeness, whatever the fuck you want to call it i want it. and if it doesn't happen i'm gonna be So Mad

Friday night was CRAZY. Me and V decided to pre drink before going to the club. We went to the SAQ and got one of those small bottles of vodka. Oh and before that we went shopping for V and she got a whole new outfit with shoes, a belt, and everything. She looked super hot. Anyways so i decided to dress up too, with my crazy sexy excruciatingly painful pointy heels. So we were super hot, and pretty drunk by the time we got to the club. It was great, from what i remember, we were just dancing like crazy and getting more and more drinks. It was around that time when i got the genius idea to call AH. Ya, i know. Outside the club there was apparently some crazy fight. A bunch of gangs were fighting, there was blood all over 2 people's faces... I don't remember anything of that. All i remember leaving the club was me thinking: i gotta call AH. I gotta call him now. I even knew what i was gonna say. I was gonna tell him how sad i felt on tuesday when he looked all sad. I wanted to apologize and say i wanted everything to go back to how it was before. it all seemed like a brilliant plan at the time. Thank Heavens he didn't pick up the phone. I would've been so so embarassed. I still am, at the very fact that i even called him, but at least he didn't hear what i had to say. We went to a friend of my brother's afterwards and apparently i was falling asleep everywhere and for some reason i put my head in one guys crotch and i wouldn't get up, so they finally carried me into the bedroom where i woke up the next morning next to V, wondering where i was and what the fuck was happening. I finally remembered that i'd called AH and started wondering why he wasn't calling back. All day i waited for his call. Even today he hasn't. So now i'm a little confused. i would think he's be really excited that i'd called him and would call back as soon as he saw the missed call. Maybe something happened on tuesday night and he decided he just doesn't want to see me anymore. Maybe he hates my blonde hair... i don't know. I remember when we left the first bar to go to a club, ah called johnny and he invited him to come, but he didn't end up showing up. i dunno. O and that night we almost got arrested. Johnny got pulled over, we were all wasted, he's like "somebody give me a fucking gum, fast!" We even had a half empty bottle of rum on the floor of the back seat... but the cops just asked a few questions and luckily he said the right thing, and they let us go. Anyway so now i'm still waiting for AH to call me back. I don't even know what i'm gonna say. What Can i say? "hey sorry i drunk dialed you friday night. You know how it is. Everybody does it..." Frig You're A Crazy Drunk When you drink, you get wrecked - and it ain't pretty. What Kind of Drunk Are You?

Great so so i saw AH tuesday night. XL called me up in the morning and asked to go out to a bar with some friends of his from work he said. I was tired but i hadn't hung out with him in a while so i told him i'd bring V and L and i'd meet him after work. So i finished at 6 but i had the sudden urge to go to the hairdresser and dye it blonde. It took way longer than i thought though and i wasn't out of there til 10:30, so i couldn't go home and change, so i went to the bar in my white blouse and black pants, and who did i see there but Johnny and AH. I couldn't believe it. Stupid XL had betrayed me. Oh ya and i couldn't reach L so she didn't end up coming. But V was there... i was so nervous to see him. I hadn't seen him since january 1st. So i did what i always do when i'm nervous. Acted like a bitch. I gave AH a kiss hello, but after that, i completely ignored him and flirted with everyone else. He left after an hour and a half. I acted happy that he was gone but really it was killing me. i wanted him to talk to me and tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me, but obviously that wasn't gonna happen. Now i don't know what to do. I'm having dreams about him and today at work i started spontaneously crying. Fuck. Well, at least he saw me with my hair looking really good...

i'm working like 42 hours a week. I am slowly dying. i'm always tired, my joints hurt, i'm making the stupidest mistakes with the cash because i'm so tired... The money is good though. These days i find the only happiness in my life comes from shopping. Oh well it's not so bad. I could be addicted to something worse, like drugs, or a guy. My bro found out about me hanging out with Mid and his other friends. He was mad at first but forgave me and now he's telling me that Mid is "dating" someone else at the same time as V. Some fat blonde chick who comes to the club every week. She gave him a blowjob in the bathroom of the club a few weeks ago. My brother says he's only seeing her because she comes to the club and he gets paid for that. Anyway i talked to him about it and he denies everything. I don't know what to tell V, either. Anyway i don't even want to get involved in that shit. But i did introduce one of the girls from work to Jo, this other friend of my brothers, and they seem to like eachother so i'm really happy about that. They're both really cute and i find they look really good together. Alright so that's it then. It's nine oclock and i wanna go to bed already... goodnight, sweet dreams.