Its been a while since i've written in here. Alot has changed. Its finally summer but its been kinda boring. I went to two parties so far but thats about it. Saw pam. Aww that made my beginning of summer. Yay. So last night i had a conversation with josh. Ya it was good because i told him what i wanted to for a while. He now knows that i am not waiting a year to be with him again. He knows that i cant do that. I know what i did was wrong and hurt him but what he's doing to me now is even worse. I cant take the pain he's putting me through forever. I would take him back indefinately right now but later, its just gonna be too late. We decided to get an apartment together and become roomies if things dont work out with us. Doubt that'll happen but eh, you never know what the future brings. He's an amazing friend and an even more amazing boyfriend. Whatever i get from him, i'm happy with it. I love him endlessly and i always will. But then theres this new boy named rudy. Aw he's so sweet and nice. I think i might be starting to like him. But idk if all he wants is a hookup and nothing else. I dont want to let myself get attached to someone like that. I'm not that kind of girl. Idk. I've been talking to him and he's really sweet. He's sooo cute. Ah i swear. But the bad thing is. I like josh still. Ya i'm still in aw with him and love him so much. I care about him alot even though i know i shouldnt. I should be moving on because i've just been hurting to much. I know i hurt him but wth is he doing to me. I know it cant be called right. I want to move on but something is just pulling me back. I guess all i can do is wait and see what happens So the summer is here and i cant wait for better things to start happening. Disneyland, the fair, camping, parties, friends sleep overs. Agh i love it. I'm gonna be a junior next year. Yay for me. Kinda scary & kinda weird. Idk. Whateva. Hehe