My first day of are new semester is today what a joy. I saw him twice today. He’s in my 1st and 6th hour. I know our friendship is over no matter what but I can’t seem to get over it. He was my brother and we have been best friends for 4 years until then because of her the person who ruined me. Never mind that I went to the dance I had fun. Best time I have had I’ll never forget. But then the women in my life called and made it down hill. Everything got worst the next day. Why doesn’t she die? I hate her so much. For once I am happy and she tries to take it from me. She always makes me feel like I am dying inside what else can she want? I had a basketball game last night. We lost like normal. But I didn’t care. I got to hang with the person that makes me happy. I just hope I can keep him happy. Ahhh I am so excited I can’t wait till the 31st or Thursday well I am out. The sun seems brighter when u are near All my doubts are no more fears. The smile u put on your face, Makes me realize I never want to lose your trace. Your footprints in the sand, Try to fade from the blue sea. Which I would feel like I lost you Which I would never want to do.

Hello journal, Well I am mostly going to Milwaukee for the weekend. I have been alright so far today and well yesterday was great Howard wasn’t an ass at all I was so happy. But I kind of still don’t know with the kid maybe I should be with him cause I don’t know. I went to mine and ambers and Beena game last night and we lost again I was pissed cause the guy made me fall and I flew so that hurt. I was going to go wigger today but I didn’t cause for one I hate wigger’s and 2nd I don’t have any cloths. I have pep band tonight I wonder who is all going. Maybe josh will go I invited him, but I don’t think he would go you know o well I guess its his decision and Howard most likely isn’t going for once unless he is surprising me again but I doubt it. Maybe I will do more journal typing but maybe not u never know me man. At lunch today was funny we were going to fill are bottle up with everything so someone can drink it again and then Quinn took it to the bathroom and pissed in it and the teacher saw it and said what was in it so he had to dump it out it was funny cause we were going to make some one drink it again and this time with piss lol. Wow I do love my friends they keep a smile on my face at lunch. I miss Cody and cam though. L Its not fair that I don’t get to see them much any more and well Cody id like my big bro so I love him. I also hope I get to hang out with Joshy soon cause I miss him also. So yea what else is there to talk about. Well nothing I guess so I will see ya later. Much love peace Patience My tears are gone and over with I shall not bleed for your sake I am now going to go drift Into the dark sky

Hello journal, Well I haven’t written in a long long time. So here is some stuff that’s new. Howard and me are going out (2 weeks today) I got my stuff back since I said sorry to my mom I went to josh’s house last Friday with Roman Leah and Derek it was fun After josh’s we went to Beenas house I love her The reason though I went to josh’s is cause Howard pissed me off Howard got me a pirate of the Caribbean necklace I love pirates I got him a korn t-shirt and a stop pretending I am naked shirt I went to Howard’s house last Monday till 11 at night it was great Howard came to my grandmas on Christmas eve for the 2 parties it was awesome He makes me happy and well I also can really piss me off I wore josh’s pants and it was funny cause he wore my skirt I went on new years to Austin’s house with Howard I met troy Leah’s bf he’s really ugly lol I went up north and it’s really boring And well I don’t feel like writing more so I am outtie Much love peace Patience

hello journal, well i am not at school cause i went to a b-day party last night at mega quest and it was fun. but everyone was so tired they didnt want to drive home so i am here at my aunts. well my mom wants to send me to a group home, my dad (hes an alcholic, druggie) or my grnadpa stocks that lives up north in black river. well i dont know whats going on and well sara and shawn are taking me by grandpa this weekend with them cause they invited me. so thats no proble. well there isnt much goinf besides the same thing about home. well i am out so later much love peace Patience

here i am in milwaukee i take a drank sand relized its my mistake i called troy yesterday he feels sorry for me i didnt want that but when we got off the phone i tried to sleep then here came danny and matt danny threatens matt he is gonna kill him he is drunk so i went to danny and said shut the fuck up then he said make me i said try me he came up to me and said get out of my house i said it wasnt his then he went to my face and threated me i was scared hes not a good man he never was i wasnt able to sleep i was terrified i hoped matt was okay this morning danny went at him i wanted to cry but i didnt everything right now is messed up i hate my life well here is my poem so tell mhat u think i sit and wounder why u do this to me you have always made me break and want to die most of all i hate you you always wounder why, i cant be good enough, well u make my imperfections if this was the night i chose to die, i would want to tell all my loving friends, that i am sorry for all my mistakes and this is my goodbye so i hope u all know i love you and will miss you all my death that i seep is in the air i tried to hold on longer but its just not fair im broken more then anything i try to make everyone else happy but myself i need to help more but i am to late my strength has gone so low, that even when my friends tried to pull all my friends i am so sorry for leaving you above my soul is so weak to stay, but while i am gone it will grow day by day so here is my last goodbye while i drank this dye

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she tried to hit me i ran away she threw a full can at me she hurt my feelings i called roman to get me he came they all were there for me i didnt have shoes or even a sweat shirt i was cold josh was there also for me i got shoes i went to guidence they didnt help i went home more screaming i hate this im grounded for 2 years i messed up i went to the band and got my lip perced so fuck yea im in milwaukee im going to hottopic mom took joshs pants away from me i am sad

Well I went to the dance and it was fun. But now I regret going. I went to the dance with Roman, Burt, And Bri. We went out to eat at Perkins and it was yummy. But first let me say what happen before then. Well when I was getting ready for the dance Kento called me, and asked if I was going with Dan to the dance and what time should he pick me up. Well I already had plans so I said I would meet them there. Well I was looking nice and everything well that’s what everyone said and then we were all late to the dance but it was okay. Well Dan and I were hanging all night. We held hands, hugged, and he even held me in his arms. It was great. I thought he liked me. But since I am so stupid we were going out and then the next day he broke up with me. I don’t really know what the hell happen I am so devastated *shakes head* this pisses me off. I don’t know what I did wrong and I like him a lot. O well I should be use to it by now. Well then this morning my mom was going off on me for something I didn’t do. She was yelling and saying I am not going to school until I found the fucking check that I did not touch. She makes me feel like shit all the time. Isn’t it good enough I clean for her all the time cause I do it all the time and I am a fucking good kid. I don’t do drugs and all that shit. I stopped drinking and for what nothing for more depression on my shoulders. Some times I just wish she would die and feel what I feel. I already feel like I am dead inside and no one know what I really feel cause I hold everything in and when there is to much I hold in I end up crying like last night I cried myself to sleep and I don’t know why. Well this is what I had to let out for now sorry if I sound miserable or make u feel sorry for me cause u don’t have to. Well love ya all and I hope things go great for everyone else. Much love peace Patience

Well I haven’t written in here for a long ass time. Well I am back in school and well I guess its okay. My mom is being a bitch about making me clean and shit so yea well to make it short here is what all has happened. Leah’s b-day roman Burt and Bri all came fun. Went shopping with them all last weekend. Aaron moved L. I like Dan There’s no one new. Dance is coming up. I love Burt and Bri. Burt might be going to homecoming with roman. Dick is being a jerk. He’s dumb. I’m moving by amber when we sell are house. Leah got surgery. And well that’s it. Well I like Dan and he probley don’t like me but I am fine with that shit. I guess there is nothing on my mind so I will try to update more often now. Much love peace Patience

HELLO JOURNAL, well i am so happy it was so FUCKING AWESOME. I am going next year for sure HA HA. well it was so fucking awesome that i went into the mosh pits and i had a bloody nose and then i have brusises all over and then i hurt. i love dope annd all them man. the band malice in wounderland gave me a doll. sweetness and well i dont want to be on much longer i am hungary so i am gfonna go and maybe i will write more later. much love peace. PS IRISH FEST IS COMMING UP YAY

Hello journal, Well i am at Averys house and she is taking me to BAND CAMP (JJO). Its gonna be so fucking awesome tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHA.... i am so happy, then i am also talking to brittany r boyfriend which she is screwing over cause he is a nice guy and well she needs to doe now. lol sorry. well she leaves tomorrow finally cause i am sick of her and the whole ryan thing. Well i had to go my bros b-day party today. it was okay i guess and well next week is irish fest with Brittany and BRianna so muchh fun. well i have to go so later. much love peace patience

Hello journal, Well i am in in Milwaukee and the internet is keep on logging me off damit. I am pissed and well i have been okay latly. I have been hanging out with Bri and Brittany and well there the awesomeness.Well Brittanys little brother is my little friend lol, and well i am gonna train that kid.lol. I love him lol. Brittany and Bri just so you know i wuv you :.* he he he. Well i have been weird latly cause i told corey that i was happy he broke up with me, i dont know why i said it, but i was talking to Kento (tony) and well i got this feeling that i have never felt before. i told him first that i was happy he broke up with me cause he was a terriable boyfriend and kento even said that. But Corey still liked me when i told him this and then he was all confused and then we agreed to be friends like we were cause we were good friends so that makes me happy. And Dan was sleeping over at his house so Dan got it straight from me to o well. Well i now i like Kento. I dont like anyone else cause i have been asked out then i said no. So yea. I'm soppose to find him a girlfriend and well i dont know who would be right for him. And i know i am not for him cause i am a terriable girlfriend well thats what i think and well he probley dont like me that way. GRRRR i dont know what to do. I shouldnt even gotten to know him more then i did, DAMIT. He's such a sweetie and he's so cute. He even gave me his number and i didnt ask for it. He said when i get back home we should hang out and that he would really like that. AHHH i am done no more. BRI & BRIT HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well i need to call my mom tomorrow cause i need to ask her if my other Brittany can come over for riverfest week or weekend. It would be so kewl cause then i can have her meet all my new friends and shit like that. Its gonna be alot of fun. I LOVE HER ALSO BUT BRITT AND BRI I LOVE MORE. Well my aunt got in a car crash and well she cant feel her legs, but i just dont have a tear for her, i just dont. *shrugs* damit. and well i think i got Cam pissed at me cause i read his journal and well it said that he dont care about anyone and shit and that he dont want to bother ppl who are not gonna be in his life. and then i wrote to him on msn that i care about him and then he logged off. but u will never know. Leander, i also talk to him and he wants to hang out and well he is stopping. YAY (drugs) so yea well i have to go anyways so later. MUCH LOVE PEACE PATIENCE

Hello journal, Well all weekend I have been cleaning and its like ouch. I have been tired and cranking and well sore. I guess Brittany is going out with Luke and well I am happy for her. She still likes dick but he’s always gonna be thinking of amber cause he is in love with her. That’s just Ricky though. My mom is pissing me off. Cause she wont give a break about cleaning. And well I had one and that was today and then Bri had called and asked me if I wanted to hang out tomorrow. And well my mom said I would be cleaning more so I am not allowed to. So I am pissed. I wish that everything would be better cause I just about to lose it. I want to visit Nate this week sometime and well I asked Roman if he would bring me to see him. Cody have also stopped by a lot lately which is kewl cause I enjoy him coming over. Well what I did today was hang out with Joshy, Roman, and Ricky. It wasn’t all that bad. It was kinda fun. We watched a movie that had Johnny Debb in it and well I forgot what it was called and then we were picking on each other and well they picked on me the most. But it was fun I guess. And well my mom wanted a copy of Roman’s license cause she wanted to make sure that she knew who I was with incase I wasn’t home on time cause she was gonna call the cops if I wasn’t home by nine. Well I have to go anyway cause my mom is gonna yell at me to get off so I guess later. Never say you love a person until you know the real them. Cause you never know who they really are until one day they had messed up. Much love peace Patience

Hello journal, Well what’s been going on with me. That’s the whole question that’s been going through my head. I don’t understand why I have been so mean to the people that I really care about. I don’t mean to its just that I don’t. I have been also thinking if Nate a lot lately. He’s been crawling in my mind making me feel so fucked up. I miss him so much. The food, the games. The hassle, and the pranks. I miss his smile that made me feel like I was really someone special that someone really cared about me. With the whole Corey thing I just give up. He makes me feel like shit and so does everyone. Yes there are people that like me but I just don’t give a rat ass about them. Everything seems like its falling apart even the friendships that I have with other. Roman and Ricky went to Nate’s grave and then they wanted me to go with them. I wasn’t able to go cause I was supposed to watch my brothers. But then my parents didn’t even end up going. But then Quinn and me went like 8. So I was pissed. I wanted to go cause I haven’t gone yet and there is so much I need to say. I even look in the sky sometime and try to see if he up there and being the way he is. I have notice a lot of people have been thinking of Nate also. I am not the only one. I also saw Cody today I was happy to see him. I got a hug of course and then I also got food yummy. Well I don’t think I am gonna give anyone a chance right now. Love isn’t a word that can be expressed unless its really true. There is just no hope right now. So I have called it a quits. Brittany has been there a lot for me and I thank her cause I would be a more of a wreak then I am. Thank you Brittany and I love you. Well I have to go so later. Much love peace. Patience R.I.P. NATE-O

Hello journal, Well I went to the Jefferson county fair all weekend. My dad lives there and well he hasn’t called for almost 2 years til last week. I hate him so much, but I went over for the weekend. He lives in a trailer now and well its really big. He also took us to the bar of course and got drunk like normal and then started to get in fights. I was there so I screamed in the bar and told him to shut the fuck up. Then he looks at me and I sat back down. Then he started again so I walked out of the bar and was going to run away like last time. Well of course this time he followed me and said I should yell or walk away again. So I told him he doesn’t know me so don’t worry about it and that I was older then he was cause he acts like a child. Then the fair was fun. Of course dad said he was going to be there and he was at the bar tents so we were left alone all night, I saw some people that I was friends with and well this kid name Justine who is going to be a junior ends up liking me. Well I met him at prom so yea. I don’t know I just don’t have feeling for anyone right now that I know of. But it was fun with Rodger and his girl and Justine. Then I went home and went to sleep. The next day we went to the bar for a bit and then went to the fair for the derby races. It was pretty kewl. There were some hot guys driving also lol. And then I went home. I called Brittany and she asked if I wanted to go to the movies so I said yea. Then I was talking to Howard and Corey and cam on the computer. Well I found out Corey still likes me a lot and well he just got grounded again. So he said he would like to go with me but he cant. I was talking to Howard and he also wanted to go with me cause he’s like “are you going with anybody and then he wanted to take me to the other movie theater cause he wanted to see born twisted. Well I wanted to see Charlie and the chocolate factory with Britt and Bri. It was a good movie by the way. And Corey and Howard hate each other. Corey was worried I might go with Howard but I didn’t. So yea. It was fun and I don’t know whom I like more. I went out with both of them but one can be a jackass really bad. Ahhh who knows. I love Brittany by the way lol. Well I am going to go I have to do a essay about the chocolate war. Much love peace Patience PS: i brought lamb chops to school today he he

Well Corey and me broke up and it’s really sad. His parents don’t like me cause they think I am gothic. It pisses me off. But then I hear that he might go out with Justine and that pisses me off more cause why would he say he likes me and then go to the movies with tat whore. Okay I am back from break and guess what he hates her so he blocked her on msn. I am happy now cause maybe he really does still like me. Ahhh I will find out so yea. But I broke my ANTI-GUY DAY thing cause Gabe made me first then we just stopped. (Me and Brittany) ha ha ha I love Brittany. LoL. Well I talked to cam last night and well it was awesome cause we talked for hours and then there was roman and MY DICK, who stopped by and then marked my face with permanent marker. So far lately I have been having fun. I am finally ungrounded and well I hope I pass both classes after 2 weeks so I stay of grounded. Well I have to go to my dads this weekend because he finally called after a year and ½. I don’t even know why he did. He never did before. I have to go to his house my mom said so I have to go to the Jefferson county fair. Wow what a blast with my gay brother and DAD. I have hated my dad for so long it’s not even funny. I don’t like summer school but I rather have it cause then there is something to do and other wise I have to stay home and be bored cause I never know what to do even when I am ungrounded. Well I like Corey a lot still but I don’t know. GRRR well I am going to go since I have nothing else to talk about at the moment. Much love peace Patience What happens if I said I love you and then cried? What happens if I said I hated and then died? All I can think about is the stupid shit that happened in my life, therefore I always want to take the knife and say goodbye.

Hello journal, Well i had summer school it was alright and well i saw brittany and i love her to death. she is like my sister and damit she is awsome. i have also talked to corey and well he thought i was gonna break up with him cause i said we had to talk. the onley reason though was so then we could find out whats gonna happen cause i am afraid to lose him cause he was my best friend and now that were togather its more then i thought it would be. he makes me happy and then also sad when he is sad. ahh i would do anything for him. im in milwaukee of course and well boring this weekend cause i am at my grandparents house instead ahh what a bore. i just found out that my mom has 3 tumors and i feel like its all my fault cause i cant be perfect for her. i know i say i hate her most of the time but she always makes me want to scream. if she would let me be more free then maybe i can be what she wants but i would never change i really am. i know i can get good grades but if she is gonna drive me up the wall all the time of course i am not gonna try cause there is no reason cause i am always grounded. then well i saw bre bre and she is awsome i think were gonna be great friends cause she is a non caring bitch like me and i love that cause now i have more then 3 girls that are friends. cause all i have is guys mostly. well i guess this is gonna be the end right now cause i am gonna eat some food. so later MUCH LOVE PEACE PATIENCE

hey whats sup i just made this and i am in a happy mood at the moment and well yea. i am going out with corey shuller and he's awsome and well my best friend is brittany staberger i think i spelled her name wrong but its okay i like the 70s and 80s but more the 70s so yea i love the long skirts and i like alot of emo rock punk and all that kind of shit and well i hate rap so yea well i have to go so later. much love peace patience