I still dont really recall any specific event of the previous night/early morning. i remember driving in the rain and it lightning. But now that the new day has broken through i know that it is time for this. This being something that was so completely inevitable from the begining. And we knew that. And im ok with it. Sometimes theres nothing better than an end. I've had my fun, that is for sure. I'm not a victim of some feeble mind disease.Although some of my old friends would tend to disagree.I know these chemicals will get the best of me.I'm not saying that I want to quit it just makes it hard to breath But who needs lungs when you just bought a brand new pen....I've got a boy problem.I've got a drug problem.And I don't want to solve them.They sit right where I want them.They kill my memory,and if I take enough I won't miss you so much. Now here is the part where I apologize, and im thinking that we should take some time off because the loneliness would do us both some good. So I aplogize, because im not so sorry. I soon found out just how miserable I could really be all by myself In this haunted house With my paranoid disease. And everything i said last night with my mind drowned in wine was true. He was here and so was I and i dont really care what happened or what wouldve. It's not like I'm a slut or that I really like to fuck.I just want every boy I see to walk away with part of me. Until there's nothing left to hold, until there's nothing left to hate I appreciate your help but even you can't save me from myself. I used to know this boy who took notes in a book But he ripped out all the pages Before I got a look at all the words he scribbled,at all the lines he filled But the ink stains on his fingers told me he was skilled at capturing a feeling That most of us just miss: the simple pain of living with goodbyes on our lips But i dont know that boy anymore,in fact; i never did. Ok, i hope you're still reading because now im close to done. We'll put that old record on and dance to your favorite song. The one that I wish I made but wouldn't ever play Because of the war in me that killed my self-esteem. But somehow when I'm with you my state of mind improves And I won't need that medicine to concentrate again And I know it isn't fair to expect you to care for someone who won't get well.I think we can both tell that this the final night to get this goodbye right So I hope that when I leave You will still think of me,Not as I am today.But as someone you wanted to stay there. that was it.