So here I am thinking just how dumb I can be sometimes. After a little fight with her I say man I need a drink. Little did I know that would lead to me drinking myself stupid. Everytime I ran into someone I know they would ask how my situation is going and that would just lead me to another drink. I dont think I have ever consumed that much in such a short time. I just wanted to feel better I just wanted to not hurt. Needless to say I suffered for it the next day. Is this what my life is going to turn into once she is gone. I know that I have little to no chance of holding onto her but right now as all the things around me come crashing down on me I still look to her for hope. I am slowly loseing my family and my career. The people I work for are doing everything they can to fuck me over and the home front is falling apart with no end in sight. So tell me what is there for me? Why can't I just figure this all out? Why cant I just know what to do? What do I have to be to be everything that I want? And where the hell is everyone why do I feel like I am wandering alone?