I don't know what to do with myself. So I sit online...

I don't know what to feel with this medicine.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

That is what I feel. The buzzing noise that tinny, overhead light fixtures emit. Wonderful.

Isn't that just pathetic? I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family. I didn't overstuff myself with food, so I was never too full. I got a nice drinking buzz. And I laughed all day with my extended family. Yet all I can feel is this inner buzzing. Humming? No, more buzz-like. And I can't turn it off... so I cannot sleep. Wonderful.

I just wanted to change the subject & talk about something positive... but is that how I'm going to live the rest of my life? Doped up & avoiding the negative? That's annoying. I've been getting annoyed with myself quite often. I just wanna put it out there that if I were getting laid, I probably wouldn't be so hard on myself. The medicine just is so limiting. But it's keeping me up. Up up up high above destructive thoughts.. Can medicine defy gravity for that long? Hmmm?!? How long until I have to increase it to push against the pull of gravity. Aka reality. Aka I hate it.

Whoops.