hey everyone... well, i'm back so i guess. i've been around but not up for much. yeah, i've been doing okay so i guess. since troy broke up with me i haven't been myself but then again i have i'm just not feeling the same ya know. i don't really want to go into the whole break up b/c it's not that big and i think troy just needs some time to his self to figure out what he wants and what he's doing and so i'm just giving him that time and i hope he decides what he wants. i love him to death and i miss him and want to be with him so bad but i can't make him love me and it hurts so bad but if he doesn't want to be with me then i can't make him ya know. he's gonna have to see on his own that he needs me and loves me and misses me and all that stuff and decide his self so yeah. and it's really hard not to call him and bug him and stuff but i'm trying and also, i mean, i usually talk to him everyday and see him at least once a week if not twice and it's hard to not do that too b/c i'm so used to it and he always asked how my day went and things like that. just took alot off my sholders and just helped me and now i can't get all that so that's hard too. but i'm doing okay and i'm trying to get through this the best i can but i really do hope he comes back to me and tells me how he feels and stuff so i guess i'll see. ya know though... i'm so scared on the inside b/c i hope it's not too late. i wish there was more i could do to make him see i'm the one and i'm special but there's just nothing i can do and i hate it. i'm just waiting for the day that he calls me and wants to talk about things or comes to my house and surprises me whether he wants to talk or go out or whatever or even surprise me at school or maybe find out what i'm doing on a certain day to surprise me... but ya know, i get to thinking about things and i get my hopes up so high and then they come crashing down and there i am left on my own. and i've probably got my hopes up to high right now b/c troy has already called me just to see how i was and the other day i ate at zaxby's which is where he works and we talked and joked around and he gave me a hug and kiss on the head and to me those things gave me hope and made me feel good b/c i know he's not over me and i know he doesn't just want to leave me hanging and on my own but it just hurts to not be able to be serious with him b/c that's what i want and i guess he doesn't. and i just don't want to get my hopes up on the things he does or says and then we're really over. well, i'm done blabing about my problems. i know there are others out there who have more problems than i do so i try not to complain too much. well, i hope i get everything fixed or worked out in my life and i hope everyone else is doing good too. i'll try and be back soon. ** i love you so much troy and i can't help myself. ×doodles×