update: at the choir concert thursday night, one of the choirs sung music of the night, and oh, how it was butchered, the arranger should die, it was painful to listen to it, it actually sounded HAPPY FOR GODS SAKE. god, why do things annoy me so much sometimes lately? why are there always parallels between my life and what i am reading? my horoscope always seems to go along with my life too, for some reason. what was it this morning? something along the lines of "yes, it is time to jump ship before it sinks...good thing you brought your life jacket." i couldn't find a parallel and thought it was quite strange, until i realized that today is my last day of work. i smell...lucky you. mixed with sweat. because we actually had to work today, i was running all over the place for 5 and a half hours, we were trying to keep our time under 3 minutes (which is actually quite hard...some people take half that or more just to order, etc.) yesterday was a day that things were put in perspective for me. i was in such a hurry to get to the mall, and when the highway was blocked off for the presidential parade or whatever you want to call it, we all thought it was a really bad accident because there were flashing lights everywhere, and it made me think wow, im in such a hurry to get to the mall by seven and somebody else might be dead. but it was a-ok, since it was the presidential parade, and we were stuck for a half hour or so...people were getting out of their cars and walking around conversing to each other with expletives, it was quite amusing. and then...that. i couldn't stop thinking about that all day. how everyone, including me, at my work complains about work. and how the job isnt demanding at all, especially compared to some other jobs. [lostsecrets] ___________________________________ i know i havent been on here in a while, and i feel weird about leaving such an angry entry up for so long without adding any entries, but oh well...what happens happens. sometimes, i feel like im drowning. why am i so tired all the time? i've been going to bed at nine, or ten, and i get up and im still walking around like a zombie the whole day. last night i was so tired, i was practically in a daze. i had to fight to stay awake on the way home...i had a headache from being so tired. i'm falling behind in school, i never feel rested no matter how much sleep i get, i don't know what to do. frau hates me because i didnt do half a worksheet, mr peters hates me because i had a sip of clear powerade in his class and i still havent made up that quiz, god. i spend my afternoons after school at work, or being too tired to think... and then there's the positive side of drowning. i feel some strange pleasure at the fact that i'm slipping under. in more ways than one. and aside from it all, i still have this feeling that things are going the way they are supposed to, or that things are going well, or whatever you want to call it. a feeling of happiness. anyways, ill add more later, because i have to go to work. my last day, woo hoo! i think they may have forgotten im quitting, but regardless, i'm not going to work after today. jessie told me today would be my last day, so i'm not going to work after today. ______________________________________ what is it that makes me so drawn to darkness? :-/