(don't worry or get confused that title is not actually intended to make sense..) sniffle... sniffle.. SNEEZE!!!! I stayed home today. I have a cold. sigh. It's not too bad but I've got a lot of stuff going on and if I stress myself out too much then I'll get REALLY sick- which hasn't happened in a long time, and I'm still not planning on letting it happen! Thankfully it's not going to hurt any because I have a half day today anyways, and I know I'm not missing much. Ugh. That means I have to do like three assignments today though.. oh well. Technically I shouldn't be on here- I know my mom would yell at me if she was here.. but ":-p" to that!! Actually I turned on the computer to write an essay, because I want to be librarian for the band. (A new position- basically it means I would have to organize all the music, keep the band room and lockers clean, and keep track of all the school instuments.) I think I'd be good at it, and it would take up some time, but it's something that I want to be done, and most importantly it makes me look good for college n stuff. Plus I'm a senior now and I feel like I should contribute a little more. But don't worry.. I'm not writing the essay on my diary.. :-p Band band band... yesterday I had to stay after school for rehearsal again. It wasn't fun. Well... it usually isn't.. but yesterday was worse because of my cold. I really felt like crap. I had to wait around for four hours, as usual, and there was nothing to do. I tried doing my homework, but I couldn't make any sense of it. I'm always pretty useless right after school. I was really bored so I walked laps around Lisa, but then I thought better of it since she was practicing a new routine with her flag and I didn't want to get brained.. :) So I kind of wandered around for a while, and ate other people's food because I didn't have any dinner. Lemon chicken, popcorn, and half a fortune cookie.. :-/ Good thing they weren't hungry that day, because I was! Eventually I was reduced to just sitting listlessly outside the band room in my "spot" where I always go to sit listlessly. Then it was time for practice.. We were a little afraid because our director wasn't there and our drum major Chris was going to lead it, and he had a bad day that day- he got kicked in the balls for no reason and someone threw his letterman jacket in a tree (and he's really short so it wasn't exactly easy for him to get it down- though I must say he would make a good monkey..) But he did a good job and everything went pretty well. AND we didn't even have to run or do warm-ups that night, which made me happy. I still didn't like it much though, because it got really cold, and a lot of the time you're just sitting there waiting while he works with other people. So I was half frozen, tired, sick, and I had a headache. They added this new part to the show, where I'm part of a spiral shape on the 40 yard line near the front hash, and I have to do this follow the leader bit. First we spiral in, and then we as we start to spiral out we speed up almost twice as fast, and I have to turn and slingshot out of the spiral all the way over to the OTHER 40 yard line and move up close to the sideline. It's hard. Very hard. People get in the way and I can never make it in time even though I'm running all-out. (haha there's no way I'll EVER be able to play during that part..) It was pretty fun though, and it made me feel less sick. I was sooo tired by the end of the day. We practiced the spiral thing like five times, and I had worked extra hard in PE that morning too- we had to do conditioning and sprints and stuff. I was kind of in pain and I ended up yelling at Richie because he was being a dork as usual- running into me and pushing me around, and I was really not in the mood for that. (He thought I was mad at him, but fortunately I managed to clear that up later.) Even in the morning everything hurt. If it wasn't my shoulders it was my feet or my head.. or all three. Still, I was in an okay mood. So then my mom picks me up and tells me that my quarter grades have just come in and spends the entire ride lecturing me and telling me to do things which I know will make absolutely no difference. She just doesn't get it. I got A's in PE and Health, B's for band and my TA period, a C in AP calc, a D in english, and an F in econ. She was flipping out. All I wanted was to be left alone, and be allowed to remain in my happiness until I could go to bed. But noooo. I ended up crying while I was taking my shower and I was very tantalized by the razor.. I tried not to look at it and thank god I'm a coward because that only lasted for about ten minutes and I was fine afterwards. I think the shower and the running helped a lot. (and it's not that my mom was really being mean to me or anything- and she didn't even say anything bad. I just didn't take it well, that's all.) It's strange. I've been feeling more depressed lately. Usually I'm not like that. I've been stressing out because I'm a senior now and I don't know what to do, and there's really nothing I CAN do because there's really not much of a choice for me. I'm confused. Lost and confused. I don't want to be depressed or depressing.. and honestly I don't mean to be.. sigh.. I let the littlest things get me down. oh well. It's all good now.. Haha I think I should call it weeping wednesday. :-p Wednesday's always suck. Majorly. It was really a day for eating my words too- the day before my teacher was talking about a bug that's going around, and I was thinking "I won't get sick!!".. hahahah... and just yesterday I remember thinking.. "really, I'm fine. I don't have TOO much trouble with depression. I can handle it." And they both set in.. hehee. silly me. :-p