hmm.. well I can never say what I want to say anymore becuase I know I'll only get yelled at. and that just makes it worse. well you know what? "fuck." there. that's all I have to say. ha. :-p *guilty* guilty, guilty, guilty. I've grumped at my dad just now and then he offered to buy me something. ha... :-p I have to admit that's about the only time I like him at all. Family. Ha. family is shit. Family is just what's "there" that you have to put up with just like everything else you never wanted. a final, resounding, GUILTY. whatever. I don't give a shit. :) and what AM I going to do? get myself into some sort of trouble, surely. I'm in such a jam already. I can't do what I want to do and even what I want to do I don't WANT to do... Now that I know what I NEED to do I especially can't. I don't know how anyway. The only ideas I like are so far from even being possible that there's no use even thinking about them. Everyone keeps trying to tell me: "do this, and everything will be wonderful". They all lie. Maybe I should blow myself up.. hmm.. :-/ :-p ha.. then I really COULD go several different directions at once.. but No. Now I'm going to go make something sick that the sane will dislike. *AND FLAUNT IT.* It will bug their eyes out when I tell them it was my idea (me, the "sweetie"). ha... :-p god, I'm such a nice person, I should give myself a medal. Why do I have such aversion to the things I'm supposed to like? (today, this week, lately..?) Actually, I think what I'm supposed to like isn't really what I like at all. I just never GET what I like. Maybe I do. :-/ Maybe I'm just greedy. But who can blame me. I need a leash. and happy food. (happyyy..) and some of those mittens they put on babies so they don't scratch themselefs. (Further evidence that I am three. Yes, and it's not funny.)