WHY?? WHY HIM? WHY THE GREATEST FUCKING MAN KNOWN TO THIS EARTH?? There is no god! If there is one why would he take the kindest man I have ever met? The guy was a saint. He was the nicest man I've ever met. And he's leaving because some fucking doctors can't find a cure for cancer. And it makes you wonder. Why would God let a man suffer so... why would God allow cancer to even exist? Its horrid. The cancer started in his colon and is working its way up. I dont want him to die. He's begging god to take him. God made him this way. He gurgles when he breathes. His lungs are filling up. Cayce's with him in Martha's Vineyard. He called home crying. I dont want this to happen... My grandpa, he was in a band. It was called "The Expressions". It was a jazzy type band. Even though it was jazz, I loved the music. He sang lullabyes and stuff too. He's a great man. And I swear if he dies in vain I'm going too. In other news... Stevies getting suspended for Sexual Harrassment. When we're at school he hugs Skittlez when we're walking to choir and it bugs her. She's having trouble with her boyfriend right now. When ever he hugs her, he hugs her tightly. And she'll say "Ow my cookies" In refrence to yeah... And now Stevie is saying "I ate Skittlez cookies" and saying things like "Skittlez is my girlfriend and I'm her boyfriend" He also started the rumor that he's going out with Samantha too. Skittlez told him to stop and he wouldn't. We tried to get her into the counsellor cause at our school its ZERO TOLERANCE for sexual or any type of harrassment. We had to sign her up FOUR FUCKING TIMES before the counsellors actually called her in. I was already pissed off at him. A few days ago he started calling me a narcisist. I am not full of myself. I never have been. And never will be. When we told him about the counsellors thing, he said that he could get Skittlez expelled for sexual harrassment too. I asked him how. He said "Skittlez hugs Stephanie and Will all the time!" I told him thats not sexual harrassment. Sexual harrassment is when you do something someone tells you not to do that has something "Sexual" in it. He said "So?". I asked Stephanie and Will if they minded being hugged by Skittlez and they said no. So, yeah. Majority rules. Stevies all pissed off at us now. I dont see myself ever becoming or being friends with Stevie ever again. My Bakka (Grandma)is in town for a week. She's taking me to the mall tomorrow with Amanda. I'm getting a book or two, some clothes a CD and minutes for my phone. So, if you're long distance, expect a call from me soon. I can't wait. I love when I'm around my Bakka. She's so freaking cool. I finally found I song that is for me. Its my song. Devil ~Staind She sits alone again And tries her best not to pretend That all she used to live for was the love that wasn't there. And every time she needs to do the things That she believes will fill the void inside of her Because he was never there, And she says, "I swear I'm not the devil though you think I am, I swear I'm not the devil" x2 He tries to sleep again, And wonders when the pain will end The cuts they may run deeper than his cracking out shell He looks with tired eyes at all the people hypnotized And wonders what will save him from his self created hell. And he says, "I swear I'm not the devil though you think I am, I swear I'm not the devil." x2 I always fail to see the little things in front of me. The things that mean so much to you, a way to let you know That I appreciate the way you always tolerate But sometimes when I medicate frustration in you shows me how you feel But I swear I'm not the devil though you think I am, I swear I'm not the devil. And I scream I swear I'm not the devil though you think I am, I swear I'm not the devil.