Well I'm back and for good. I have been away for it seems ever! But I'm back and here to stay. Desinging a new layout and working on some updates. Ok so she wasn't pregnant. That was a relief seriously! Well she was but something happend and she was bleeding pretty bad one day and I won't go into details.. I broke up with her, and am dieing on the inside. I long for the girl who's heart I broke. Will add more later! ~Later Dayz~ ~John

I just don't know what to do anymore!!! I can't seem to really fall in love with Erica, my heart belongs to an ex and I can't stop how I feel for her. But I did get Erica pregnant!!! I'm so lost and confused right now it suxs.... Nothing is working out for me as of late and I'm not ready to have a kid yet.... I'll be sure to keep kyou upfdated! Bye

Well here it is I got Erica pregnant and we have no clue what is going to happen. That's all I can really say right now!

Well I went to my first ever concert tonight. It was Superchick, 11endy 7, 7th Day Slumber, and 2 other ones! But I met up with Sarah today at the concert and well I figured something out. The only one I fucking hate that I messed up in a relationship is Sarah. I miss her and seeing her tonight made me realize how bad I miss her! I hate that I messed up my future with her. Haha sounds stupid right, but I still love love her. Of course I'll never tell her though. I don't want to hurt her again! Her's something I wrote for her! I've been laying here for a while Wondering what to do My head's been runnning around for miles Thinking of how I hurt you And now I'm standing here While my heart splits in two As I wipe away these tears Not knowing what to do ----------------------------- (chorus) And now all I'm thinking about Is when I really knew When I began to start To really fall for you As this cold wind rushes past my face While I srat to think of the time When I felt your sweet embrace Knowing that you were mine ---------------------------- I fell way to close Connected by the heart Your what I miss the most But I faultered at the start I thought I would be with you Everything was going smooth But then you did it too I should have know you'd do it too (chorus again) For that short sweet time I broke your heart and mine

Ok so I'm so lost of late! I am now out of the Navy because I fucked up my ankle... Debra and I broke up becuase well the distance was the main factor her being in Italy and me being her in MN so yeah... I still miss her and it wreaked my relationships to date... I went through TEC wich for some reason sucked big time but I did meet a beautiful girl named Sarah. Everything was going great until I realized that I was really starting to fall for her, and then I did the dumbest thing ever and broke up with her, and I guess I really broke her heart. I feel so aweful because that was the last thing I wanted to do to her. Then I started dating Erica and well I've broken up with her twice now and she says she's never felt like this for someone before. Why do girls keep falling in love with me as of late??? After Debra I don't know if I will ever again find true love, or even pursue it. I hate my job I'm working at this gay ass gas station and I know I can be doing better!!! I still haven't talked to my mother the bitch. That's a whole nother entry later sometime! I guess I've been pushing one of my best friends away really bad and I didn't even realize I was doing it... Ok I'm looking for love but when I start to find it I run ever since Debra, I loved her soo much it still hurts. Now I'm sick of where I am now and am thinking of taking off and pursueing my music career. Thaks for listening Later Dayz! ~John

Well Sarah and I never broke up we are still dating and doing better than ever. I finally met her mom for thanksgiving and she seems to like me so there's a plus. Anyways not too much new other than that really!

Well I broke up with Sarah and it sucks I truthfully loved her and now I am lost! I forgort how it feels when someone you love tells them that it can't work out. I've cried yes I'll admit it! I think about her constantly I do in my heart still love her but I know she'll get over me. I wish I could work everything out for us but she's gone through so much since we've been together. She constantly gets told that she shouldn't be dating me, so why not look like the bad guy for once and save her. Well that's enough for now.

Well Sarah stayed up this weekend and well we are dating now! I'm happy but then again I have this feeling that I might not able to stay true like I used to be able to? It's kinda scary. But we'll just have to see! Later Dayz!

So well here's the new deal! TEC sucked I've never been so pissed of in a long time. Cristina and I are no longer friends because of how she was at TEC and well that's that! I guess I'm a hott guy lol. But I have 2 girls that I've been getting close to and I don't know what to do. I think I can't have a relationship right now because well I'm the biggest flirt now that I have the looks lol. So we'll see!

Well I've been pretty much working a lot. I am co-director of the next tec. Hmm, still no word from Debra so I am glad I broke up with her. Well I am going to change the layout of this page soon. ttyl!

Everyone go here please. Becoming a Star

Well there has still been no word from Debra after I sent the email. Anyways other than that I have been doind well. I'm working, and hopefully getting a car soon. I am also working the next TEC we are having in October. It's kewl because I get to be co-director with my best friend Cristina. So it's going to be a blast, well ttyl!

Well I was doing pretty good untill Debra called. We talked and after that well I wrote an email saying that it was over between because I have this feeling that she's getting closer to another guy. I've learned from my past to listen to what my emotions are feeling. I guess it's for the best she's in Italy and I'm here. I don't know.... ttyl

Well we finally got I-net and cable at the house. So I'll be able to do a lot more. TTYL!

Well I went to the big mall yesterday in Duluth, and well haha... I got a lot of looks from girls. My roommate or flatmate as I like to use now. Anyways we went into PAC SUN just to see how many girls looked and haha staired. Well they all looked, Kyle was like I hate you, all those girls looked. Haha and the day before that we went to Village Inn a restaurant. Well all the girls who worked there looked too. There was this really cute girl, then one who showed us to our seats. Well she kept on coming by the table making it obvious. She was really cute, if I wasn't dating Debra I would have definently asked her out on a date. We'll see what happens. TTYL! ~John

Well I got a call from Debra a couple days ago.... Saying that she got really drunk, and I hate drinking or more so getting really drunk. My parents are/were who knows but lets just say I grew up with alcohol in the family. Dealing with drunks and it isn't healthy. Anyways she woke up and this other guy was kissing her, because instead of driving back to base they stayed at his house. I'm soo lost and confused, I don't know know what to do. She said she told him to stop and she wouldn't kiss him. She told him that she loved someone else, but she wouldn't leave the bed because she thought it would be rude. I don't know anymore, my heart's all in a mess. My head's spinning and I think I might have to end this one. Cut your losses when your ahead right? I'll keep you posted. This is going to hurt what ever I do.

So I'm home now, and I'm very apathetic. I think about Debra every night, and i wish I could be there with her. I keep getting this bad feeling like something is going to happen and we are going to break up. Maybe it's just that when ever I find something that truely makes me happy. I end up losing it! I think sometimes I am just to caring for my own good. I get attached quick but I don't fall in love easy. But I did with her! I can honestly say I love her! I'm currently looking for a job that's fun. I'll be sure to keep you posted. TTYL! ~John

Well I finally go home on Monday! I'm geting out of the Navy. I've learned a lot and grew up a lot also. I really don't know what I'm going to go for in life, but with my training probably an RN. I've also fallen in love with someone who is going to Italy next month. I've been thinking and right now I can put my career on hold for a little while because she could be the one. It's going to be a tough couple of months for me, but I'll keep you posted. TTYL!

Well Debra and I have gotten really close! Haha she did take my "V" and we fell for one another. But she left yesterday, and I miss her. This is the 2nd time now I've found love and something seperated us. We both want this to really work out though. We've talked about marriage here and there but we both agree that we need more time. She'll be in Italy on the 25th, that's when it gets tough. I am also getting out of the Navy because of my ankle. I have no regrets, it looks like its the college life for me for a while. Well ttyl! ~John

So this is an update here lol. Well I've been seeing this girl for a little over 2 weeks now. It's all by accident that we met also. So my friend Becky and I were waiting for one of our friends to come out. We were going to the mall, anyways we see these 2 ppl and I just started talking to them and they were also going to the mall, and they were waiting for someone also. So then everyone's ready to go and I've talked with her before but not often. WE went out to AppleBees to eat and they get a call asking if they wanted to go clubbin so we decided we would go as a group. As the night went on Debra and I got closer, and after we ate breakfast at I-Hop the next morning we were cuddling there in a booth. So ever since then we've spent like as much time as we can together, but she's leaving soon. She wants me to try to get orders where she is going, and I'm actualy considering doing that. Like she is really afraid of getting hurt again, but so am I. In out pasts we've both had to grow up really fast. We actually have a lot in common. It's amazing how sometimes things just fall into place. But I got to run ttyl! ~John