why is it so hard for me to admit how much i love living here. maybe because i am soo lonely. i hate it it makes me think and when i think you know it cant be good. and im watching my sister struggle with the same things i went through just a few years ago. i sometimes wonder how it feels for joanna and carlee ...with me not there, those were my two closest friends and i hate not having them here and i hate not being able to talk to them for free. i hate having to worry about minutes. and now im talking to jake. and its harder. its harder for me to struggle with things and i feel like im alone. i feel ...like you could put me in a room. with no windows and doors and i would be happier...i dont need help...but oh, how desperately i want a friend...