ive come to the conclusion that no one here likes me. im sorry i puked all over your stupid toilet seat. i thought you of all people would understand, evidently NOT. i came back and styed with you because i wanted to whether you believe it or not and now its four o clock and youre still awake and so is jess and alana and im drunk, i hguess. i just...i feeel like no one likes me and im so left out. at least they get to go to the commons. they take everything for granted. i mean im so lost and i have no best friend anymore. i thought these WERE my best friends. evidently not. i dont know i feel bad for puking all over the toilet seat and she says no one likes her. theres a million and one reasons i LOVE her. The other one says i've changed and become homophobic. not really. you just don't like me anymore. Now that you've got HER.The three of you seem to have so much fun without me. why do i even need to be in that room. i remember when we did this before, minus the margarita mix and koolaid. Listen to them Laugh. I get no laughs with good friends. i dont even know what theyre talking about. oh, goodness i want to vomit and vomit until my brains fall out of my head.i've been replaced.and i know this is the only way of pleasing the crowd. Brooke will be glad to hear this in two weeks. i dont know. im so lost. everythings so funny. she hates me.Her hates me. The other one doesnt understnad and theres snot running down my nose. i dont knwo. its so hard to grow up. i miss them all so much and now they play these games and i have no idea what theyre talking about.its so hard coming back and knowing NOTHING. remember when jonny came to the commons and we went to that New London party? what? we never went to ANY new london parties?i cant keep you close to me. i just...i cant eew snot. its all a game. i wanna sit here adn cry forever. look at you. now you can laugh with them. listen to that. i dont knwo. i wanna stay here. go to school here. grow up here. why did i have to move in the middle of my prime? i dont know ive changed theyve changed. nothing makes sense anymore. gosh why cant i just enjoy this? i know in forty eight hours it will be over. even sooner. i guess im staying at mike's tomorrow. with dad. alana doesnt want me., she's got "stuff to do" and sarah's going to see chad(i dont even know the kid and yet i hate him, loathe him. detest the kids name) come take a step twoards me so you can figure me out. ive been hoping and praying for a single way for you to figure me out. i knew at the beginning that we had changed. grown apart. you had barely said two words to me when we first walked in. im here now and what have we talked about? the movie. thats IT. oh, and Jake Lefever.I cant help it she doesnt remember your name, you dont amke an effort ...see? here i go again. getting angry instead of changing things. i dont even have best friends anymore. im all alone. who could love...or even stand to be around someone like this for five minutes?i just...i wanna go back to last year whe things were so perfect. friends were defined and known and now, im thrown in this basket of people who i dont know and i dont know how to handle. we I dont know this song makes so much sense to me, im so lost and alone even though im in a house wiht three of my best friends. and i dont even knwo who to talk to about it. how do i talk to my dad he'll jkust be like...get over it, drama happens. but thats not it its not drama. its just me feeling lost. i dont know what to do. ughh. maybe im just self centered for wanting to talk about me ALL the time. but i dont. i just want to be able to be included in conversation. im sorry. i really feel like i have no idea what youre talking about.i dont know. i wannna go home and just sleep my life away. but thats how im a slacker isnt it? just sleep all my problems away? why am i getting angry? i wish i could go to the commons. so bad. you have no idea how much i would trade just for that eight minutes to see my friends. to go back to how it was. shoulder to shoulder, heart to heart, we were all friends. not brought together by our love for sex, drinking, smoking or drugs. but by our love for EACH OTHER. and now im not sure if i feel that love anymore. Or, at least i dont feel like we're that close. i dont know. i feel bad blah Blah, i dont know i feel like no one here knows me and i dont know them anymore. i just want to go and sleep my life away. that'd make more sense than anything. uggh. i hate this. this feeling which happns to bother me every single day. its more difficult today. perhaps because its right there. fifty feet away., i've always known we were grow apart. but did i really think it would happen in ten/eleven months? i thought it would take years, decades. i i thought we would always be great friends, graduate together, have babies together, be in each others wedding.throw each other bridal/baby showers. evidently not. at the rate im going, i might not even get invited. Lets get a little closer now. we're all wrapped in useless states of mind/. we have the time to realize that we were wrong. ive typed all this in half an hour and having seven drinks and puking twice i guess i should get some rest. i dont know what tomorrow will bring.. i thought id never have to worry about a place to stay. and ehre i am, presented with the predicament of nowhere to stay tomorrow night. i dont want to go to mikes with dad and madi, but i dont want to stay somewhere im not welcome. i just...sometimes i wonder whether i should keep coming back. or i should just stay home. people like me better there....like me. i like me better there. we were wrong