Yes Freakin Way. Long time no...write. Yeah anyway i've been up to nothing Same routine as always School.Sleep.Depression.Happiness.Confusion hmm.. Tomorrow is friday. at last. school is killing me. the teachers atleast i cant wait till this weekend!! Saturday ill hopefully b hitin up the *mall* and mayb goin to see *when a stranger calls* or something and just hang out w/ dad AND its nick and my 1- month anniversery :) SUNDAY = SUPERBOWLLL YO! GO STEELERS! Heck yes. I think im goin to nicks for the day hanign out w/ the gang eating and watching the game hopefully Knowing my mom though ille ver get there late or leave early grr. Hopefully things will go..my way Yeah idk i dont feel good and i really need to try and focus on homework or not. mayb ill just work on muh art proj. yeah. Lv it.

HEY EEVRYONE Yeah so tonight sucks and i wrote a quick lil poem so tell me what you think AND LEAVE ME SOME EFFIN COMMENTS!!!! Baby when will you understand And he sang to me...."Tomorrow isnt certain, so come out behind that black dull curtain... Ill wipe away your tears and try to make it all clear..." baby im sorry i sit in misery my life will always be a mystery when im at the edge of that cliff baby all i want to hear is it all isnt a myth im not sure wy you havent seen this before i cant help but just love you more dont ask me why and dont ask me how i think about the tiems we've had and baby they make me more than glad and all i want to do is thank you i dont know what it these days evernight is just another phase i hate who i am i have learned that life isnt all that glam sweetie you mean more to me than words could explain but really i cant even begin tot hink what to say just believe me..i want to be happy baby hold me. And i cried back to him... "Baby i know tomorrow isnt certain my tears will burn you like they have i this curtain is my my home when i sit here all alone i want you here. i want it now all i need is you but baby..promise me one thing you wont ever tell me goodbye"

aloof? wtf :P yeah so guess what **NOOOO SCHOOLLL** well today there wasnt oh yes. we got hi by like a storm thing and got like 3 inches of snow.. idk..idc it got me outa shcool didnt it? tomorrow i must go back though :( im praying my heart out fo ra 2 hr delay but everyone keeps putting me down..im goin to cry if we dont have one :( lame i know but still comeon! damn it >:0 :) lets see.. yeah so it was my day off and i was soo bored..i like watched a movie and slept :) i know..im just soo cool not much going on..tomorrow i have os many midterms..im just hoping the ones that were tomorrow are postponed so i can acuually look at my stuff? i guess we'll see so yeah. like i said in my last entry no pills its killing me no cutting or even thinking about it im trying my hardest hm... oh yeah. i need comments Can you feel the loveee tonighttt :) ..wow

Once upon a time.. not. yeah anyway i guess this weekend ahs been like really good Last night i went to a *HOCKEY GAME* heck yes.pure love. the fights, the fans..ohhh yeahhh 8) lol yeah it was pretty good. the other team won 6-2 :X..there were still fights and a pretty good like match or w/e yeah anyway today i went to dads we were jsut going to go out to lunch but it turned into a day at the mall :) oh yeah mys tupid stepdad thoguh in my jeans and one pair had my lipgloss in it. so it ruined all my jeans so i got like 3 new pairs from aeropostale 1 pair from pacsun and then a few shirts from aero. i love it tonight sucks nick and i are fighting i guess i have changed alot. im just miserable all the time and i have a really short temper. tonight im going to change it all im throwing away the pills and im not going to touch a knife or anything or try to let that thought even squirm its way into my head yes its going to be hard to b like i use to. happy and everything but its a must.. i need to change back none of this is right and its affecting more than just me.. myschoolwork. family. friends i dont know its going to tak emore than me to get through this though. so everyone. wish me the best of luck to get through this all. anyway. tomorrow is school again. back to stupid midterms :( well. not much more to say nick.babe i love you

I will have had this diary for one year tomorrow... Happy Aniversary Diary super lame..i know believe me. Its beena while...so ill recap a lil Sunday was kickass w/ nick and brandon Monday got a early dismissal from school and it didnd do anything..very amusing Tuesday it rained.yuck Wednesday i cant remember so it probably sucked Thursday had sum midterms.it sucked um yeah Today yeah had miderms they suck and um..nothing else thank god its the weekend idk my plans yet maybe a hockey game tomarrow night w/ mom and amber but i want to do something i guess ill wait and ee :/ things havent change i sit here and seem miserable and angry and..idk. i wish i wasnt i really cant htink of anything else Nick and i are great..love him School sucks as always I want to do something fun. Let's Party

Yeah> Went back to school yesterday (thursday) i guess it was all good..besides all the crap i gotta make up :( stupid teachers anyway :X Yeah what else...im not even sure besides i hav ea 3 day weekend and its goin to suck..i know it..i have to b w/ my family on saturday and sunday..im talkin about the hole aunt uncle thing...yeah...if you couldnt tell by now.. i can hang out w/ them to an extent then im just like "get me the hell out of here" yeah so i sound really mean...blah :( then theres monday.god. i feel like smashing someones face in..even though if i did actually punch someone it would prob hurt me more than them.. i know pathetic :X im not sure what else to say..i feel really crappy and peeved off.. blah...

Sup Yo 8) ..yeah i know the hole gangster thing isnt working lol yeah idk yesterday i went to my cousins babyshower. i won a bar os soap in one of those stupid games.its lame i know :X today i went to my grams house and celebrated muh other cousins birthday. it was cool. we had chinese food.. need i say more Tomorrow..=..NO EFFIN SCHOOL. damn straight I want to go to nicks house..god i hope so enough already i dont know whats up with em anymore..one moment i could b happy as a...idk a lottery winner and then suddenly ill become so depressed and angry where u just take hte knife to your throat or run it up an down your arm this is horrible indeed. its not like i like feeling like this or want to feel like this. who knows i guess i have alot to think about Are you scared to sing this song? Tonight we gotta dance. kthanksbye <3

Yeah. hi. thast right bitches no school. yeah my plans for the day use tob simple and fun..hangin out w/ nick and prob brandon at nicks place.. now my plans are plain and very upsetting. sitting here waiting for brandon to call nick then nick and brandon getting together both ready to go and then they will prob go to kmart or something then pick me up.. so i guess ill b waiting for another 4 hours. god im so doubtful and full of negatives...i know but seriously i cant help it.. for as many tims as plans have been cancelled or i have been let down its my natural instinct to say its not going to happen or say//think something very negative.idontthinkithelpstruthfully yeah anyway. at this moment i would rather b in school. i know i never thought i would actually think i would b writing that for anyone to see online in my life..oh well hopefully this shit gets straightened out and its acutally a good day idk what else to say.ill prob update in like an hour or somethin cause im bored and stuff we shall see fuckinlovebaby EDIT nick actually called about no more than 45 min later and i guess him and bran are headed to twanda and then pickin me up so it shouldnt b long now so i gotta go get ready :X <33333

yeah thats right im sick :( it really sucks. i missed yesterday and today when it comes to school so now i sit here bored..and feeling crappy :( it feels like i have strept throat..its really killing me and i can like barely eat practically...yeah im really not in the mood to tell you guys verything that has been going on but ill try i went to dads saturday-sunday had a good time then sunday came home early and nick came over for a bit like 5-8 pm :/ atleast i got to see him... Um its tuesday..im bored..and my babys in school without me..again..oh well yeah i think ill b back in school tomarrow.. hopefully cause i know i have been missing alot : and midterms are like next week..not good i wanted nick to come see me after school today he said he didnt know if he could so i guess ill c..im not getting my hopes up cause evrytime i do they just get demolished..even if i dont have them up.. yeah im gunna go lay down i guess Pce

Yeah. lets see. Yesterday was school. i hate tuesdays..we did get a 2 hr delay though. it was like sleeting and we had like an inch.. lame i know but i guess it was slippery.. i went to school..yeah it was a short day but it still seemed yet so long after school i came home and nick brandon and aaron came over and we all just hung out and everything. it was alot of fun. but then at like 5 i left w/ them and we picked up tehre mom from work and headed back to nicks house... after that we took brandon and aaron to brands house and nick took me to the viewing i had to go to and he decided not to go to indoor soccer and stay with me in the viewing and stuff...thank god he was there :'( you all should know i play volleyball...a girl who plays volleyball (excellent player) her dad died :( not of cancer or anything. in a car accident.. a tractor trailer hit a deer and then it hit there windshield sending everyone in the car to the hospital ((her mom dad herself and her brother)) her dad died..her mom has so many cuts on her face..she looks like she shouldnt be alive. same with this girl and her brother i feel so bad.. the hole volleyabll team went wearing our black hoodies for volleyball. it was horrible. i know it was good we went though. it was an open casket..which i dont favor..it absolutely kills me.. i went through the line of relatives then we got to her mom kristin ((my friend)) and her brother. i broke down crying. i went into the other room wehre nick was and just cried its so horrible i just thank god the others are ok :( today is 9 MONTHS for nick and i :) i love you idk what else to write.. idk why im so miserable I sit her and could just cry all night oh yeah by the way.. GO PENN STATE if you didnt know i grea up with ethan kilmer. he use to babysit me and i went to his brothers wedding last summer and stuff..hes awesome 8) anyway. i gues sim going to go. i need to seriously just need to get away leave it behind

its cold out indeed. i guess ill tell u whats been going on..i went to kamin keegans house last night. it was awesome we watched movies forever. then todayi came home.though i would see nick later today but things didnt work out tomorrows school..shoot me i cant believe this. i sit here in the cold my eyes bloodshot and glazed and my stomch nautious.. no im not high or anything i have been crying for the past like 3 hours ill tell you now and warn you this family sucks. we all have problems and i burst tonight i have been so miserable and tonight i couldnt handle it..then my mom totally flipped on my stepdad and everything...i think we are selling the house and i think there getting a divorce..idk.i dont even know what to do anymore i dont want to write about it this very moment im not sure..im just gunna fo gor now i figured .."what the hell" ill update or something.... Wake me up from this nightmare any moment now please....

Yeah, so its the last day of this years so i said hey what the hell ill write im not sure how to explain everything that is going on. when i dont even know most of the things causing my misery Tonight/soon ppl will arrive and we shall put on our smiles and eat.im so exctited.the food is the shit =) im talkin about crab legs, clams, desert...everything in between and more. its great Tomarrow is sunday i must go back to school tuesday..i want to be with nick tomarow but im not sure what the hell is going on cause i cant leave here until the "guests" are gone its total bullshit. im kicking them out at noon not a second later..heh yeah i wish. i just want to spend time with the love of my life..he who makes me happy.. Blah im not sure what else to tell you guys. but then again im just kinda..who knows what am i so afraid of? what causes this misery of mine whateever it is..its killing me

yeah. so its been over 2 months since i last wrote...not like you guys have noticed... downhill is what stuff has fallen too..rock bottom...yeah im not wha ti use to be.. im miserable these days..my rents are sending me to a phsycotrists =/ joy. i cant wait to cock an attitude with this guy.lmao i guess we will see how it goes. idk anymore im not sure..i guess illstart updating more.. someone out there let me know you care

heh..its been over a month since ive wrote..i gues i figure no one gives a shit..which probably you guys dont..but im bored iv been very busy between volleyball and school...volleyballl is wonderful i make the paper every week (( our weekly town paper )) and i get recognized for it all over..so its going great...i have a game today in ELKLAND which is like 2 hours away..so im leaving in about 1 hr to go to that Homecoming was...2 weekends ago..hmm idk but it was amazing =)nick and i are still going strong so i went w/ him of course, that night was a blast..best memz ;) lets see what else...really nothing i guess...idk mayb ill type back later x3

idk where to begin ill sum stuff up...doubles are over...2wks of hell...its monday..school is wednesday..everything is great between nick and i and idk i got my cell phone =) TOMARROWS MY FREAKIN BIRTHDAYYYYY =)

yeah so my title is a lil odd and lame..i know...you dont have to tell me..i had nothing to put..and somehow it popped in mind..._lame_ =X anyway doubles have been hell and iv been sore as hell yesterday nick came over after my practice and when he was done w/ his and we got in the hot tub n stuff and just hung out n crud then he had to go pick up aaron from practice and my rents were comeing home soon =O todayyy wasnt as bad as yesterday i mean im still a lil sore but my mouscles are warming up to this shit..besides almost everyday everyone passes out and everything its all good lol 6 more days of this shit and pre-season//doubles are over..thank god sooo tomarrow is the last day for this week of doubles..and man i have a feeling hes going to work our asses into the ground...raising our lap numbers and lowering the time goal =/ noo good... it sucks..we run in the morning and few hours later get on brake and when we come back we run the laps again trying to beat our time..if we dont...we add numerage to our sprints//suicides at the end..blahhh saturday my mom is taking me somehwere..its a surprise for my birthday which is in like a week sumtin still..but i guess saturday is the day...this better b good i tell you..it better soo wish me luck at double and i shall catch all you hotties later :) Ashleii Blaine x3

man oh man..tuesday hollyyy cruddd i canttt movee well i can im just really soar..or is it sore..hmm w/e i just hurt loL so practice was hell today we all almost died during suicides =X bah if anyone knows what they are...so practice is ruff but we can only hope it makes us stronger..it better god damn it Only like 8 more days left of this 8-12:30 practice thing then we get a brake for a few days then after school practice not much has gone on really besides being lazy Nick is busy w/ soccer practice going at 8-11am and 5-7pm everyday..tonight though if he doesnt go straight to sleep i might just have him up to go in the hot tub so we can both relax before tomarrows hell approach again... i guess ill stop my complaining bye hot stuff ;) hmm..im so weird School Starts-15 days My Freakin Birthday-14 days..woohoo damn right =) u better b gettin me sumtin .. yeah im talkin to you ;) lol Nicholas-iloveyou x3 soo much

wow...so its monday..ohh myy good.. we started doubles today from 8am-12:30 volleyball is not an easy sport our practices are harder than the girls soccer and the guys football lol its insane so much running..we puke blah..and up again oh so early tomarrow..oh wow only 9 more days of this ...oh boyy

blah..soo i went to the carnival everynight..last night being the last..i saw nick everynight but thursday..hes been busy and so have i... i dont really know what to type...well i actually have ideas but dont feel like typing them...today is sunday..its boreing..and stupid...i wanted to nick to come up today after his practice but idk where he is right now..so i highly doubt ill see him today..but i still have a lil hope just for the hell of it or something Tomarrow is monday...i stat volleyball practice from 8am-noon..there called doubles...im gunna die...reserve a spot in the hospital x3 blah idk So that is my plan for this hole week...volleyball everyday at that time and then idk whats goin on saturday...schoool starts the 31rst so i gotta go to the mall sometime...and i have to order my shoes from dvs..summer is coming to an end..sports are starting up..and hell is about to bite us in the ass ...life has never sounded so great.... -Rolls Eyes School Startssss-17 dayssss MY BIRTHDAY----16 daysss =) Ashleii Blainee

Wow so last time i wrote was...sunday so i guess i have alot to write Ummm Monday...i cant seem to remember i highly doubt i did anything lol Tuesday- aghhh woohoo first day of the wyaloo carni =) welll i guess nick asked me to come over that day and i guess amber was gunna go over for aaron but my mom was being gay and said i couldnt go over which i totally through a "fit" ((i sound so lame)) about cause shes a bitch and like no one understands it...blah ihate her Anyway i guess i wouldnt have been able to go over cause there mom had to work So that night amber got dropped off here and we went to the carni =) i had to work in a booth though the holle night w/ my stepdad n amber its like where you spin a wheel and put money down on the numbers..blah idk so nick was off w/ his friends and i got pissed at him and its a long long story so ill spare you...so i guess he wanted to stay there w/ me (i think just cuasei was mad) so i became unmad lol and he worked in the booth w/ me so it was amber me n nick ((the stepdad went for a brake)) it was fn i guess i hate nicks friends Blahh wednesday well amber ended up going over and there mom called my mom and mom said no so i called her and flipped on her and she gave in =) SOOO I WENT TO NICKKKSSS woohoo..we watched Dawn Of The Dead-never gets old..and then Dodgeball 8)lol um and mom ((there mom)) made a wicked dinner tacoosss oh yeah it was awesome...wonderful day and theres moreee lol then nick was in the parade for wilmont fire dep. so he had to wear his like white button up collared shirt adn everything he looked hot lol so aaron amber n i watched the parade then i had to find nick to give him a shirt to change into..so i waited for him where i was sitting then i walked to the carni and there was tonz of freakin ppl there..so i walked up to the bank and saw his mum and sat w/ her and i guess nick was looking all over for me and he would b back so we finally met up w/ eachother lol umm so we hung out the hole night and then ash n amb took me home =) blah i dont feel liek typing anymore but oh well i have to get this out so i dont have to tell u guys later lol Today-freakin thursday-boreing as heck nothing to do..blah..idk i dont think im goin to the carni tonight but i think nick is..oh well...then tomarrow i knwo im going cause its fireworks =)but that means my mom is going to..blahh and also my dad stepmom and lil sis will b there..grrr! so idk i just want to b w/ nick well idk im just watchin tv and stuff so catch all u cool cats laterrr 8) loL I love you x3