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I haven't done one of these things since like middle school. ..100 THINGS.... 1* First grade teacher's name: Mrs Mcknight 2* Last word you said: real word- that IM word- you 3* Last song you sang: Hail Mary 4* Last person you hugged: Amanda 5* Last thing you laughed at?: idk, something at Stark's house probably 6* Last time you said "I'm in love with you"?: Word for word? Never, who would say that. Something similar? Uhh not that long ago. 7* Last time you cried?: the other day. for no reason. yes, i'm losing it. *PRESENT* 9*What color socks are you wearing: I wish I could say Black and White. Because they usually are. But white. For now. 10* What's under your bed: boxes 11* What time did you wake up today: 10 12* Current taste: coke 13* Current hair: short, damn you Nelson! 15* Current annoyance: The way the Wings Game is getting called. 16* Current longing: To go somewhere cool. Not the mall. Like Europe or Cuba. 17* Current desktop background: my Great Wall picture. 18* Current worry: the future 19* Current Hate: lack of mobility 20* Current favorite outfit: khakies, black hoodie 21-Favorite CD- Eminem Show 22- Best frined in elementary school- eh, several 23- Favorite Russian Hockey player- Pavel Datsyuk 24- Luckey number- 12 and 13 25- Do you like it when they randomly leave questions off of surveys like this- no. 26*If you could play an instrument, what would it be: the paint brush, band is gay. 27* Favorite color(s): blue 28* Do you believe in an afterlife: heaven? sure 29* How tall are you: 5'11" 30* Current favorite word/saying: rather 31* Favorite book: uhh well Lord of the Rings, Dark Tower, the Pullman books, Monster, I could go on. 32* Favorite season: summer 33* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Shaina Roe. But only in the past. 34 What would you do if you woke up and found out you were on cocaine- Write about it. *FUTURE* 35* Where do you want to go for college?: Who knows? Who knows? 36* What is your career going to be like: What ever I find myself doing when its time to have a career. 37* How many kids do you want: Not sure if I want them. 38. Thing about the future that scares you most throughly: maybe the fall of American super power and the end of oil. *HAVE YOU EVER...* 39* Said "I love you" and meant it: yes 40* Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish: wtf? 41* Been to New York City? yes 42* Been to Florida: sadly 43* Been to California: uhh no 44* Been to Hawaii: no 45* Been to Mexico: not yet 46* Been to China: Yes. How many other people can say that? Ok well a sixth of the worlds people at least. 48* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: no 52* Do you have a crush on someone: uhh not a crush excatly? 53* What book are you reading now?: Invisible Man, Lolita (never gonna finish that) and the Gandhi book. 54* Worst feeling in the world: being betrayed 55* What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning: sleep... 56* How many rings before you answer: answering machine 57* Future daughter's name: idk 58* Future son's name: idk, not Alexander though. 59* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: never 60* If you could have any job you wanted: umm President of the United States, or writer, or maybe some kind of all expenses paid world travler. 61* Wish you were: in total control of myself. 62* Future College plans: you asked this. 63* Piercings? no 64* Do you do drugs: no 65* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use? uhh idk something blue 66* What are you most scared of? fear itself 67* What clothes do you sleep in? whatever is clean at bed time and i'm not wearing the next day 68* Who is the last person that called you: my dad 69* Where do you want to get married: i dont know 70* If you could change anything about yourself what would that be: my negativity some other stuff but that's all shallow 71* Who do you really hate: Bush 72* Are you timely or always late: on time 73* Do you have a job: writer. I don't get paid. Suprise. 74* Do you like being around people: usually 75* Best feeling in the world? writing something, a paragraph usually and knowing in your heart that it is as good as any writer has ever written. That's happened maybe twice. I imagine good writers walk around like that all the time. 76* Are you for world peace: yes, but usually it is really just world war covered up. 77* Are you a health freak: not excatly. 78* Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: no. 79* Do you want someone you don't have?: have? 80* Are you lonely right now? no. 81* Ever afraid you'll never get married? Nope. 82* Do you want to get married: This is like the third time you asked. If question number 83 were here what would it say? I don't know *IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...* 84* Cried: no 85* Bought Something: no 86* Gotten Sick: no 87* Sang: yes 88* Said I Love You: yes 89* Wanted To Tell Someone You Liked them: sure 90* Met Someone?: new? no. Well, maybe Joe Stark's mom. Not even kidding. 91* Moved On: no... 92* Talked To Someone: yes 93* Had A Serious Talk: not really 94* Missed Someone: no 95* Hugged Someone: yes 96* Yelled at Someone: not seriously 97* Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be with: no 98* Kissed someone: heh 99* Have u ever been heartbroken: ehh. idk if that's the word 100* Do you like the way things are with life right now?: sure.

Haven't updated in a while. Lot's of good stuff going on of course. But in a more reflective way I've got to be a little sad. It just seems like people are drifting apart some. I don't know why, except that that happens naturally. It's just so hard to be friends with everyone, especially when you don't see them or talk to them. And soon we'll all be drifting apart and aside from maybe a few very good friends I won't see or talk to anyone I know now. In some cases that isn't such a big deal, but there are some people I do want to hang on too. Already it seems like they're the ones who I'm losing. But enough reflection, I am very happy at the moment. I like Amanda very much and my friends as well. School is going pretty well. The last couple days I've been writing, and (I think) writing better then average.

I suppose the new year calls for some kind of review entry. This year was indeed quite the year. It seems hard to believe that all of the stuff has happened this year. I know most people talk about time flying, but I don't know about that. This year has seemed quite long in many ways. And I do think that my year was quite a bit... more interesting then the average one is. I honestly can't say I remember much of the early year. There was having a real girlfriend for the first time of course. There was school. There was Giles. There was Giles hating. I ended up not doing nearly as much writing as I wanted to. Still, I think I'm probably a good deal better then I was before. There were People to People meetings. There was spring which is always fun. Then there was summer. I said good-bye to Clara, the first friend to depart. I had yet another ex-patriot fourth of July. There was China of course. China was like a year in itself. I saw some really incredible things and had some indescribable experiences. If I could convey it, it would be pretty awesome but I can't. I'll just say that if you haven't experienced true sadness then you haven't really experienced love or hate or any aspect of real life. There was summer after China, reading The Grapes of Wrath outside in the sun. There was my ever growing love of hip hop, which was totally non-existent a year ago. There was varsity soccer. Then I got to start a few games. There was beating Albany, the highlight of the season. My first Varsity assist. The awesome teachers of this year. Physics! Drama of course. Sadness that I missed four shows in High School, but Drama has been life changing. Thanks to all of you for that. NYLC was fun. Speaking in front of 400 people, I'll never be nervous speaking in front of a class. Then just all my friends. You guys are great.

Today was pretty fun. Umm I'm too tired to write here. Sorry.

life gives you lemons? And oranges. But you can't make lemonade and orange juice? Just one. See what I mean? No, you don't. But it just seems of late that I'm having to do a lot of choosing. Do I do this, or do I do that. Do I go here, do I go there. Life is just diverging path ways I guess. The scary thing, the really scary thing is that 99 times out of 100 there's no going back.

I walked into a door today. Chin first somehow. And I fell asleep this afternoon instead of doing homework. And now I'm writing entries instead of doing home work. Fun. Well, speaking of home work all the teachers have seen fit to give us a huge amount of it. Except in physics where it's enough for Mr B to get in cat fights with Jen. Haha. But Nelson gave us an ass load of reading, and a stupid ELA test. I ignored the assignment and wrote the essay Pravada style. Some things are too fun not to do. Then Kaufman gives us a fairly big book which basically ends all my other reading, which was getting pretty good. And now I have an essay to fix.

Two quick observations. Maybe more then two, I'm making them up as I go. 1. Life is confusing. Things shouldn't be hard to figgure out. Or maybe they should, but the point is they are. 2. Fate's timing sucks. Seriously. A lot. Of late it seems like the right things are happening in the wrong order. Something good will happen and then be cancled out by something that might have been better had it come eariler. And then something different happens and my perspective has changed. 3. Christmas doesn't really seem like Christmas anymore. I don't know why. Maybe its just the lack of magic or the rampant consumerism. I don't know but I think next year i'll do something freaking awesome like refuse presents or something. 4. I need to read Hobbs. 5. Wings 6- Bolts 3. Yeah. That's right.

Today pretty much flew by. Last night we saw King Kong. Which was bad, cause it's a bad movie. It showed some potential and the acting wasn't half bad, but racism and worms are not good things to put in your movie. Ever. Unless it's like Roots or Attack of the Killer Worms, and even then you should think carefully first. Then this morning I woke up and talked to some people online, espically Clara which is always cool. Then it was p2p reunion party which was pretty good. Scatagories makes every party better. And Nick Zaza does too. If you don't know, Nick Zaza is this crazy kid who will say anything, is nastier then Dom, and walks like a robot. Mad goofy. But I have like a killer head ache, probably becasue people were taking non-stop pictures. Oh well, it was fun. Haha, certian people weren't there. I don't know if that's good or bad though. Now I'm tired and have a headache and am watching hockey. So it's all good.

Yet another three day weekend. Score! I woke up at the usual time, no news of a snow day yet. Checked it out, found there was a two hour delay. Went back to sleep, and was awakened by Tim running up the stairs yelling "Freedom!". I figured that meant snowday. So I proceded to do nothing of value for most of the rest of the day. Couldn't think of a single thing to write so I just typed up some old stories. Then I went to dig my grandmother out and came back again. Majorly boring, but better then school. Movies tonight. Should be entertaining. P2P reunion tomorrow. Should be great.

Low of like 4 today. Life is good generally with the exception of math which I am either failing or close to failing. Insanely fun hockey game last night. Wings lost though. Then everyone was online it seemed. Talking to some people is just too weird, you know? People to People reunion on saturday, I can't wait. Guess I'll joing Key Club tomorrow. I love you Giles. Haha. The Kaufman paper is tough. The Nelson speech is money. Math blows. Blows chunks.

So, a shift of theme on this wintry December afternoon. Let us travel across the continent to California, where, at midnight tonight, Stanley Williams will be put to death. First a short bit of history for those of us who don't know who Stanley Willams is. Well no, that's a lie. First a not so brief bit of history on myself and the human race. I've always been fascinated by Gangs. Not attracted to them, not impressed by them or anything. Just fascinated. I don't think there is a single more telling study in human psychology or sociology then the last four decades in South Central Los Angles. By studying just this brief period you can learn everything you ever need to know about human beings. Gangs. What are gangs? Criminal organizations. Ok, true. Criminal organizations bent on making money and controlling people. Also true. Organizations that seek to further their ends by any means necessary, at the expense of anyone and everyone. So Gangs are like nations. No, you're probably thinking, nations are totally different. Nations are designed to help people, to protect people. Yes, nations are established of, by, and for the people, but inherently they are no better then the people they represent. The Bloods and the Crips are as much nations as was Nazi Germany, and Nazi Germany was as much a Nation as the United States is. Nations seek only power. Every ounce of compassion and mercy they posses must come from the people they represent. If the people will not or cannot direct their country then it will run over and destroy everything in its way. Such is history. You can see all of this played out in just a single city. Where else can you look over the span of just half a century and see the human drama played out so well? No where. Gangs are nations on a small scale, an incredibly small scale. They have their own society and their own culture. They have their own wars and their own peaces. They have everything that all of human history has had, but it is presented to us, the observer, on a perfectly viewable frame of history. What I mean to say, most importantly, is that Gangs are totally artificial divisions. Before the '70s there was no Crip Gang and therefore no Crips. Yet people fight and die in a fanatical loyalty to this invented group. And when you think about it, all divisions are invented. Originally we all come from the same place, either some primordial stew or a single man and a single woman in the Garden of Eden. Why then should we have differences among us? They are invented, just like Gang allegiance. "I am a Philipino" or "I am a Cuban" or "I am a Cuban-Philipino-American" are all totally pointless differentials. We are all human. We all share a common background. Yet we insist on creating divisions amongst ourselves, and we insist on harping on those differences and exploiting those differences and creating hate. Race, ethnicity, religion, and class are all false allegiances. To a Indian observer there would be no difference between a Sunni and a Shiite. To an American there is no difference between a Hindu and a Muslim. To an alien there is no difference between any humans. All is a matter of perspective. This of course is all very far from the topic. Back to Stanley Willams, if anyone is still with me. Williams founded a gang in the late '60s and was later convicted of four murders. He was sentanced to the death penalty and sent to death row. On death row he repented his crimes (at least he says so) and dedicated his life to ending gang violence. One of his actions was to write a series of Children's books which spoke against violence. He was nominated for two Nobel Prizes. At midnight he will be excuted. First let us disregard weather or not Williams is truly reformed. "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind," said Gandhi. It is true. Vengeance is simply destructive, there is no way around that. Let us not obfuscate the issue with shades of gray. We are not debating when life starts or when it ends but rather, what its value is when it is concrete and present? Has it value or is it beyond value? Furthermore, what right do we have to punish even a murder with death when we live in a country that so actively promotes and has promoted war throughout the world. We are not without sin and thus we should not throw stones. We should not execute lest we should one day be executed for the crimes that we as a society will undoubtedly commit. We should judge ourselves from a distance, with the eyes that posterity will judge us with. We should look on ourselves and wonder how our children will see us. Dare we kill a man who promotes peace when we are surrounded by war? Such men are far too rare to destroy recklessly. The peace makers always die. Their deaths may be the act of lunatics or sanctioned by the state; the end will be the same. The lunatics are enough. To think that we as a people could be actively involved in this destruction of hope is horrible beyond words. The death penalty is so essentially human. It is pointless, senseless and vindictive. It ends nothing but life and creates nothing but fear. Is this something that we want to do?

Warning: If you are easily offended don't read this. If you think it in some way pertains to you, I don't really give a fuck, it probably doesn't any way. In fact it doesn't really pertain to any one person so much as it does to society in general. If you are society in general, you should be overthrown. No school on Friday. Thank god. Finished Keep the Aspidistra Flying. Did a lot of writing. Finally. Party at Jenny's. Some people are freaking awesome. Others are not. Oh well. Things change really quickly. Just days and your entire view on... everything changes. The more I see of life the more I think that its all just a joke, all just a fraud. I guess winter always turns me into a cynic though. But in any case it's times like this that make me just want to leave Amsterdam forever. It's amusing in a horrible sort of way: the way people use each other and create their own politics and victimize themselves so that they don't have to feel bad about anything. The last one's my favorite. Everyone does it. Everyone has it sooooo hard. How do they survive? How do they get by when the whole world is against them. Maybe the victims -the real victims- are the only really good people there are. I've started noticing them lately, all these people who have just gotten beaten up by life somehow or other. They all get spit on by the rest of us who turn and claim that we only did it because someone spit on us first. Well, fuck that excuse, it isn't true. But if it makes you feel better keep telling yourself that your life sucks, it may work. It hasn't worked for me, because I think I've figured out that my life doesn't suck. Neither does yours so get over it. If you're one of those victims then I apologize for myself, though I can't apologize for my fellow man. I guess we really truly just hate each other. I suppose I sound very depressed and despondent, but I'm not really. I've just had enough of this. Eleven years of this, isn't that enough? By the way, George Orwell if the freaking shit.

Better then school at least.

Perky. Yeah, that's me. No, not really. I was just proving that bad things happen when you search through the list of moods. So... today was intresting. No, not really, it was just there. No homework really and I get to go to Washington DC this week. Haha, you probably don't. You'll probably be in school. Unless an electrical fire causes the school to burn down. Which is shockingly possible. Anyway, if I did have a mood it would be oddly bemused. Today was fun and for some rather impossible reason I feel like I'll miss everyone. It's five days, come on, that isn't long. Ahh well. But yeah I thought I'd like escaping, but school of late has been most tolerable. Except math. Screw math. Updating journals is a total waste of time.

Obviously Mr Steele has not updated his diary in some time (nearly 6 months). The reason for this is his untimely passing. Please do not send flowers, monetary consolations may be sent instead. No just kidding, I didn't die. I just got bored with online journals. And no I don't have a myspace. Screw you peer pressure.

How many people are proud to be citizens of this beautiful country of ours? The stripes and the stars that men have died for to protect. The women and men who have broke their necks for the freedom of speech the united states government has sworn to uphold... or so we're told. Haha, I'm just playing America. You know we love you. So... I haven't written in a while. Mostly 'cause there was nothing important to write about. But this is my last day before China and so I'll write a final entry before then. Maybe after that I'll type up my real journal entries and post them here. Happy 4th of July everyone. For the second year running I won't be spending (all of) it in the United States. Oh well. Bye.

I love it. And with luck I'll get the Ipod, cause I don't think Jesus really cares that much.

Which is good because there are so many people I cannot freaking stand right now. Of course if your not one of those people then I'll miss you over the summer. But still...