What a beautiful week. I don't know why I always am so dissatisfied. I guess life is full of uncertainties and we just have to deal with it, and if we are philosophers we think about it a lot and agonize over it and become dissatisfied with our state of being. I have tried to be Hedonistic for a few weeks but it's not fun anymore. But I can't live a life of charity and morality either, so I feel kind of left out in the cold. Last night at the band concert, despite the fact that I apparently don't exist, and passed my nonexistence on to Alea (poor girl), the power in those Wind Ensemble songs was skyshattering. I have not felt that good in a long time, maybe the thrill I have been looking for. But it only lasted a few moments. There was just something about the fullness of the sound, and the fact that I was contributing to it, that may not have been perfect, but it certainly was beautiful, and I felt it in the dusty corners of my soul... Our bass clarinet soli was fantastic too, beautiful, I'm glad I could provide the beef. To see the look on her face was love. I woke up this morning and rolled around in my bed for a little while and then finally decided to get up to let the cat in, because she had been scrabbling at my door probably for hours. So she came and lay down with me for awhile and that was the spurt of energy and love I needed to get out of bed and face the day. This is why I will have a cat. Always. As we all know, dogs drive me up the wall like Gregor Samsa, but cats I understand. We understand each other. I probably have beri beri. I need some juice.

Beware the Ides of March. As Dee or Emma so kindly pointed out yesterday, the Ides of March was actually on the 13th because the calendar of Caesar's days was different, and the months only had 25 or 26 days or something. But whatever. The only person all day who guessed that I was wearing leaves on my head NOT because of St Patrick's Day but because "this is the day Julius Caesar died" was, ironically, Mr Liverio, football coach and weightlifter extraordinaire. I'll bet even the illustrious Amy wouldn't have known right off the bat. I kind of like him though. He's funny. I did not object, however, when Mrs Foote in her brilliance called me a "princesa de las hojas," princess of the leaves, and did not have time to object when Mista O asked if I was a wench.

Shakespeare is cool, and another food title. Haha. I must be fat or something, except I'm not. Salad is the only food I wrote in here that I don't really like... Only like macaroni salad and chicken salad and that sort of thing. Man, I'm getting hungry now... I had a cookie for lunch (thank you Michael) and it was wonderful. But I want more now. Time says you're not supposed to eat comfort food when you're stressed, and it will probably be something I will regret in my future once it's a habit, but I don't really care now. There's nothing here to eat right now anyways, so I'm in the clear. I even finished off my chocolate this weekend, and the other stuff makes me feel icky. Haha... I'm kind of upset because I was so excited that I finally have a job, and I was worrying about it and getting all ready... I was so impatient to start, and to make a difference in somebody's life, that I did a load of laundry AND a load of dishes... And then I started doing my Spanish homework, because if I stopped moving I would die, and Mutti was all, "Oh don't worry, they'll be here." I hate waiting almost more than anything in the world. Almost. But then I got a series of phone calls: "You're not teaching my son at school? OK, let me see if I can get someone to drive him to your house, because I got stuff to do. He'll be there by 5." Half an hour later: "I'm sorry, he can't come today, because my father-in-law doesn't know where you live. But he'll come tomorrow." Sigh... It's amazing how warm and fuzzy I feel inside talking to Mike on the phone... I should really be taking a nap right now though, because I have a headache and I'm actually really tired, and I could hardly think all day, or even talk coherently. But I love having curly hair. It makes me feel so cute!! Haha... I'll end on that happy note, even though I'm in a complaining mood right now and there is a lot I could find to complain about, but I need to stop doing that, and I didn't even realize it until my order fell apart, and now I feel kind of lost. I hate how much I depend on that. So much for ending on a positive note. Haha. :D

"i hate all this work! is it so wrong to just want to enjoy life?!" ... "i don't know about me - i always feel like i don't fit. i mean i think i do, in the grand scheme of things, but on that personal level i feel like im always fighting the current. but then when i think about it i don't know if i actual am or if its just my perception that i am, my fanciful imagination." "it's not really funny, but it is because i was just thinking about that yesterday... i think you're determined to be unhappy, sort of. you're an explorer. you fight the current by necessity because that's how you place yourself in life, but because that's your niche you're not REALLY fighting the current, but you are at the same time. know what i mean?" "yes. i do. kind of. like, my reason for existence is to challenge it. mike keeps telling me that he wants to be like me, like my attitude, and i keep telling him to not do it, that its not worth it. maybe its not even something that you can choose to do." "i think its more of a habit for you at this point, if you can help it at all." "but i keep telling him to not follow it. i don't know... everytime i set out to change i try to, but i can't! i'm just meant to be like this. i mean, i'm not completely unhappy, but i do view life as a tragedy, but thats not to say it isn't worth it - but then i sound like a masochist, like i enjoy disappointment." "nooo i understand! this is going back to something we talked about before, but there is paradise in anger and sorrow and disappointment, kind of a prod on our asses to get out there and stop taking this shit from life! ...in a way. as long as we're feeling, we're in the clear!" "paradise is emotion, or within emotion, to feel and be connected to others." "exactly!" "but paradise isn't a good thing, always... it can be. but paradise can be as gloomy as anything." "but its still beautiful." "paradise was preconcieved to be this notion of happiness." *** True joy only fills the ceverns made in your soul by true sorrow. "that you can't know or have true joy without knowing sorrow, like you can't know something until you know the opposite." "some people do say that, but its definitely a grey area. just like everything else." *** And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears. Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. Pain and foolishness lead to great bliss and complete knowledge, for Eternal Wisdom created nothing under the sun in vain. When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary. *** we may never come to any conclusions, but that isn't exactly our goal, is it? our paradise is the exploration, and once we uncover the true universal meaning of life, we must never know life again.

Yes, it is nearly as dirty as it sounds. But not quite. And anyways, we haven't filmed it yet. I just want to say, first and foremost, that if you want to watch a GOOD seventies movie, (ie, NOT The Candidate) watch Harold & Maude. You must be thinking I watch a lot of movies. Well, I do. I'm a regular junkie. It's cool though. Cat Stevens did the whole soundtrack. It's really inspiring, but not in the typical way. It's pretty tripped out - like Smash Brothers :p I want to be old like Maude someday. Haha. Basically: best movie quotes ever We were so inspired, we started "filming" our own movie, kind of a different idea though, based on some interesting conversations throughout the night. Basically, the air mattress is our main prop, and it's an action movie about a typical fifties family who deals in corpse transport, and there are climbing scenes and a chase on horseback. Haha. But we got really tired out from all that action-movieing, so we just flopped down and did shadow puppets and eighties dancing like in workout videos. We are wonderful. But I'm sore now. I hate waiting too. *sigh* PS, Maude: "Vice, Virtue. It's best not to be too moral. You cheat yourself out of too much life. Aim above morality. If you apply that to life, then you're bound to live life fully." Revel in your sins??? I'm starting to think there's more in that now... But how far am I willing to take it? I feel like my dreams and my vision is fading because I'm getting so disillusioned with so many things I used to rely on, and I hate it, but at the same time I love it, and I just get so confused all the time!! How do you know we're not confused? I thought my crisis was over, but I guess that's a kind of hubris. I guess crisis will never be over. Identity crisis, crisis of faith, relationship crisis, middle-age crisis... Sigh. Look how quickly the sun goes down. Mustn't fall too quickly now, darling. Oh there must be a guarantee When we're all walking ten feet tall Oh I know there's got to be A better way to fall...

I rediscovered this hilarious 80s-residue christian contemporary cd today. It's kind of awesome. Actually, I just love 80s music. And dancing. Thank you, Flashdance. :p I'm finally feeling more relaxed... Despite Mr Palczak's unfunny sense of humour which involves giving us a federalist paper to read which is about three hundred billion words that say almost nothing to read this weekend. But today I am NOT doing this... I made some chocolate cookies this morning and decided to put some coconut in it, but I dropped the lid of the jar on the floor and it broke. So I was kind of upset about that, because I always break stuff. But my dad was like, "I'm sorry that happened to someone as nice as you," and swept it up for me. I was like "I can do that if you want..." Haha. Last night Mike came over and we made fondue and burnt the chocolate, and played piano and watched Bon Voyage, this hilarious French movie... And it was fun. Haha. The snow is pretty. I'm going to go meet him now and take that devil dog for a walk.

I just remembered how weird it was to update this thing in India, because the automatic date-filler was always a day behind. How strange... *** *** *** Imagine walking down the stairs first thing in the morning and seeing this random plate on the dining room table with a kitchen knife and something dark red and sticky. I killed a pomegranate this morning. After which I went to school and left it to bleed until I came home, when it was even sweeter and stickier and more messy than it was before... Ironically, it was probably the best pomegranate I have ever eaten in my life, though its life blood is still stuck under my fingernails and was dripping all up my arms and my face and the seeds were flying everywhere. It tasted kind of winey too. Like Jesus? :x I still want sushi. Mmm... cravings... A lot of my entries are named after weird twists on fruit. Seriously: "pomegranate murder," "caramel kisses," "pineapple wipeout," "papaya pok pok," "tutti frutti holi moli," etc etc etc. What does that say about me?!?!?!?! ... Oh. I meant food. :x Haha. Better go before I become a Renfield...

yes. human divine. you are beautiful... i learned a cool triplet run today :) and my band gloves actually are coming in handy... how did i know, anyway? it kind of weirded me out that i can now predict these things, but it's cool at the same time. i keep wanting to break into shania twain, but i don't want to jinx anything... you're still the one i run to... davinci code today after school, then a freaking amazing soc paper, if i do say so myself. i don't care what anybody says, i enjoyed that movie. audrey tautou is so cute... youth group tonight though, and i still have four chapters of dracula to read by tomorrow... not to mention i won't be able to concentrate (hard to concentrate, haha) from worrying about silly things which i predict, but never understand. it will come. patience... hah. i am far too fidgety. breathe. just breathe. next i'll be wanting glass slippers. but i already do. i am a princess at heart :)

Dog is supposed to be man's best friend, right? My butt it is. This stupid dog, he may be gorgeous, but he's the biggest pain in my butt ever. You know, among all the other things. I freaking have to feed him after he rapes my friends and gives me an amazing headache with his freaking high-pitched barking, and the rice exploded everywhere, which we feed him so he will get fat and not die of anorexia, so I had to clean it up, and he likes to run away, and I have to be at his freaking beck and call and let him out in the middle of my piano song, so he won't poop on the rug again and I have to clean it up. This was all after the whole day of me craving chocolate, the one day there aren't any ROTC kids walking around with boxes... And DeLorme telling us we were actually supposed to hand in all those random assignments, do we need her to give us due dates? I work better with due dates. And she waits 'til the LAST week of the quarter so I end up blaming her for me having too much to do instead of myself for not doing it yet. Plus the LAWS flop yesterday, and I'm out of caramel kisses, and I'm exhausted. Caramel kisses - it makes me want a kid, a little kid who will eat caramel straight because I let him and then he will give me a sticky caramel kiss and say, "I love you, Mommy." Not yet. Besides, if I hate taking care of my dog, would I be able to handle a kid? Probably not... Though at least I would love it. Haha. Last night I showered and then read my book, like Mike said, and I got the crazy impulse to put in rag curlers, which added at least 15 minutes to my bedtime routine... And to my morning routine. It looked awesome though. Looks. Hasn't frizzled out yet. Such a good book too. But I have too much to read and too much to write and too many websites to go to and too many calls to make, and too much to care about, and I feel like I haven't seen Mike in ages, which is, of course, ridiculous, because I just saw him at school and we even hung out on Monday. Anyways, getting compliments on my hair was nice today. It really is my vanity. And I actually did get a lot done today, considering... And I even bought some Rolos after school - which is not quite as good as Hershey kisses, I soon realized, but slightly cheaper. Double points in Spanish though! We got to watch Havana Nights, so that was cool at least. In the classes with windows I mostly stared at the quartz fields, the ice-frosted blades of grass that look like a million diamond crystals sparkling in the sun. It's absolutely gorgeous, I may never have seen anything so coldly beautiful in my life, but it's also freaky - it reminds me of The Day After Tomorrow, which is a horrible movie but a pretty scary idea when you think about it. Plus the whole global warming thing is a major issue these days... Gov & Pol was supposed to be West Wing Wednesday, but we spent most of the time going over the stupid Congress tests nobody really wanted to talk about, except the politics freaks who don't have to put in effort in the class... I really do respect them for it, but I personally don't have the motivation to put in the same external effort and therefore I have a marked disadvantage. Sigh... In gym Gina and I were laughing about the foibles of men - G-Unit is my favorite. I really do love watching the boys play basketball. It's wildly amusing. And Frankie is so cute... Today he asked me if I wanted to play dodgeball... But I don't like dodgeball, so I had to say no. I should probably put in some more effort in the class, but if Mr Liverio doesn't care I think I won't. The big scandal today was that wack party this weekend, how like 60 people's names were in the paper - a good chunk of our class and of the football team... In Sociology we were all discussing it and Mr Iorio said the best thing would be to get some koolaid and some soda and set out some chessboards, and then get busted. No alcohol in sight. Rich just turned around and said, "Hey Clara, how about it?" That would be pretty amusing, I must say... I'm sure Brigid's grandma wouldn't mind calling us in... And we wouldn't have to work very hard at it. The only time there was ever alcohol in my house there was like a box of Labatt Blue and two 6-packs of wine coolers in the garage for like 3 months, because the neighbors went on a diet and gave them to us, and we took it out of politeness, but nobody in my family drinks. Except church wine on Sundays. But you know. Wow, I feel quite a bit better now. Just don't let me start listing my duties and I might stay OK... Either that, or I just kind of "forget" about everything I have to do, and just not do it. Might not be such a fantastic idea, because then I'd really have to do it all tomorrow... Here I go again! Sigh...

After the band dance, I came home, showered, and then watched Flashdance. Finally... But anyways, I couldn't sleep after that because I was thinking about dancing... I love it, so much... And just like Alex Owens, I haven't taken any classes. She wants to do ballet, which is a little different from me (although when I was five...), but still. I would probably get freaked out applying for a spot on a company if everyone else had gone to school for it for years and years. Good for her for finally going in! I keep sidetracking myself!! In any case, I was feeling kind of guilty for not noticing people at the dance. I went up to a few people who were just sitting around like why aren't you dancing? And they were all, "Oh, we've been out there..." And it's not like I should have noticed, I guess, but I felt bad for not noticing anyway, and kind of rude for approaching them about it. Emerging philosophical question: am I that self-absorbed when I'm dancing? So into my own thing that I barely notice the rest of the world? I don't like the idea of self-absorption - though I suppose if I'm asking this question now it's taking humility to a hubristic extreme. But for the sake of philosophy: I am a firm believer in the selflessness of art, as in the best art comes in moments of minimal self-awareness. Is my self-absorption while I'm dancing aware or unaware? Is it art or pride? I was thinking about that during the dance too, come to think of it... I thought the best kind of dancing is freestyling, yet the majority of the dance consisted of Heather and I and random other people coordinating someone else's moves, or some we'd developed and built up ourselves over time. So we requested a song especially for freestyling, and ended up doing yet another dance from a movie. I was in a minor panic. Stupid thing to freak out about, hey? If I had fun, though, does it really matter? The "funnest" - or most memorable, at least - parts were when everybody was on the floor goofing off. And Mike said he wished I could see myself dance, and that if he videotaped it it wouldn't come close to the real thing. I guess my main problem is that I worry too much, about everything. I don't want to approach other groups for fear of intimidating them or making them think I'm showing off (which I probably am, but whatever - I wish everyone would dance and not worry about what people think - I wish I would dance and not worry about what people think!) In my latest Madeleine L'Engle book, which I have not been able to read as much as I would like, the characters were talking about art in the sense of angels. Art, and someone's leading gift, they said, is about the struggle between the dark angel of destruction and the bright angel of creativity, and art comes when the bright angel prevails for a split second in time. The pianist then pointed out that the best pieces of music were written in times of darkness, when it would seem the dark angel was victorious. They also talk about the near impossibility of externalizing internal sounds, which can of course be applied to writing and painting as well. I wish I could externalize my internal images! If I could, I think I would be a wonderful painter. But I guess that's what art is all about. The ability to externalize. You could say all art derives from the same place in a person's soul and its external variety comes from the different specialties of externalization. Cool. The pianist also theorized that the dark angel and the bright angel are actually the same angel in "different guises." In this case, the bright angel of creativity would work out of the turmoil of the dark angel to produce paradise, and there we are, full circle. Isn't life funny? Incidentally, I made the world's fluffiest oatmeal muffins this morning. They are nearly impossible to eat, but they taste wonderful.

Haha the only reason I know that is because last night in the airport I was reading a German-English dictionary in the airport while we were waiting for Alisa´s plane to come in (if there are any weird typos its because the German keyboard is different and the only real thing I´ve figured out is the y-z switch). I learned that ab means from and Assen is dinner. So anyways, there´s wayyyy too much to write, but I´m just checking in mostly because I´m bored but also because today I´m supposed to take a train to Frankfurt and stay the week with Kira, and we have to find it online, but I don´t know anything about German-train-finding. So yeah. It´s really weird being here because I´m the only one who doesn´t speak German and even though it would be really easy for me to pick up, in all practicality whenever you pick up a language it´s tough cookies!! So I´m hoping to at least be able to follow a conversation by the end of my time here... After everything cool that we do. Should get on better in Italy :p It´s a lot easier with Alisa anyways because before she got here it was mostly just her grandma trying out her English on me (sweetest lady ever, though, I can´t deny it) and her brother sitting around giving me pitying smiles. Haha. Even though he´s really cute... He´s only fourteen though. Dangit. Haha. Just kidding. Ay, caramba, you guys seriously have no idea how hard it is typing on this keyboard. Someday I´ll write like on an English keyboard and and you´ll see the difference!!!

Dang, has it EVER been forever!! Haha. There's just time for like, the five-minute recap... So 1 April (one month ago) was Sadie Hawkins Dance (who's heard the AWESOME RK song?!) and I went with Samuel (you guys remember him, first quarter lab partner) and it was fabulous. He is fabulous. But also painful. My heart's been hurting a lot lately. You know The Rack? Yep. My heart was taken by the Evil Ninja Monkey King and it's now in The Rack. Basically. The next weekend was Quarter Break and my dad came. We spent the entire weekend sick reading DaVinci Code and I really enjoyed it. On Monday we went to Buzz and shopped, spent like a billion rup's and then got soaked on the way home. "So you think we can make it? There's taxis right here." "Oh yeah, no sweat we can make it!" Hah. I am SO cool. At least my dad fits into my shirts. Kinda sad actually. He's getting smaller. :x Weekend after that was Win Mumby. Like Homecoming, except basketball. And it was better than Homecoming, because basketball is better than American football. :x Oh no I did NOT just say that! Seriously, I have NEVER gotten into a sports game (besides swimming) like I did at Win Mumby. Seriously. My voice was gone by halftime. Oh yeah, and our cheerleaders are awesome. They have no beat, first of all, and then they wear black shirts and jeans as uniforms and Connor complains that he hopes they don't fall out of their clothes. Hah. Just because he's bitter and he WISHES he could call cheerleaders sluts. Because that's what happens in the movies. He's SO IRRITATING. ARgh. I just went through a month of weekends. The one that just got done was Mela - Rainbow Nation - so I wore my Ecuadorian dress, surprising everyone who thought I as a boring American had nothing to wear. Mwahaha, think again, dark angels!!! Alisa and I spent most of the day eating and walking around having people like Shoko squeal "OMIGOSH YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOO CUTE!!!" Yeeechhh. haha. At one point we walked ALL the way through school to get flowers to put in our hair and ran into the Koreans, and then just came back after picking flowers. Hah. Unfortunately there is no American national dance (I am NOT grinding) so after the Bhutanese and Hindustani and all that jazz we started unofficially linedancing and swinging and pretending like we could salsa. It was great. Then we went up in the top balcony and screamed at the auctioneer... that was reallly fun. We watched Crazy Beautiful for Pod night and I fell asleep (when's the last time I fell asleep during a movie?!?!) and woke up at 4am then went in my bed... And woke up at 11 steaming in our room because the window was shut. After lunch we went swimming and it was beautiful, if FREEZING (because they roofed it so nobody could use it as a bathroom anymore) and then sunned the rest of the afternoon. No atmosphere, I am most definitely gonna get skin cancer. Oops. I am now slightly uncomfortable due to sunburn, but whatever. It's not actually that bad. Skipped church for that :x Then we went to this SAGE dinner thing at Seto's and that was really fun too... I am a GLOBAL AMBASSADOR!!! Isn't that neat?!?! I can get paid to do presentations about my experience, which I was gonna do anyways, and even get GAS MONEY to do it in other TOWNS!!! Oh baby I am excited!!!! AP's and IGCSE's start this week and I haven't studied. Seriously, I have never actually been in danger of doing badly on a test before, and now when it goes on my college transcript I am seriously in danger of failing - the US History exam. I hate the textbook, it's so dense we only had time to do like a third of it, and my teacher has had typhoid for the past month. Poor Miss Humm. And now I gotta go to math. Mr Anderson, here I come. (Love him...)

A belated Holi to all of you! Holi is a Hindu celebration of fertility and summer (though by no means is it summer yet – it was supposed to snow yesterday, and running around barefoot, bare-armed, and soaking wet was really interesting…). It’s just about the only holiday we get to celebrate here outside our own religion, which is not surprising because I can see riots and strikes breaking out if we didn’t get to play… The people of cities and towns and villages nation-wide spend this exciting holiday throwing colored powder and water at each other, at random passersby, smearing it into their victims’ hair and skin and clothes… We didn’t get the day off because the residents get all riled up about the holiday and it’s a liability issue and all that jazz, but we got to play with the other kids at Hansen Field instead. In morning assembly Raghav, Arushi, and Rahul acted out the story for us, in all their Indian dress. It was hard to understand, but Rahul was Raghav’s father, got jealous of him, tried to have Arushi kill him… So Arushi set Raghav on fire, he called out to Krishna to save him, and Arushi and Rahul burned to death. Something along those lines… Anyways, we ran down to dorms after school and changed quickly into our new white (see-through) Woodstock T-shirts. Katie and I were convinced it would become a wet T-shirt contest, because apparently usually they only play with water… But we got down there and the first red and pink and yellow powders made our clothes look like fire. Prateek abruptly ruined that image by drenching us all with blue-green water, dousing the fire with a muddy forest all down our shirts. By the end my jeans (the only ordinary pair I had left) were frozen to my thighs, I wore a pink masquerade face and sported yellow-pink-red-purple-green hair, and I couldn’t move my fingers out of cold. I don’t have to tell you anything else, but I’m sure at least Kat and Alice will guess, and probably Ashley… :p Carly left her mark on the white wall outside Midlands while we used up all the battery power on Katie’s camera. When we couldn’t take the cold anymore, we tracked colored mud all through the dorms to take lukewarm showers before dinner. The water swirled down the drain in purple-black rivulets and overflowed into the corridor, each shower leaking its own color: the first green, second pink, fourth orange, fifth black, sixth yellow-brown… Slowly we trickled into the dining hall, tinted different colors and laughing from the high. Katie and Nicole’s faces were blotchy green, and Katie still has pink hair this morning; I have a green neck, pink face, green and red hair, mottled green and pink hands and arms… Elias looked like the green goblin. The little skin-lines on my knuckles and around my fingernails are little rivers of pinky-red stain. Even my underwear is tie-dyed pink and blue and orange :x You know what that means… And then, to make it all better, today is Career Day for the juniors with the distinguished alumni. We have to look like respectable young adults in our “business formal wear” failing to conceal our guilty painted hides…

Well, a lot of stuff has happened lately; beginning of semester is kinda over and we're getting into the swing of a freaking exciting lifestyle. Hah. I finally found a good church last weekend; (un)fortunately that's not all I found, but the other thing is not necessary to say here because it could cause some problems... But whatever. It rained last Sunday too, and that was amazingly cool. I haven't heard good rain in the morning in SO long... Anyways, last night was - no, you didn't guess it - Interactive Grease Night. You know what that means: my friends and I go all out dressing up and running through dorms asking for black flats for hours in advance; and then we go way too early and run around the boys' dorms for 15 minutes getting pumped for the movie; we sit down in the front row and sing really really loud, itching to dance, and finally in the last song Bani gets up and pulls me and Joey up cuz we're always ready and willing, and we dance swing and get prizes for "attempting to jive" and for singing loudest, and almost got best costumes, too, but insisted that somebody else get it. Tsering looked soooooo cute in her dress... I love the fifties. So anyways, Joey and me got Mr Monty to play our song one more time, and got into dorms fifteen minutes late, which would normally mean gating, but since we had so much fun we got Mr Monty to give us a note, and we got out of it. And then... We threw a party. With our non-alcoholic champagne and our pizza-flavoured Pringles, and the rest of my fun-sized Snickers, and Trail Mix. Mmmmm... And the Grease sdtrk, of course, even though now Joey's vowed not to listen to it again for 2 months... It was great. And we looked soooo hott... :x That whole day was kinda weird, actually... Joey straightened my hair and it was soooo long!! It was supposed to be prep day, but Mhabeni said I turned out looking boho. Haha, as usual... And Joey also sang in Assembly, crazy crazy good, man. This is where the fun in our room starts. At lunch I suggested bunking History, because we'd have Geddes and it wouldn't be any fun, yet we wouldn't get anything done either. But the other kids were like "No, we should just see, maybe it won't be so bad..." But Geddes is the ultimate fun-sucker. So it was. And then in RE Katie and me got so bored watching the awful movie that we braided our hair together, and walked around like that until after tea. It's become our Friday tradition to find a new and exciting way to hook ourselves together. Last week we tied our feet together and hobble-jogged to Cozy before class night, which was also incredibly fun... And next week we're belting our belts together and walking around joined at the hip. I think we were meant to be Siamese twins or something... :x Hehehehe... Well anyways, today there's a book fair, and Lucinda is OB. He was all trying to scare me yesterday with how all he does when he's OB is walk around the hillside in the middle of the night, and how sometimes tourists chop people up who do that... But I didn't get scared until it was too late. No, he didn't get chopped up yet, or I didn't find out about it... But I didn't express concern. I suppose that was his goal, though, so maybe it's better for me to be like pssshhh... Haha. My train of thought is sooo screwed up...

[1] I have eaten more than 5 meals a day. [2] I have read a lot of books. [3] I have been on some sort of varsity team. [] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping. [4] I have been to Canada. [5] I have watched cartoons for hours. [6] I have tripped UP the stairs. [7] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs. [] I have been snowboarding/skiing. [8] I have played ping pong. [9] I swam in the ocean. [] I have been on a whale watch. [10] I have seen fireworks. [11] I have seen a shooting star. []I have seen a meteor shower. [] I have almost drowned. [12] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear. [13] I have listened to one song over & over & over again. [] I have had stitches. [14] I have been on the honor roll. []I have had frostbite. [] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there [14] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects. [] I currently have a job. [15] I have been ice skating. [16] I have been rollerblading. [17] I have fallen flat on my face. [18] I have tripped over my own two feet. [] I have been in a fist fight. [] have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight. [19] I have watched the power rangers. [] I do attend Church regularly.but not for service [20] I have played truth or dare. [21] I have already had my 16th birthday. [] I have already had my 17th birthday. [22] I've lost weight since one year ago. [23] I've called someone stupid. And meant it. [24] I've been in a verbal argument. [25] I've cried in school. [] I've played basketball on a team. [] I've played baseball on a team. [] I've played football on a team. [] I've played soccer on a team. [] I've done dance on a team. [] I've played softball on a team. [] I've played volleyball on a team. [] I've played tennis on a team. [] I' ve been on a track team. [26] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life. [] I've bungee jumped. [27] I've climbed a rock wall. [28] I've lost more than $20. [29] I've called myself an idiot. [30] I've called someone else an idiot. [31] I've cried myself to sleep. [32] I've had (or have) pets. [] I've owned a Spice Girls cd. [] I've owned a Britney Spears cd. [33] I've owned an *NSYNC cd. [34] I've owned a Backstreet Boys cd. [35] I've mooned someone. [] I've sworn at someone in authority. [36] I've been in the newspaper. [37] I've been on TV. [] I've been to Hawaii. [] I've eaten sushi. [38] I've been on the other side of a waterfall. [] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies. [39] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies. [] I've watched all of the Rocky movies. [40] I've watched the 3 stooges. [41] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica. [42] I've watched Looney Tunes. [] I've been stuffed into a locker. [43] I've been called a geek. [] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade. [44] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it. [] I've hugged my mom with the past 24 hrs. [] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours. [] I've met a celebrity/music artist. [45] I've written poetry. [46] I’ve been attracted to someone much older than me.

A five-thirty wakeup this morning, and we woke the Criders up for FMBS, and had great French toast, and ran up the ramp and I think my calves almost split into pieces, shattered all over the stone, so the poor polite sweeper guys would have another mess to clean up... :_( Mr Anderson gave Katie and me a dry erase marker and told us to hold down the fort in the classroom, and if anyone came to tell them to go to the MC comp lab... So of course we drew a masterpiece and wrote lots of things like "It's Mister Anderson!" and "E = mc computer lab" and silly things like that... I crashed full-on into Mang Boi and serenaded Cheeky in Crider's class, stumbling down the hall like a high drunkard... So by the time we got up to the class we were bouncing off the walls. I accused Amit of trying to kill me and he got all confused and defensive, and then we got to play with internet pendulums and they were all hypnotic and I figured out how to make them look like they were on drugs. Hahahahahahahaha... And then we had to go back and Katie was making snowflakes on her calculator, and we were playing BlackJack and bugging Elias and making Nithin laugh and squealing "I love Mazyooooolll!!!!" And Mr Dixit was sitting there in his office giving us the death eye through his huge glasses and it was reallllly creepy. Because Cheeky really had to use the bathroom, we were running down the hall when I slipped on the slippery floor and my foot twisted underneath me and we both ended up sprawled out in the middle of the walkway, and Daniel and a couple other guys walked past pretending not to see us, and we were like "HAHAHAHAH WOOOOOOO..." In the library I got in trouble for bumping into Nithin and then chasing him, and Mrs Arthur was like "Excuse me, this is not a play area! I can't believe I have to remind you!" So all quiet and meek I went and sat over in a squishy chair for about two seconds, and then caught a glance from SugHoon that sent me spiraling back to the computer area, because of course I don't have the patience to sit still in one place for more than like, 3 seconds. Maybe 10, if we're speaking in literal terms. So anyways, besides my insane feverish energy level, I should be sitting here quietly not disturbing anyone and doing my research on Shakespeare... YES, THAT'S RIGHT, I'M IN A SHAKESPEARE CLASS BABY!!!! I decided I'm like that girl in "Ten Things I Hate About You" (I've been quoting that movie nonstop since first day back to dorms, when me n Katie watched it) I wonder what interesting things I'll find to do this weekend, hopefully avoiding Buzz, although Mhabeni has offered to treat us to manicures, so I may be forced into going... :p But the guys are gated for the rest of semester, so I dunno what else there'd be to do... Hahaha I am SO clever and SO hilarious and SO obnoxious and I should probably do something productive before I become locked in mortal combat with one of the librarians or something... Oh, and my search for the point to my pathetic existence has been called off for about a month. Or at least that's my rough estimate of how long it'll be before I start feeling pointless again... XD

OK, so I'm wearing orange today... DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING, I HATE YOU!!!! Haha. Just kidding. I couldn't do that... So anyways, if you guys ever get the chance look up Woodstock kidds on MySpace... It's really interesting... Actually kinda scary sometimes... Life is cool, I finished my last exam this morning, US History. It was... OK... And now they're over and we have history class but everyone else is seniors so they don't have to be here, so it's just B, Nicole, and me, and we're just chillin in the library. Mwahahaha. Jae Young gave me a Korean CD and he SO figured out about Samuel... And now "Lazeo..." Soon he'll figure out that I just like all of them. In general. And a bunch of others. Squeezed In the middle Smack dab In the middle... Heh heh heh... Sunday Monica's gonna dress up like Cindy Lou Who and I'm gonna dress up in things I'm normally not allowed to wear in this country and we're gonna lie out in the b-ball court studying nothing, actually just dancing to the iPod... Haha. Loverly. Mine's tweakin out lately, the Menu button is having PMS and mood swings and stuff like that... Monica's in a really good mood this semester... And I can actually hug her and walk around arm in arm with her and play around and tease her and she won't bite my head off... It's kinda cool. She's a fun girl. AND... *drum roll* TODAY IS CONNOR'S BIRTHDAY!!!! We're all like "Lalalala happy birthday Connor!!!" (he just came in and sat down) and he's like, in that I'm-oh-so-thrilled-to-see-you voice, "Thank you. Now I can get drafted." Ha. Ha. Ha. Cynicism suits you, my friend.

So, it's mock week. In other words, all the finals for AP and IGCSE classes, in the format of the all-important international tests that stick out like a sore thumb on a transcript. Everybody's pretty much freaking out, and those of us with senior or sophomore classes have a lot of free time; seniors and sophomores don't have to come to school unless they have an exam, or if they want lunch. Today is also Valentine's Day, and top o' the mornin' to yeh. I mean Happy V-Day to you, my friend. Spread the love. Apparently V-Day is a big thing here; a couple of my friends have got presents or cards from admirers, and there are all these cheesy emails going around; mystery and flowers and secret plots and glances are all over the place, and chocolate, and our whole group is dressed up with some kind of pink or red, lots of hot pink and black, and lookin' gorgey. I've promised to serenade Lexie whenever I see her with Christina Aguilera's Come On Over and Cheeky and Alisa and I have about six songs already for today. And like I said, my taste has changed. I'm starting to explore my roots of the '90s, and all Mariah Carey's and Shania Twain's and Celine Dion's older stuff; some classic rock, of course, and the soft rock of Lifehouse-type bands, as well as movie soundtracks galore, and lots of Train and Mraz and Maroon 5 -esque stuff. And Shakira, and Black-Eyed Peas. Haha. These are exciiiiiting times... (And that was Across the Sky). I'm being caught up in a personal whirlwind of creative initiative; sparking Cassinath and taking the new Shakespeare class despite all the extra work; speaking up in English (we're doing Dickinson and Whitman now - cool beans) and working my poetry and creative impulses into History and Chemistry, I guess... Though the more science-y classes tend to have notebook pages a quarter full of notes and 75% doodles and song lyrics. So yeah. Still not my strong point. (My chem exam was yesterday, and I know I passed... But the short answer part... TOTALLY blew it.) And swapping works with old friends and new friends, and being outgoing and making new friends, hanging out with the boys' dorm parent. Haha. She's the bestest, like my India mom. And Siona, the girl who just came back from Australia and is now camped out up the hall from me, is sooo awesome and fun, and I think she and I started a tradition of running and slipping through the two round holes in the school gate on Friday afternoons. As always, it's the small things. So basically, I'm floating today, and in general. Still can't get over Mhabeni's chicken pox. Haha. She's freaking out on her cell in Health Centre like, "Mommmmm, I look like *sniff* the Phantom of the Opera!! *gasp*" Haha. Gotta love her. They won't let us see her cuz we might breathe in her germs and become carriers, even though we've already had it, but we write her three or four notes a day and send her stuff, and give her valentines signed by her favorite boys in school... Oh, looks like I gotta go maybe, so I'll catch you later. Love love, XOXOXOXO

haha last night I had a dream that, among other things, I went into a cafe really late at night with my cousin Andrew and two of my friends, and it was on the beach/riverfront and out the window we saw a huge, fat, pale pink pig in a yellow sweater fall out of a tree and sink into the water. He was saved once by a purple magic carpet, which dropped him too far from shore, so had to be saved a second time by a gold one resurrected out of the dust. That one granted him a wish and as they pushed to the sunny surface (me watching from the seafloor) I woke up to Mhabeni, sure she had some kind of mortal disease, so she wouldn't be able to walk up to Buzz with me to meet our roommates who both had academic probation. It was a weird, WEIRD dream. Tonight there's a dance. I am soooo psyched. My friends will kill me if I don't go to Buzz now, so I'd better go. Catch you guys later :D

Yeah so, as bad as that song is, I think I've accidentally grown to like it. Kinda like BSB and James Blunt, and a bunch of other stuff. Like Eminem, and Gasolina... OK so first of all, my two-person room is freaking SWEET!!! I have about a billion pictures and lots of nice places to store stuff... So Alisa and Nicole have Christmas lights, so what??! We will SO kick their butts at Open House. Which is in May, but still... Secondly, it's cool to be back in dorms. I slept in half the time I was gonna take to get ready this morning and still managed... That was cool, no tenth graders reserving showers or anything. Mwahaha. The other night I had the room to myself for the first and probably last time in 10 months. Hehehe. Katie and me stayed up 'til like 1:30 watching Meet Joe Black and 10 Things I Hate About You and complaining about how good the food looks, and how hott Heathy baby is... Ahem. Speaking of which, Ed got a haircut. No comment. Somebody else grew out his hair and looks... really, really, really good... Who woulda thought?!?!?!? Dannggg... I am feeling really bored and pissy in that one aspect of life, and trying to escape again... Why do I suck so bad?!?!? It's so hard here too... OK changing the subject. I have to deal with myself, not plague you guys with it. As usual. Anyways, I now have RE and an extra SH three days in the week; Kira is in my Advisor Group and I might take the Shakespeare class with Mhabeni, as well as helping edit the student works magazine for Ms Thirtyacre with Ella... Not to mention Cassinath. Even though Miss Gareis is like, sick or something, and won't be here, I'm still TOTALLY giving Mrs Hugg my Winter Tour documentary and like... Maybe sending something into Cicada, if she can help me fine-tune something, or something like that... I'm feeling really ambitious as far as writing goes and I'm totally excited... And even though I REALLY wanna take my dad up on his idea to wait a year before going to college, I'm still checking out some places... Ooops, gotta go to math...