Last night sucked. I'm fed up with it all. I want to get in my bed and sleep for the next five years.. And I don't know why.. but I was thinking to myself this morning, (when I was driving,) if I crashed, and was dying in the street, would I care? A very morbid thought I know, but I had it nonetheless. And I could really not see a reason that I would want to hold on and live.. I just felt like I was done here.. I dunno.. I knew that I would really really really really miss my friends and family.. but they could live without me.. Although, I don't know if there is anything out there for me.. I've been pretty happy.. but is my life supposed to continue like this? I don't think I can do it much longer.. :-( Two specific people came to my mind after I was thinking about my friends for a while. I thought that it would probably be better if I was out of one of their lives, so they could move on and be happy... Yet, the other, I just wonder about.. wonder about what is to come... if anything... And I know that I'd want to live for that person.. even for a day... ahhh well such is life; unfair, cruel, painful, yet beautiful and amazing all at once. Well I've seen your flag on the marble arch and love is not a victory march it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah -jeff buckley