What I'm Listening To: "Dreams" by TV On The Radio Well, today is another day...not sure if that's good or bad. So far it's kind of sucked & I've been up for about, oh 20 minutes or so. lol. My grandma is tearing the house apart, I don't know what the hell she's doing nor do I care, well I do care a little because I'm gonna be the one cleaning it up. Oh I just love when she gets on these kicks! And I was in the kitchen making some toast & she comes in & is like, "HEY!" I mean she screams it right in my ear. Ok, how about we not do that. Grr she drives me nuts. Moving on, the plan for today is to study quite a bit...fun & then who knows what from there. I'm thinking about calling Josh. I haven't talked to him in awhile, since the whole thing went down w/me & Catherine & I miss him. I mean, I don't like him "like that" or anything, he's a cool guy. I don't know, I'm about 99.9% sure he's pissed at me about the whole thing because him & Catherine are...well I don't know what the fuck they are lol, one minute they're together & the next they're not, then they're just "dating" then it's back to whatever. I don't know. Normally he'd call or show up here at random but I haven't heard from him since Catherine & I stopped talking so I'm sure she's told him god knows what about me & therefore, he doesn't want anything to do with me. (wow such a run-on sentence) If that's the way he feels, then fine. I can't change that. I don't know, I really don't want to discuss it with him but I'm thinking maybe I should tell him my side of the story because right now, he only knows Catherine's. According to her, I stabbed her in the back because I was talking shit about her. Yes, I did say things behind her back but anything that I said I'd be more than happy to say it to her face. In fact, I did. I also ditched her for some guy that I knew for about 2 weeks, he was such an ass to her & blah blah blah but I'm too stupid to see that. I don't have a mind of my own, I let other people control me. Let's see, I'm a whore. Oh there's more I'm sure but this is what she told me. lol. I didn't ditch her for some guy, I was tired of her shit anyway & the incident w/Allan was the final straw. I wasn't around for all of it so I don't know what he said or she said. I just saw how him & I were both treated when she was around. She'd hardly talk to us & when she did she'd be a bitch. She was so jealous she couldn't stand it. Yet she doesn't like this guy...uh huh. I don't know, I don't think she did like him but I think she just didn't want ME with him. The attention wouldn't be on her. Plus, seems like anytime I would talk to a guy or date them she'd be mad at me. lol. Whatever, it doesn't matter anymore. It's stupid junior-high drama & I won't do it. We're supposed to be grown here or close to it, not acting like a bunch of 10 year olds. Anyway, so like I said, I don't know what Josh has been told so that made me a little scared to call him, which is why I didn't do it sooner. I don't care anymore. It's all in the past. I don't hate Catherine, I hope she has a good life & she's happy. Honestly. A lot of people say that just because they feel like they have to or something but I'm being serious. I don't have any hard feelings. That doesn't mean I want to be friends with her, because I don't. There's entirely too much drama involved in being associated with her. I won't do it. I have enough bullshit in my life. I so believe in Karma. Today mom locked her keys in the truck & the windows are up, well I think one is cracked but anyway, she couldn't drive her truck to work. Someone had to come & get her. My grandma wants me to help her get out there & see if we can get the keys out but I'm not doing it. Or you know what? Maybe I should...it would be a nice thing. I don't know, my intentions would be wrong though since I'm still mad & honestly, I don't give a fuck if her keys are locked in that piece of shit truck of hers. I think that happened because of the way she acted towards me the other night & she still hasn't apologized. I don't think she will either because that's how she is, I have to say I'm sorry. Fuck that. I won't do it. I didn't do anything wrong so why should I apologize for her being a bitch? Nope nope nope. I will not do it anymore. I figure she'll come home tonight & if I'm here (which I probably will be) she'll be all nice, wanting to be my best friend. I don't think so. I'm really upset. But anyway, it's probably wrong I say this & something will happen to me now but when grandma told me about mom's keys I started laughing. Oh that crazy karma.... Well I managed to ramble enough for today, sorry for the excessive amount of bitchiness lately. Things just aren't that great right now. It'll get better. I talked to a friend last night a little bit, I didn't tell him everything but I told him part of what was going on & turns out we're kinda having some similar problems. It's nice to know you're not alone in it. Plus you know, I wasn't sure where we stood like...I don't know, he's cool & all but I didn't think I could talk to him about serious stuff, that we were close enough for that. He told me that anytime I needed to talk, no matter how stupid I thought it was to talk to him. That made me feel really good, I'm glad SOMEBODY cares. Haha. Alright, I'm out. *Brandi* (PS) Sorry for the lack of creativeness in my titles but I'm just blank right now...