Dancing naked in the snow is beautiful. Feeling numb/feeling nothing. My blood staining the white with red. Tainting the innocence I have never felt. I cut my hair today. I was sick of looking and feeling the same way. Sick of feeling unoriginal. So I took out those rusty scissors and started hacking away. When I couldn't cut anymore and I ran out of breath, I looked up at my reflection and realized that I would never make any difference. It was all wasted time. I dropped my scissors to the floor and sobbed into the mirror. Hating what I've become. Hating the fact that I care so much. When did I evolve into this? Why wasn't I informed? I feel like I'm alone. It feels like I all ever do is write. It is good but cannot replace human interaction. I've been vomiting for the past hour. No one knows or cares. I do. It feels good. It's scary how good it feels. To release this disgusting pressure. This tatse of bile. The knots in my stomach, so tightly wound, beginning to release. I think I have a tapeworm. If I do, I shall call her Mary Jane. Maybe she will understand me. Probably not. If I did have a tapeworm, I would kill her in an instant. I can't stand the thought of anything growing inside me. The thought of ruining a life. I will choose not to create one. I feel like I can't talk to anyone anymore. Humans cannot understand me. I like talking to them and hearing their opinions but I feel no real connection. I feel empty. And I can't seem to get full. My emotions seem too complex for my friends to grasp. I am driving them away and I can't stop myself. I don't want to, but I feel like they can't comprehend me. I am all alone. I'm not sure if I like it or not. I miss them. I think I have to attend school tomorrow. I may be too sick to go. But I miss it. I miss watching people and feeling like I belong. Sitting at home alone is starting to get to me. It's cold. I feel like I'm a solid block of ice. At least I can still feel. I'm shaking. It's captivating; watching my fingers dance. My arms sway like the branches of my apple trees. It's beautiful. In a sad way. My breathing is becoming forced. My pulse is quickening. My eyes are cloudy. I think I may be dying. Am I even alive anyway?