At home alone it's easy to pretend I'm 5 years old again. Pretend that nothing ever happened to me. Nothing went wrong. Being sick is no fun. Well, I can't tell lies, it is fun. But I can tell lies. That's what scares me. I stayed in bed all day and read long books and tried not to vomit anymore; even though it felt good. I layed there and stared at the ceiling for hours. The stars on my walls looked like they were moving but I knew they were not and that dissapointed me. If those walls could talk. I watched Bambi today. That is by far my favorite Disney movie. The innocence of it all. It amazes me. The way people thought in those days. The way the artists used to draw. The way the story it so well portrayed; so real. It's so well thought out; attention to every detail. But the thing that captivates me most is the sheer innocence. The deer and the forest. The beauty of nature. How it's so untainted. So pure. It makes me cry every time I watch it. Clear soda feels strange pooling in my stomach. I hate the way it slides down so easily when I want so badly for it to find someway back up. I hate it. But mother says it's good for upset tummies. Just like saltine crackers. But I must say they are more pleasing to my knotted stomach and aching throat than the ugly, bubbling clear liquid. I weigh 110 today. One of the perks of being sick is losing the extra winter pudge. It's exciting to know that under my shirt is a beautifly flat stomach. Not that it matters much, but I like the feel of it under my fingertips. The cool skin just going on forever, or at least to the waist of my jeans. I like it. I must return to school tomorrow. I cringe at the thought but exams start Friday. I don't want to fail. And, as I have said before, I miss people. I miss human interaction. I miss that sense of community and I miss my small group of friends. Wow. That's weird to say. Friends. I guess I have a few now. Not that I didn't have any before, it's just that they all go to other schools or are too freaked out by me now to engage in any form of conversation. I don't understand the people in the latter catagory. I'm not that freaky, am I? Perhaps my lack of normal thoughts drives them away. Oh well. My new friends are just as good if not better. I love you guys. Do you hurt? Do you hurt? Is this as bad as you thought?