I sat with your body on the edge of my bed, holding on to the shreds of our last painful breath. Your eyes were fixed in an upright position: you stared at me like you had before, but you weren't all there---not anymore. I wanted you to hold me and I wanted you to slip, it's not something I'm proud of just a thought I quickly let go of and flipped and I floundered around with my words as I talked and you sighed and blinked your eyes as i sqwuaked. Your face was so blank and beautiful against the wild of your hair that you brushed from your eyes when you'd listen and stare. You folded your arms and you watched my lips move and I thought once you smiled but it was so quick and so smooth I believe it was only a slip of my mind, playing a few tricks of the cruelest kind. I wished that you'd have kissed me on the ledge of my bed but you stood up so quickly and turned your head, your eyes were so cold as you stood up to go, and what I did wrong--I'll never know. Now all I remember is the way you smelled and how long the memory of you I held. I waited by the door for you after you left because you took my heart with you: my chest is bereft.