so what if things aren't working out, I can still try, right?

to sum up the past month in one word : ...Oops.

Go ahead and drag your demons behind you like an anchor, weighing you down and holding you in the pasts stiff embrace. You clutch and claw at your past mistakes, trying to keep them in your arms and embrace your regret like you would and should embrace love had you ever known it. Ever. Truly. Known it. You're drowning in your own blood, the shattered peices of your broken heart stabbing you as you tread uselessly in the sanguine waters of your life. Keep on going, and you're going to drown. You're going to bleed to death waiting for your heart to fall back into place. Waiting for someone else to put it back together for you. You cut yourself open trying to bleed out from the inside, trying to bleed yourself free. But you should've learned by now... Sorrow doesn't bleed... Heartbreak doesn't heal... And sometimes all you have to do to make the pain stop is drop anchor, and stare out at the crystal blue sea instead of forging your path in a river of blood and tainted memories. Some things just weren't meant to be. And all this "Pain" you're in... Is self-inflicted misery. Thrashing around in ropes that you bound yourself. You buried yourself alive... Focus. Focus. There are better things in life. Move. On. Better things...Better things... Better things to live for than reliving all your hurts, cutting open all your scars. Scar tissue is as it is for a reason, to heal the wound while leaving a mark. A prescence. Every scar is a lesson, not another stone on your back. Not another demon trailing behind you like a child, clutching at your heels. There is a difference between life, and pain. Find it

Seriously What happened to my life?!

Trust... Can be a terrible, terrible thing When misplaced... And I appear to have lost mine...entirely

Fuck you and your bullshit lies and your "I really like you" one minute then your "not calling me for a week" the next Fuck you and your lack of... being there... you always gotta be anywhere but here so fuck you I don't give a shit blow me and choke on it really like me my asscrack ya whore well i'm gonna go take some illegal drugs now so bye

I realized something today Everything's going to be fine yeah, I might even be okay because through it all whether I acknowledged it or not I never loved you anyway

With every breath you take and every word you say And every bitter tear I cry Proves no point further Than that you never cared for me I lay awake at night and wonder Why you could lie so well when I Had to hide how much I cared? How you could feed me every lie And I took them without flinching Knowing all the while Behind those eyes You lied Behind you words You lied Behind your "love" You lied Behind every dreary sigh when I Hurt you When I said I questioned you And your love You lied And every word you said and every breath you sighed Was a lie But now you sigh because it's over And I'm not worth lying to anymore Sleepless now I understand Everything was nothing And You lied

If I can't have the warmth of your touch I'll have the warmth of alcohol And that has to be good enough

sometimes I can't remember what it felt like... back when I had a soul When I felt something more than nothing. Emptyness around me, inside me. Empty is a word. I never thought it could be a feeling. Maybe I've died inside and my body hasn't realized it yet. I feel like the walking dead, the waking dead, the moving, thinking, breathing dead. But I'm not supposed to die yet. I know I'm not. Because if I was, I would've been dead already. Gone. Out. Poof! Wipe me out of existance like an ant, and god's holding the magnifying glass. I would never kill myself anyway. As long as I'm still alive, there has to be a reason. Keep the faith.

here's to the nights we felt alive

Can't we say I'm bitter And leave it all at that? You take a deep breath Shudder, fall back It's enough enough to you You act like it's my job To pull everyone through I'm impressed You're so much better And I'm a mess This is just a test Of our faith Loyatly falters Our passion is slain Gone to the dogs And we're out just the same Take a deeeep breath Shudder, fall back It's fact We're done It's through I'm sick and tired Of looking up to you You're not better And I'm not worse You're gone You're out Things make sense Take another deep breath Shudder Fall back It's over ---------------------------- "See...? See...?" She smiled her broken smile and picked up the pieces, they tore and caught at her flesh as they slipped through her fingers one by one. "Don't things make more sense now...?" I stared at her, down on the floor and bleeding on her hands and knees. "Don't things make more sense once you take them apart...?" Her smile looked fragile as she stared at me. Her eyes seemed to reflect all of my sins, broken to pieces and put together in crystal clarity... All in her eyes. And she cried. I stared back at her, almost angry at how she could think that things were that easy. But all I felt was regret, as I said the last thing I'd ever say to her and turned my back to everything I once believed in and walked away. "Only if you can figure out how to put them back together."

Every day that I'm alive, I always wonder if the breathes I take are all mistakes... If I should hold it til my life is gone, if I should fall and let it end. If I should just let go... Maybe... Because living, breathing, and moving doesn't mean you're alive. Maybe I was never truly alive. Perhaps I don't deserve to be alive. Ending everything now just feels like I'd be saving myself from years of heartaches, heartbreaks... Years of lying. Years of crying. I've already realized the mistakes I've made, but that doesn't make it better, the regret of all my years, dreams hopes fears, are what keep me awake at night. Don't worry, babe. It's okay that you never loved me. If I were you... I'd probably hate me too.

I hate walking through the school and thinking... every now and then... when certain people walk by... Oh yeah... You cheated on me with him once. And him, too. Then there was that other time... And sometimes, I wonder... Maybe it was a mistake, every time I forgave you.

I'm doing my best to remember a time when you still cared... And I'm failing miserably. It was all a big pretend, wasn't it? Everything you ever said to me? I'm sorry I'm such a terrible person to be with, but you never minded the fucking sex. Until it became all we ever did. Then you wanted to talk... But when I talk you tell me that the things I say are the stupidest you've ever heard... I do drugs, you know. One to put me to sleep, and one to wake me up... But my favourite, is the one that makes me forget about YOU.

You're nothing again, son... Sit in the corner... You dunce, you fool... You idiot... You're nothing. And you'll never be anything again. You never meant anything to her or anyone before her... How could they ever love anyone like you... When there are so many men who are better than you, you're nothing but a child. A scared little child huddling in the dark with his little toys and his safety blanket and his heartache. You act like you know what pain is, but you don't. You're nothing but a poor player pretending. Maybe even dumb enough to think you're telling the truth. But you're just lying to yourself. Everyone laughs at you behind your back, you know... How could they not? You're pathetic and you're nothing. A living, breathing, walking empty shell. But breathing and moving doesn't make you a person. Because you're a perfect example of this, son. You're nothing at all, but you walk and you breathe and you bleed and you LIE. Because at the end of the day, you're not a person... You're not even an excuse for a person. You're a dunce, and that's all you'll ever be. Sit in the corner, boy. None of us want to see your face.

Your kisses are poison deadly sweet I'm drifting Leaving life behind To find a place That could be better Than where I'm at But take comfort Because... remember It cannot be any worse

This time I'll give you time to take a breath, I'll be sure to give you a longer time to come up with another lie. Remember every time before this when we would argue and I would walk away before I said that loving you is the worst mistake I've ever made. No more. I've said it, and the back of your head as you walked away was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. I love you, I'll not lie. But I'm glad that your lie is over. I'm glad you finally said it. "I never loved you." I'm glad that your honesty is almost equal to mine for once. I love you, but it's the biggest mistake I could ever make in my fucking life. But you know what... Don't worry... Because you'll always be my greatest mistake. And I'm looking forward to hearing you deny everything that's happened. Everything you put me through. I can't wait to hear that I'm the bad guy. How I wrecked your life and controlled you... While you cheated. And you lied. You used me. But I was the catalyst to our relationships demise. Does it matter how you complained about just how close I was to my friends? About how right after you said that you were the one who fucked MY friend behind my back while I watied patiently for you promised calls? No, I said something that was cruel to you. And it doesn't matter just how many times you were cruel to me... Because I didn't tell people. And you were too busy fucking around on me to tell anyone either. You used me, you controlled my life every second we were dating. But I'm the bad guy because of what I said. This one thing I said... While you have spent the last 6 months saying things like that to me, and doing things far far worse.

I will always love you But I can't promise that I will always want to

Dude, she used to be your bff? Yeah? Well she's my friend now, motherfucker. And you don't fuck with my friends, my lil dick joke? It's on a fucking t-shirt dicklick, so don't act like your so baad 'cause you say it too. And you know what, it's kinda funny that your punk ass leaves comments on her fucking diary then makes yours friends only so she can't return the favour. Make yours fucking public and I won't comment in her diary about you anymore. I'll comment in yours. Biased? Fuck if I care. From what I understand she's got every fucking right to be biased against you, and considering the fact that she's been nice to me and you've been nothing but a little punk ass bitch... Whose side do YOU think I'ma be on? And your comment gave me a liiitle bit of a hint of your intelligence (or lack therof)... So... I'm gonna spell this shit out. As long as you talk to my fucking friend like that, expect shit like that fucking comment from me. By the way... As she put it so well... STFU Patricia... I hate you. Go die somewhere. That was my little addition, that. But... Go take a loooong walk off a shoooort pier. Got it? Good. Now leave me and my friends the fuck alone.