0020am Monday 2nd August, 2004

I updated the 'talkingclock' graphic journal today.

My sleep pattern is deterierating. Yesterday i did not sleep at all, and ran on pure adrenaline for the entire 4-hour duration of work overtime. I went to bed earlier than usual--before 2300--in hope of sleeping better. I woke again at 2am today, when i took two sleeping tablets. After an aditional hour, i fell asleep, only to wake again at 7am. I then finally woke, and decided to become active, at 10am this morning, and began to prepare for work.

I did not enjoy it. There are many reasons; i hae puzzled over them brielfy, since it was perplexing how i could have enojyed work so much yesterday, yet feel completely void today. Here are the reasons:

1. I did not sleep well, which was frustrating.

2. I was spat on yesterday coming home from work by a small group of youths on bicycles.

3. I recieved an email response from a close friend, which, while it reminded me of various pleasant things, also reminded me that i cannot see this person, and provoked a memory of happiness and pleasure from life and all things in general, compared to life as it stands today.

4. I completely and regretfully ignored a work friend while suffering from extreme feelings of collapsing claustraphobia in a store.

5. -

There are many reasons, and i do not like the fact that i am listing them, so i will cease now.

When i returned from work, i drank, spoke, and was cheerful in the face of all. I ate dinner pleasantly, with the newest family, then carried myself upstairs, where i sat on the toilet and cried for approximately 7 seconds, leaving me with nothing but a sting in my eyes and a wrench in my gut. I then played a video game with my siblings upon their invitation, happily competing against them, which they enjoyed.

The 'talkingclock' entry today is incredibly personal compared to the others, which focus on experimentation more than emotion.