but every beginning makes me feel like crying. i'm so tired, so tired of it all by the end, but then it starts again... and you're so beautiful to me, beautiful for me.

I miss you.

I'm holding my hands and pretending they're yours, stroking my fingers and pretending like you can feel me. I'm crying and wishing i was better

ican do this. i can

(heh, i only need to stop these tears to focus on the keys!)

I'm imagining the way you smell, closing my eyes and feeling your arms around me, clinging to you and holding you, lying with you... but i'm crying to you. i'm sorry ,i'm sorry for this, for me, for loving you and dragging you, for listening and speaking, for being, for wanting. please

(but i cannot hold a child)

happily i sustain

a small urge

to live

i think im lying