This place I call home has become a hell, I want out everyday, somedays less then others, but I feel so wasted here.. I feel useless like an old toy, one that just sits and collects dust as the child has moved on to something new. From this veiw I can tell whats happening in others lives, but my own life lacks all the features that would allow a life to be great, Will work fill this gap? Its doubtful.. But its worth a try, atleast it will get me out of this house. Living a life of dreams has its ups and downs... The up's are great, but the downs hurt, you can feel yourself falling, sometimes you know your falling, other times the ground just hits you... I want to live in between the lines of Romantic and Realist, I need to be the median, I haven't found out how, but right now I know my life isn't in proportion to what I want. My family is serisouly pissing me off, today Sean took the modem so I have no cable internet. I'm with out the net right now, thus why I'm writting this. I got pissed about it, but instead of screaming at Sean I just left. I caught the LTD and went to the Transit Center, then I went to Papa Johns and picked up a job application, I went to Burger King to get some food and was going to get a job application there but they where out of applications. The whole reason Sean unplugged the net was because I told him I had a young mens event tonight, (church junk) and I didn't want to go, he called my mom and told her this, she told him it was my choice, I told him to stop being a fucking asshole, so he unplugged the modem and took it. Thats when I left. Anyways, after I went to Burger King I walked to HomeDepo and bought a Butane Tourch for soldering Jewlery, my mom called me on my cell and wanted to know where I was, I told her "thats a secret" at this point I didn't know if I wanted to go home, I knew I didn't but if I was going to go home, it would be easyer to get a ride from my mother then walking, even though it was less then a mile to walk home, probably a half of a mile.. But it was cold and I was running out of Ideas, plus I wanted to play with my new tourch.. So my mother came and got me, I opened my tourch, played with it.. Its kinda niffty, just need some metal to solder, so I came down here to check if the net was back on so I could order some metal, and it was still unplugged, I then told my brother I needed the net to order medal and he told me that mother said to keep it off, when in reality my mom didn't say anything about that to me.. I guess we will see when she gets home right? School has been going well, I have all A's and one B-, I was suprised, the B- was a C yesterday.. maybe its gone back down, but I can't check since I don't have the net.. Grrr... I've got strong feelings of lust, kissing withdrawls, cuddleing withdrawls.. the usual. Watch me get with miss perfect and fuck it all up with my lustful addictions. Although I'm sure I could tame them with one cuddleing and kissing setion. Pathetic me I know.. but I will laugh at you all too, when you experience the same fucking thing! HAHA doot... Great, my dad got me in a freaking Sign Launguage EFY setion.... now I get to go to Idaho... Damnit, I don't even want to go now, but he invested freakin 400 bucks in to it... GRRRR