i clean up after little men that work all day and sing with the animals. the psychobitch- i mean lovely queen wants to kill me. it's because i'm hotter than her (but it wasn't me who said it it was the mirror-it's the mirror's fault). one day this old woman (she really should consider getting cosmetic surgery) came to my house and she gave me and apple and it was so good, i mean like really good and then i felt sort of dizzy and light-headed and then...and then i wake up and i feel like i'm in something hard and cold and i try to open my eyes but i can't open my eyes and i try to move and i can't move. i was totally paralyzed. i couldn't figure it out and then i realized that maybe i'm dead but not. or maybe they thought that i was dead and they put me in acoffin. and by then is shitting bricks because i was fucking buried alive. the fuckers buried me alive. i mean don't they check for a pulse or something? and so i laid there for awhile- i couldn't tell you how long but eventually i heard a noise, right and i'm thinking how could i hear a noise if i'm buried underground and shouldn't i be dying from lack of oxygen? but anyways i hear voices and i was like oh my god they're digging me up and so i tried to yell, but my vocal cords decided to fuck me over too. and then i feel somebody's lips on mine....and i'm thinking.... you must be some sick FUCK to dig up some random girl's goddamn grave open the casket and kiss her on the lips. but then i could open my eyes. and initially i thought that this was like some really sick twisted princess story with a nice ending. but then i saw who it was. it was dopey. the fuck. oh, and i wasn't on any illicit substances when this occured...ahem....really...
You are Snow White!

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