things have changed so dramatically since i started this journal, every single person that i was so close to so long ago has left me. or vice versa. i know this isnt my fault at all, but im still clinging to the thought that everything happens for a reason. there is a reason that im detatched this year. theres a reason why everyone is gone. its just me and my art, staring me in the face. it cant hide anymore. im probably going to end up moving, i better detatch myself as much as possible. but i miss chris and shaylah and laura and becca and...brittany even though shes still here somewhat. i hate how things are different even though i am happy, and confident. a part of me would give anything to have black hair again and be miserable all the time. as much as i look back and shudder at who i used to be, i dont a regret a thing. plus, it got me to where i am today.

its been far too fucking long, dude.

i just watched le chaton fall behind the computer. it was kind of funny but i felt bad. now hes sitting in my lap purring all crazy.

so i fugure why not. i love scott. and ive loved this site since dickety-two. ive been here for two years, why leave now? ........................................... its particularly nice with my dad not here. my mom actually bought decent food. but she went to vons and probably spent a lot of money. it always worries me so much when she spends money. i mean, its not like we have any. im afraid im going to wake up one day and everything will be gone. i cant really do much about it anyway considering i cant get a job and even if i did, i dont think i would contribute money towards the family or anything. selfish. school is almost out, thank god. im afraid of flying to missouri by myself. im quite curious about kansas city art institute however. i hope katrina goes with me. that would be nice. how come i only want to see him when its impossible for me to and then when i have the time, i lie straight out to him? and hes so trusting too. god, im such a bad girlfriend. ============================================ IIScoutsHonorII: i'm not trying to get in your pants theyreXautomatic: you promise? IIScoutsHonorII: i promise 100% theyreXautomatic: ok. thank you.

i quit. at what, you may ask? at life. but first and foremost, sitdiary. goodbye.

id never thought id say this but... im tired of you, sitdiary.

THIS IS SO UNNECCESSARY!!!!! WHY IS JEFF PICKING ME UP RIGHT NOW IF IM PRACTICALLY GOING OUT WITH ALEX???????? good lord.

im at the gym. if i dont stop excercising soon i will vomit.

i seriously cant take it anymore. you were never important to me and nothing ever was. i feel like im here but not at the same time. and you may think its from drugs or something. i wish it was. hell, ive never done drugs in my life. but all i know is that nothing intrests me anymore. i dont want a boyfriend. hell, id be fine without friends. i would just have nothing to live for because i know that if i sat by myself all the time i would go crazy. and maybe i am going crazy because i just dont know what to do. fuck tv fuck art fuck you fuck me. maybe i need a good fuck. but hell...that sounds like bullshit. i dont. i dont want one anyhow. for a long time. dont want that thing inside of me. jeebus, i dont know what to do with myself. .... new haircut? did it ma-self

i love how i woke up this morning thinking to myself "i really want some hearty breakfast foods" and then i walked upstairs and grabbed a handful of oreos. damn it.

to three things now. 1)fake meat in my spaghetti. 2)the internet. 3)this website:http://grouphug.us/page/91740/n ohhhhh maaaa gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

can anyone be more annoyed in their life? i dont think so. but this annoyance will all go away as soon as i see his face, im sure. it happens to everyone else. im just tired of it all. all of the elements of him. i love him but i hate him at the same time. he makes things so much harder than they really have to be. jeebus. im tired of plotting silly sly plans because of him. and im tired of having to tear my friends from his grasp every time i want to hang out with them. damn, im glad hes not my boyfriend. end.

chris should grow his hair out again.

the end. EDIT RIGHT NOW ISNT AWKWARD AT ALL. NOT

once upon a time there was me and you and. me was you and you was me. and they were happy.

sometimes i forget how much i want to be a stick figure.

where did they get them two fine cars?

wow moving units last night was so great. besides us getting lost in EL AYYYY for like 45 minutes and some minute drama, it was worth it. ive never danced harder in my life. awwwww...aint she cute? [thats what yoooooouuuuuuuuuu think] here we are...the many faces of miss shaylah buckner. we spent way too long doing this, so you better look. oh man, you would never believe what happens when youre bored.... especially in my room with all of its psychidellicness...yeah.... this ones a winner. "you look like a general from 1918." "wait...what? are you sure its 1918?" "yes." she looks like a baby chicken. otherwise known as a chick. "faster daddy, faster!"

if only weat thins werent so delicious. oh wait!! there is a food guide pyramid on the side of the box here telling me that i should have 6-10 servings of grains a day. how refreshing. this means i have about 9 more to go. servings, i mean.

its weird. sometimes i start thinking about how we live on a planet that is floating in space and i get so freaked out that i want to start crying. that happened earlier only i tried to distract myself by telling myself over and over again "think of the monkeys...the monkeys...." and then i fell asleep. today i saw multitudes of people that i used to be friends with. i would say hi, make small talk and then later, as they walked away say, "i used to be best friends with that girl." i always used to be best friends with someone new about every...say couple months or so maybe? for some reason the bitter thought of that happening to me and the lewis sisters attacked my brain and freaked me out so bad. i dont want to look back and think about what we used to have. no no no. their house is home and there is too much history and way too many good memories to ever leave it. this is the house that changed me. fin.