I slammed the phone down, ran to my room, locked the door and cried manically into my pillow. This was nothing new to me, I had cried many times before, most of those times over Kelli. But somehow this was different. These tears just felt so worthless, illogical and untrue. Somehow any other time I had cried, it would have felt meaningful, as if the tears would accomplish something, as if she would see my tears and change her ways. But she never did. She knew how much pain I was in, seeing her destroy herself, then making excuses for it. I had done everything I could; she was beyond my help….beyond my control. I didn’t know what to do, how was I going to tell people? My parents? There are just some words that aren’t meant to be said. For a second my mind slipped, to whether or not I would get any time off school for this. For a few minutes I did all I could to hate myself, how could I be so bloody selfish? I wanted to tell someone, I wanted to tell everyone, but I still didn’t want anyone to know. I tried to stop thinking, to block it all out, pretend it hadn’t happened. I lay there for hours until eventually I fell asleep the same way I had done many nights before, crying.