How can you know what it is like to betray yourself? To give in to the thing you despise And not despise yourself for it. ‘It was just a mistake’ They say ‘Try to forgive yourself for it’ But you can’t, Because you know that what you did was completely deliberate And now impossible to erase. Tearing through flesh where before you had coated others with armour, Even against their will Crying and screaming where before you had blocked others’ tears and gagged their quietest murmurs Taking for advantage that they will give you sympathy Because you had once given it to them Expecting them to stand by you Even though you once abandoned them Betrayal, Hate, Pain, fear, despair The worst emotions and the ones you cannot escape