...from all the lives you left your mark upon. Jason's best friend died a couple of nights ago after a horrible car accident. He showed up to work last night for some odd reason and Liz said the sadness that he felt just overwhelmed the room. He told me people would try to talk to him and he wouldn't be able to move his mouth to respond. It seems like some moments he's okay, but the next he just closes up completely. He went with me to my appointment this morning and then we went back to his house to watch a movie. After the movie he picked his dog up and said "I don't feel good" and went up stairs. I didn't even question what was wrong. I went up stairs and saw him laying in his bed under the covers completely still. I crawled in there as unassuming as I possibly could and gently stroked his hair and face. I watched the tears fall down is face and onto the pillow. He didn't have to say anything, neither of us did, I just held him and tried to comfort him. It seemed like it was a couple of hours of us both falling in and out of consciousness before his dog drug him out of bed. I felt like I overstayed my welcome. I don't think he wanted anyone around at that point, so we put on our shoes he walked me out to my car. We didn't kiss, which made me a little more sad than I already was, but I am at least trying to understand. As I predicted hours beforehand, when I got into the car I started crying. I can't stand watching him go through this. Ever since that night I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. He says he doesn't know how to feel. It's like he's so overwhelmed by shock and grief that he doesn't know what to feel first. Thats what I think, anyway. I've been sad all day, but I don't think anything I feel comes close to whats going on in that poor boy's heart and head. He told me her funeral is on Monday, but he doesn't think he's going to go. Funerals suck, its the truth. It's the final goodbye. It's like you can be there at the hospital when they wheel her broken body in, you can be in the room staring at the dead body, but it doesn't become real until the funeral. It's real when you walk in and see everyone dressed in black, when you see the flowers and the pictures of her when she was six months old, when you both went to the lake together, the picture you took of her a month before she passed, when you walk in and see the casket with the flowers on it, when you see them open the casket and you see her laying there looking as if she was never hurt at all. You go to the buriel site and watch them lower the casket, you hear the prayer and recieve the handshake from the pallbearers, when they give you a flower from the bouquet on the casket. It all becomes painfully real and all those feelings that you couldn't sort for days coming rushing to the surface. He told me he doesn't want it to be the last memory he has of her. It's just so horrible. Hannah was so young, it just isn't fair.