Laugh, laugh, laughing at you...

So I'm just sitting here, twiddling my thumbs. Actually, I can't twiddle my thumbs and type all at the same time. I lied. =p Today is a better day. I hope. It's almost 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I've done nothing but sit here and look at this screen. Besides sending Jen off to work, that is. She hurt her back at work, and she's been a bit gimpy. I was glad to see that she was feeling better this morning. I need to stop by and see her shortly. I think I'll do that after I finish this entry. It will probably be the only time I get to spend with her today. I do believe she is planning to go out with after work and stay with her Dad tonight. I hate sleeping alone, but I can deal. I'm glad Jen has the relationship that she has with her father. Honestly, I guess I envy her in a sense. I wish I had a better relationship with my Dad. I am happy for them both, really. It's not everyday you see parents and kids that are truly best friends. In a way it makes me feel good. I'm glad that her living with me hasn't affected their friendship. I know that her Dad doesn't care much for me, but why would he? LOL. I'm sure I will understand the way he feels one day when I have a child of my own. I can honestly say though, that he is a good man. He has raised a wonderful daughter. Comparing my own feelings, I can only imagine how proud of her he must be. He has every right to be proud of her, and proud of himself also. I know we don't exactly see eye to eye, but kudos to you Joe. Kudos to you. I hope that I can be half the man that you are, and be a good Dad like you are too. I hope that I can have a relationship with my kid just like you have with Jen. Enough about that, I reckon. I feel like doing something. I'm tired of these boring nights. I was going to ask Jen if she wanted to go to the Drag Show or see a movie tonight. I figure her and her Dad have already made other plans. I may still throw it out there, I don't know. I really just hope that she's still feeling all right. It was nice to see her happy and in a good mood this morning. Anyway, I guess I have typed enough now. My right pinky finger I'm almost sure is broken. It's beginning to hurt, and today is not a day for me to feel pain. It may send me into rage. All in all I'm in a good mood, just a little sensitive I guess. I'll return later to comment and probably write some more. Hope you all have a great day! Rock the fuck on! -Big T

Hello and good day to all...I'm sorry I haven't been around to write. I figure life's just been giving me too much to do and to think about. Do you ever feel like you're getting burnt out on life? I really hope that I'm not the only person that's had these feelings. I feel like I'm just coasting. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I feel so unsure...and not just about some things, but just about everything. What am I meant to do? Why was I put here? Why am I having such a hard time figuring out my own purpose? When we're young, it seems like such a long time, the time that have here to live...in this world. You learn though, that life is much shorter than what we all thought. I just hope that I don't watch mine pass me by. Enough about that...I guess I can figure it out later...LOL. My girlfriend has got to be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I really just hope that she is happy. Sometimes I feel like I am not enough to keep her. All in all, we are getting along just fine, though. She makes me feel so great. I can't explain the way I feel when she is around. Someday, soon I hope, she'll be my wife. The only thing that I'm absolutely sure about in my life right now, is my love for her. I would honestly give my own life to save hers. There is only one thing about Jennifer that bothers me. It's an old subject, and I know you all have heard quite alot about it. "It" is what we like to call Craig. I have tried and I am still trying, so hard, to accept the fact that she is close to him and that they are still friends. It isn't easy, by any means. There is nothing that can be said or done to make it any easier. I am convinced that it will bother me for as long as it endures. It isn't because I hate the boy. It isn't because I am a jealous freak. Craig is Jennifer's ex. It's that simple. Craig is still in love with my girlfriend. I don't say this because it is what I've heard, I say this because it is what I know. I trust Jennifer, I do. But, I have been in love before. I know what it's like to be around someone that you loved, that you were with, for a long period of time. He needs to get over her. Being around someone that you want, that you feel like you need, does not help the grieving process. It's hard to get over someone when they still call you, they still attempt to see you, and so on. I understand that it's hard to let someone go after all that time, but we must make sacrifices when we move on and begin new things in life. It's the only way. I'm new at this, I've never had to deal with this before. I won't give Jennifer up for anything. I don't care what anyone could offer me. It does hurt though, and that, I don't think she understands. Jennifer and I went to Gino's today, to talk to Mark and Craig. Just about the whole time we were there, Jennifer was looking at Craig, and Craig was looking at Jennifer. She also sat beside Craig. No, I'm not saying anything bad about my girlfriend. I guess I just can't understand how she feels. I don't know! It just makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not comfortable with Jennifer calling him and stuff. I just can't be. I just can't understand why they need to talk on the phone. Their relationship is over. She has someone new. I do know that she loves me, but how am I to know that I can be comfortable with them (she and Craig) interacting that way? I feel horrible because I'm sure me feeling this way and telling her about it makes her feel that I don't trust her. That's not it, at all. It bothers me enough that her parents would both rather her be with him than me. They make that very clear. Especially her Mother. I can clearly see the reasons for them feeling that way. Of course, it's only in a parent's nature to try to push what they think is best for their child. Sure, parents are of course older and wiser, but they are not perfect, just like us (young folk). Just like we are not always right, they aren't either. I firmly believe in doing what makes you, as an invdividual, happy. This goes back to the "life is short" comment earlier in this entry. If you spend your whole life trying to make everyone else happy, you tend to forget about yourself alot of the time. In forgetting about yourself, you forget about others at the same time. I myself am guilty of this, I am not trying to be a hypocrit. I'm probably not making a damn bit of sense. I'm just rambling. Right this very moment, I am happy. I have a great relationship overall. There are a few kinks in the line, just like there are in every relationship. If no one is perfect, how is it possible to have a perfect relationship though? Who knows? All I know is that mine is close enough to perfect to make me happy. I know that one day Jennifer and I will come to an understanding. If I have to wait, I'll wait. She is worth every minute. I am truly in love with her. -- Baby, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I love you with every bit of heart that I have. I will never let go of all the memories that you have given me, and all the ones I'm sure we will make in the future. I am not upset with you. I am just trying to deal with this the best way I know how. You mean more to me than you will ever know. I wish I had words to explain the way I feel, but I don't. They say that there aren't enough words to define true love, though. I really hope that my love is enough to keep you around. When my time is over on this Earth, I want you to be by my side. You have made a permanent impression in my soul. No matter what happens, I will always love you. I just want you to understand how I feel and what my heart is telling me. Without you, I don't know where I would be right now. You have changed my life. All I need is a little time. I promise. I am tryinh so hard to straighten myself out. You've given me every reason to turn my life around and be a better person. I don't know if I could handle my heart getting broken again. I might not be able to put it back together again. You are the only person that I trust not to do it. You are my everything. Everything I have ever wanted. Please, just know, that I cherish every second that I spend with you. I won't ever let go of what we have. No matter what. I Love You. -- Well, I've said enough for now. I will comment later and maybe even have another entry. Sorry about the wait! Rock on ya'll! -Big T

Hi everyone. How are you? I'm all right I guess. I give my sincerest apologies for not being around to update much lately. Things have been a bit crazy. As you all I'm sure have already read, Jennifer now lives with me. She moved out I guess about two weeks ago and moved in here in good ol' Coal City, WV. So far things are going fairly well, and I'm very happy that we are staying together now. I'm glad that her relationship with her parents is not ruined because of me. I must admit I was feeling pretty guilty about it once my anger had subsided. I think that once Jen and I really get used to seeing each other at home and the newness kind of goes away, it will be really great. I don't know what I'd do without her. She is my everyday motivation. The one thing that I would wish for right now, is for this relationship to work. Everyday I try to think of ways to make her more happy. That is my ultimate goal, to make her happy. In the meantime, I have to make sure that I'm happy too. This past year has been one of the best I've experienced in my nearly 21 years. I don't want anything to change. I have the utmost confidence in my relationship with Jen, but sometimes I just get this feeling that she isn't completely honest about how she's feelings about me. It only happens once in a while, but when it does, it just urks the hell out of me. I try to ignore the thought, but damnit I just can't seem to overcome it. Does anyone else understand what I'm trying to say? Is this natural? It's not really in the way that she acts, it's just some kinda of paranoia that eats at me. Sometimes it will go on for days before I can get my mind at ease. Ah hell...who knows....I'm sure everything will be fine in the end.... Off to bed I go... Until the next time... -Tom

Ok. This goes out to anyone who has been involved in this fucking soap opera. First of all, I'd like to apologize for the "crap" I've been talking. I guess that makes me just as low as you guys. Actually, I don't guess. I know it does. So, I apologize for that. But, I must say, I am still not impressed with any of you. I have known that you've been reading this site for some time now. Why do you think I wrote what I wrote? I knew you were going to read it. I wanted you to read it. I wanted you both to know exactly how I felt about what was going on. JOE - As far as saying things to your face goes, it's your fault that I won't say it to your face. If my memory serves me correctly, you're the one who threw my clothes away and told me that you didn't want to see me, much less talk to me. I left out all of the curse words, of course. So why should I speak to your face? You specifically told me not to. That's not my fault. I am not to blame there. If you want to know how I feel, and you want to hear it directly from me, I will tell you. I don't want to argue, I don't want to fight. I'm really sorry that things turned out the way they did. I want you to know that I am not trying to take your daughter away from you. But, if she is going to leave home, I'm not going to let her stay just anywhere. My parents are very fond of Jennifer and will not let anything happen to her. She is just like family to all of us. She is more than welcome to talk to you on my cellphone, by the way. I don't mind a bit. I want you and Jennifer to remain close, you two have a great parent-kid relationship. I wish I could have had that kind of relationship with my Dad while I was growing up. She loves you more than anything in this world, and that includes me. I would never ask her to choose me over you. That just isn't right. And Joe, I want you to know, that contrary to popular belief, I did NOT cheat on your daughter. She makes me happy, and I am completely satisfied with out relationship. I know that you probably won't believe me, and this won't do any good, but atleast I am trying. I can't make you believe me. All I can do is tell what I know is the truth. I know what I have done, and that's all that I can really say. If you can forgive me, that's all that I ask you for. I'm sorry for anything out of the way that's happened in the past. I'm over it, and ready to forget about it. I won't bother you anymore, you won't have to see me, but I will bring Jennifer over to see you any and I mean ANY time she wants to see you. If you need her, you can also call her at my house. I hope maybe one day things will be better. CAROL- As far as I'm concerned, you don't deserve to talk to me. You have lied about me continuously for some time now, just because you don't like me and don't want your daughter to be with me. You didn't have the balls to come straight out and tell me like Joe did. Atleast he was man enough to come and tell me himself, instead of filling his daughters head full of bullshit to try and get her away from me. I wouldn't be acting the way I am now if you hadn't provoked it. Don't try and put it all on me. Yes, I am at fault in some instances, just like everyone else. But I am not the problem here. The problem is, you tried to deal with your problems the wrong way. You don't know anything about me, you don't have any "people", and no one you know is watching me. If they are, you're not very bright, because that is conspiracy, and it is very illegal. Another reason I haven't said things to your face is, you live 5 hours away. You don't have to be the head cashier at Wal-Mart to figure that one out. I have no respect for you whatsoever. I really thought you were a better person than that. It honestly hurts my feelings that you lied about all those things to Jennifer. Please don't try it anymore, because it won't work. Oh, and by the way, you say it's not about me, it's about what Jennifer wants. Well, that's all good and true, but again, hypocritical, because if you really believed that, you wouldn't get on to her for being with me. She WANTS to be with me. Ask her. I'm sure she will tell you the same thing. I do not twist her arm. I gave her the choice between Craig and I. It is up to her to make that decision. She chose me, and you're just going to have to get over it. Just because you like Craig better doesn't mean she has to. Sorry about your luck. VAL - Ok. This is a doozy. I don't know what your problem is. You are involved in this in no way, shape or form. I'm not sorry that I talked shit to you. You deserved every word of it. You need to keep your nose out of my business. You only have to go by what Carol is telling you, and quite simply, she is full of shit. She lies about me all the time. I know, because Jennifer tells me. Carol is never around to know about anything that goes on, she supposedly has "people" that watch me and blah blah blah blah. If you believe what she's telling you, you have my sympathy, because you're a fool. But of course, it's your aunt Carol, so you have a definite biased opinion. You are not a part of mine and Jen's relationship, so stay out of it, please and thank you. If she wants to be with me, she'll be with me. If she doesn't, she'll leave me. It's all up to her. You should live your own life, and leave her to live her own. I really could care less what you think of me, or what you've heard about me. You don't pay my bills, and you've never done a thing for me. So who cares, ok? There's no use for you to poke around in places where you aren't familiar. Lonestar is working out quite well for me, by the way. Thanks for asking! What have you ever worked for in your life? Have you ever even had a job? You think my parents are filthy rich and pay for everything, give me money all the time, blah blah blah? If you think that, you're sadly mistaken. I don't take handouts. I don't need aunt Carol to hold my hand and lead me around, and pout every time she won't take me to the Omellette Shoppe and pay for my meal, so you can kiss my ass. And by the way, I never failed out of college. As a matter of fact, I still have a 3.17 cumulative GPA. I made grades in high school that make you look like a fucking idiot. I worked my ass off and got my college paid for. My parents had nothing to do with it. I have worked for every damn thing that I have. Until you know a little more about what you're talking about, just shut your fucking ugly ass mouth. Phew...now that I've said what I needed to say, I will speak no more of this. Please don't leave ignorant comments on my diary, because I will just delete them. I will not reply. I will not talk to you, or feed your ego. It's over. I'm over it. And, now I'm going to forget about it... Until the next time.... -Tom

Hello everyone, and how do we fare on this wonderful (for some, I hope) Wednesday evening? Better than me, I hope. Today has just been one of those days. I'm tellin' ya. I can fill ya in pretty quickly though...things are pretty simple. 1: Joe - Prick. Simple as that. Not much else to say. Has a strange fetish for trashing folk's clothes. And cursing at people. Yeah. I really thought that I had some growing up to do, but this man has proved to me that I am not alone. Who the fuck throws somebody's clothes away? Jen wears them! I really don't understand. Well, after the first time I was cursed over all of my "laundry", Jen offered to wash my work shirt(this is 1 (one) t-shirt by the way). Well, I was just trying to be friendly and joke and said to tell Joe thanks for not throwing my work shirt in the trash. Well, he decides to get on the other phone and curse me a second time, OVER A FUCKING T-SHIRT! By the way, I am 20 years old, and grown. I don't take orders unless they're from my boss, at my job. I hate to burst your bubble there Joe, but you ain't my Daddy. And that's all I have to say about that. Sidenote: I will give Joe credit for one thing. He hasn't tried to fight me "yet". I've always heard that you can only avoid confrontation for so long, but I hope what I hear is wrong. Because if it comes down to that, things won't be pretty. 2: Carol - Fucking idiot and hypocritical as I've ever seen. Don't ever call my cell phone again. You are the most two faced woman I've ever met in my life. Please try not to make it so obvious next time, k? This bitch tells her daughter that I'm fuckin' other girls, doin' shitloads of drugs, drinkin' and drivin', and God knows what else. Then, when Jen leaves, and isn't at Shoney's, she calls my cell phone, using the nicest tone she's probably EVER used with me on my voicemail, asking me to have Jen call her when I talk to her. She even said thanks. Can we say "hypocrit"? I know I sure can. Look it up Carol, I'm sure Mr. Webster can tell you what the word means. Or do you even know who Mr. Webster is? Sidenote: Carol, don't you EVER talk about me behind my back, I don't care if it's to your daughter or your fucking priest. Don't do it. You don't know me. Just like Joe, you've made no effort to get to know me. You really shouldn't talk about things you don't know about. Sidenote: "Confucious say, it is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt." Write that down Carol...learn it. On to the good news, Jen and I are still doing good...well to be honest, great. She's the love of my life. I hope none of this crazy shit that is happening changes anything that we have going for us. She is honestly the only thing in my life that I care about keeping around. It looks like she'll be staying with me for a few days. Hopefully we'll get to spend some quality time together, that we've been missing lately, due to her parents grudge against me. But anyways...(dunt dunt dunn....) I must scurry off now. Jen and I rented some movies and I think we're about to go watch one. Until then... -Tom Sidenote: You're a queer, you're a queer, you're a queer, so bend over and take it in the rear! Sidenote: Yeah, just fucking wait. Take your fuckin' happy ass down the road somewhere and get out of my life. Fucking whore.

Hello all and my sincerest apologies for waiting so long to update. I've been working alot and honestly, with all the shit that's been happening around here, just haven't felt like typing. I hope you all are doing great and haven't missed me too awful much (which I'm sure you haven't, but I like to think so). The past few weeks have been very interesting and parts have been rather stressful. Jenny and I are doing just fine, but we tend to disagree on some certain subjects. I think we may have gotten it worked out, actually I really hope that we have. The main issue would have to be her ex. She thinks the world of him, and I don't know why. Everything can't be blamed on him, I know this. But, that's not the only thing that I don't understand. Craig has tried and tried repeatedly on several different occasions to cause problems between Jennifer and I. He tried forever to get her to leave me. I work as a server at Lonestar Steakhouse and Saloon. About a week ago, Craig comes in the his girl and one of his buddies, talking to Jennifer on the phone while he's requesting me as his server. Well, I serve him and his friends. I play nice. I try to be the better man and be grown up about it. They treated me like shit, and to beat all, left me with no tip. So, you know what Craig, FUCK YOU. And the horse you rode in on, you piece of shit. Now, if your ex did stupid shit like that to your new significant other, would you want to talk to them? Would you still want to be friends? Not me. I'm sorry. Jenny says it's not right that I asked her to quit talking to Craig. Well, I say it's the ONLY right way to deal with the situation. I could give 2 shits less how good of friends they are, or what they mean to each other. That effects me in no way whatsoever. I don't care what they had, or what they didn't have for that matter. It means nothing to me. They are done, and over with. There is no reason for communication. No kids, no real mutual friends. I don't see how she can expect me to be comfortable with her and Craig still talking on the phone and shit. No man in his right mind would let it go on. We've been together for almost a year now, she needs to move on. It's that simple. Though, the good news is, I think she is going to cut off the communication between herself and Craig. That is ALL I ask for. That's it. I will be the happiest camper in the fucking woods if she really goes through with it. I have faith in my baby, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see. But for now, I've got to go. I will for sure type more later and leave many stupid and lovely comments for everyone to read! Until then... -Tom

Clap your hands! Stomp your feet! Fuck a dog in the ass! I mean...nevermind. How do you fare, well I hope? Several days have passed since I last typed an entry, and I sincerely apologize for this. I have honestly been really busy with work, and other things. Things we don't speak of around these parts! =) I really do believe that misery loves good company. It's been trying to get me to come visit for the past 2 years. I just keep turning it down, but it gets more persuasive and persistent with each day that passes. How do I get rid of this annoying little pest? I believe I have tried all of the conventional methods. Can anyone help me? No. No one can help me. This is a one man job. How can I keep forgetting? How can I be so stupid, to ask such a question? How do I rid myself of these dark and senseless thoughts? They spread through my mind, destroying it from the inside, out. Like a virus, ignorant to the destruction that it causes. The pain can only be supressed, it never goes away. It hides, in the deepest and darkest places inside of me. Pain is the only one who truly knows me. It understands me. Pain has become my companion. It is my motivation. No matter what happens, it will always be there. Why? Can anyone tell me? No. No one has the answer. Why do I even ask? Why am I even curious? Even if I knew the answer, would I ever actually understand? Should I even try? Where will my efforts take me? To a place that only I can see. That is where. I wonder when my next trip will be. Soon, I hope. Rage is my only emotion. With each second that goes by, it becomes more difficult to contain. I'm calling out to you... You are te only one that can save me... I must come to terms with myself... Until then...

Hello all you internet junkies, and how are you on this beautiful Wednesday evening? Good, I hope. I myself am doing just fine. I started my new job today at the Lonestar Steakhouse and Saloon! Rock on! =) It's actually not bad, the tips are great. Food's great, co-workers seem to be pretty cool also. Mostly they're young adults around my age. The work environment is really comfortable. All the managers are easy going and relaxed. I'm gonna have to go get sloshed on one of my nights off. =p Anyway, on to more important matters. Jennifer and I are doing wonderfully well. She makes me so happy! I really believe that she is the one for me. I'm so glad that we are together. It'll be so great if all this works out, and Jenn and I get married. We are both still very young, and if we spend the rest of our lives together, that means (God willing, that is) that we have years and years to spend together. Just that thought brings a smile to my face. The matter that is really on my mind concerning Jenn is her "best" friend Shannon. Jennifer has a big heart, and she's just a sweetheart. It's that simple. Shannon, though she claims to love Jenn just like a sister, tends to take advantage of her kindness. It honestly aggravates the fuck out of me, because I know that Jenn would do anything in the world for Shannon. When Jenn had her Mom's car for a couple weeks, she drove Shannon to, and sometimes from, her work. Even still, Shannon fails to show proper appreciation. Instead, she goes and runs her mouth to those who don't need to know about some personal matters of mine and Jenn's. Shannon also acts sour towards me, and has no justifiable reasoning. I have done nothing to provoke her behavior towards me. I have offered for her to go out with Jenn and I, and made several other kind offers that were also turned down. Sometimes even rudely. I don't mean to ramble on about something so stupid, but I must exorcise my demons somehow. It's better than getting angry and telling Shannon what I think of her. I don't mind her and Jenn hanging out or whatever, not at all. Jenn knows that, and Shannon should. I honestly think that she's just jealous of Jennifer, because of me. I had no intentions of coming between them. Though, I've seen jealousy ruin many of friendships. In a way I feel a little guilty for taking up so much of Jenn's time. But, if Jenn wanted to spend her time with someone else, or doing something else, she would. I am not twisting her arm. In another way, I don't feel guilty at all. All that I have done is show Jenn my love. She deserves all of my love, and I will never and I mean NEVER, feel bad for loving her. But I guess I have written enough for now. I'm gonna go hug on muh baby a little. She's been at home all day and I've been at work, so I figure she needs some attention! Get'er done by God, and ROCK ON! -Tommy Sidenote: We're throwing a party for all the carnies and gypsy midgets this weekend. Free drinks or all the bearded ladies! Other Sidenote: See you at the circus, motherfuckers! I Love Cheese

Stupid people are taking over the world. I'm serious. I wish that someone in the right position of authority could realize and put a stop to it, but I believe that it is impossible. It is destiny. Hell, they're stayin' here when the world ends, anyway, right? LOL I really can't believe how ridiculously...just...plain...fucking...DUMB some people can be. I honestly pity them. If you are a fucking idiot (no offense to you, of course), you have my sympathy. I can't imagine what it must be like to be you. And then you have those who can't contain the hatred and humility that they feel for themselves. I wish them luck, also. Maybe one day, you will have an epiphany and decide to turn your face away from the monitor, and realize that there are far more interesting things to do in life, than rag random people that you don't know, on the internet, of all places. Thinking of you... Sidenote: I would write more, but I feel the laziness coursing through my veins. =) Other Sidenote: The other reason I won't write more now, is because me and my bitch are gonna go pray on some other defenseless little girls insecurities. Our current victim is rapidly becoming boring. ( *cough* Juliette *cough*)

Hello everyone, and how are you this beautiful Saturday evening? I'm great, thanks for asking! =) The past few days have been really interesting. I haven't done much, but I've had some time to spend with myself and some people that I haven't spent much time with recently. I think the past week has been really good for me. Jenny and I had to spend a week apart, but it feels like our relationship has grown so much stronger because of the time away from each other. (My Jenny returned from Virginia today, if you hadn't picked up on it). I was so glad to see her. I really missed muh baby. =) I feel like Jenny and I are only moving in one direction, and that is up. But I guess I'm gonna roll...you guys taker' easy and GET'ER DONE BY GOD! Tom Sidenote: I learned a very valuable lesson this past week. Be careful what you say and who you talk to on the Internet! It's all a conspiracy! (Inside Joke) =)

Breathe in for luck breathe in so deep this air is blessed you share with me This night is wild so calm and dull these hearts they race From self control your legs are smooth As they graze mine we're doing fine We're doing nothing at all. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery, Which ever you prefer. The words are hushed lets not get busted, Just lay entwined here undiscovered. Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions... "hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb. Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My Heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery, Which ever you prefer. Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember, I'll always remember the sound of the stereo, The dim of the soft lights, The scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers and The time on the clock when we realized It's so late and the walk that we shared together. The street was wet and the gate was locked So I jumped it and let you in and you stood at the door With your hands on my waist and you kissed me, But you meant it and I knew that you meant it, That you meant it, that you meant it, And I knew, that you meant it, that you meant it. Never forget, there is always a rainbow after the storm...we must always take the good with the bad if we plan to be successful in anything...in life, anyway... Sidenote: Jenny I love you more than anything in this word. Physically and spiritually, I am yours for as long as you'll keep me around. When I feel like the world is coming down on me, it seems like you're always there and strong enough to help me with the struggle of holding so much weight on my shoulders. I'm sorry that I am not perfect, though I wish I could be, just for you. You're the most beautfil girl in the world. I mean that. I hope that I never have to part with you. I love you and miss you very much. Tommy

Damnit I feel like ripping a tree out of the ground. There's nothing to do, nowhere to be, and it just plain sucks. I wish work would call me in. I need an occupation. There's nothing to take up my time. I wish I could just leave. I don't want to be here anymore. This place is driving me crazy. I have no desire to congregate with the ones that surround me. There is no reason for it. I need something. I'm just not yet aware of what it is. I need to go. Also, where, I'm not sure of. I feel the need to scream...bloody...murder... Please return to me my puppet...and I will pull your strings...the way that I am sure you wish to pull mine... I love you...

Hello all you lovely little internet junkies! Even though there are problably 4 or 5 people at most who read my boring ass diary =p Sorry I don't update it much, but I have so many other not-very-important things to do, it makes it hard to schedule! =) It's about 11:30 in the AM and I'm still waiting on Jenn to call me at my uncles. I reckon I'm gonna go soon and try and find a damn job. (Another one, that is...) I'm supposed to do some work for Momma Carol and make a little extra money. That will tide me over for a while I guess. Damnit paying bills sucks ass! But I guess that's life, right? You're born, bullshit around for 18 years, pay taxes for years until you die. What a crock of shit, huh? =) Oh well, I guess we should make of it what we can. We only get one chance to live. (Unless you're one in my case, then you'll be reincarnated as a carnie or a gypsy midget, being hired for stupid and senseless jobs, like sawing the legs off of giant cockroaches, and torturing them for invading peoples dreams)! But, moving on now, I miss my Jenny! She's the only thing in my life that I care about holding onto right now. She's the light in the dark for me. She is really like my other half, when she isn't here, I feel like a piece of me is missing. I don't mean to be so mushy or sound like a big baby, but I love Jenn. I never knew that love could feel like this. Just the thought of Jenn makes me feel like smiling. It's just hard to smile when she isn't here to share the cheesing with me! =p I want so bad for her to have a good time while she's away, but I also just want her to come home to me ASAP, cause I'm gonna go crazy! But my dear Jenn has just called, she's bullshitting with my uncle about buying brownies! I guess I'm gonna hop off here and tell her how much I miss her and love her! I'll send Jenn all your luvens and let her know that you guys miss her too! I'll write more later... PEACE Tom aka- "Big T" Sidenote: I'm only a pornstar for Jenn, sorry. Big T is only my stage-name. She pays me well anyways =) Sidenote: I sure do make a FIIIINE bitch...

Hello all my interniet junkies, and how do you fare this fine February evening? I must say I'm doing pretty well, and how bout this weather? It's nice being able to ride around with the windows down...I hate the winter! It's especially fun when you're riding around with retards! Which is exactly what I do at work. It's the job of my dreams, I tell you! Actually it's pretty cool. I get an hour paid lunch and shit...all I really do is take mentally challnged supported and independent living clients to doctors appointments and grocery shopping and shit. And make sure they're bathing and shit...LOL. Some of these people are fuckin' out there man...they range from bipolar to OCD and then to schizzo...they're fun to talk to =) Me and my co-worker walked into one guy's apartment...there was about 75 boxes of letter envelopes on the kitchen table...probably about 2,000 letters that have never been sent to anyone, all neatly addressed and enveloped...and in the corner beside the TV, there was a stack of about 50 VCR pornos...LOL...this guy is a fuckin' weirdo man! I guess you'd have to be one warped motherfucker to like this job...but I love it. Cause I'm a lazy bastard, and I don't really do shit at work. It's easier than layin' on the couch watching TV at my house...but that's only because my Dad is fucking loony... Anyways...I'm over here at Jen's uncles babysitting, and we have to take the kids to feckin' McDonald's cause they've been good all day...bleh...but if I were them, I'd want some fuckin' Arby's, not some shitty ass McDonalds! =) Right on...! But I guess I've got to roll...(heehee, "roll") I shall write more later.... Peace.

Sorry no music tonight. This damn site will never save my entries. This is the 4th one, it had better be saved or I'm gonna hire a band of gypsy midgets to assassinate the perpetrator that keeps fucking up my diary. Dammit...It's a conspiracy... Anyways...it's Jenn's 18th Birthday. It is now February 24th. Has been for an hour and 5 minutes now. Just wanna say happy B-Day to my one and only =) You know I love ya! Last night was Mom's B-Day...big four-zero (40!)...yeh it's always a tough one I guess...we ate at Applebee's...it was a good time. Happy B-Day one more time Momma! =) I start my job tomorrow...and I need some sleepij...sooooo...I'll be off to bed now... =p I really don't mean to cut you all short, but I can't remember what I'm typing and vision sucks so I can't read it either...LOL. Hope it isn't anything too awful disturbing. Oh well...wish me luck with work ROFL. G'Night.... Tom

i wish that your face could be the first thing i see every morning... i wish that your kiss could be the last thing i feel every night... i wish i could run my fingers through your long blonde hair... i wish i could look deep into your beautiful hazel eyes... i wish i could stay with you in eternal bliss and tranquility... i wish i could make you happier than you have ever dreamed of being... i wish that i could give you the world, the sun, and the moon... but all i really want is for you to know... how much I Love You... These are just a few random thoughts about someone in my life that is very special to me. It's kind of like a poem I guess, but it does the trick. It's late...I have things to do tomorrow...and I'm tired...so I'll type more tomorrow... So, goodnight to all...*SNORES*