Hello and good day to all...I'm sorry I haven't been around to write. I figure life's just been giving me too much to do and to think about. Do you ever feel like you're getting burnt out on life? I really hope that I'm not the only person that's had these feelings. I feel like I'm just coasting. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I feel so unsure...and not just about some things, but just about everything. What am I meant to do? Why was I put here? Why am I having such a hard time figuring out my own purpose? When we're young, it seems like such a long time, the time that have here to live...in this world. You learn though, that life is much shorter than what we all thought. I just hope that I don't watch mine pass me by. Enough about that...I guess I can figure it out later...LOL. My girlfriend has got to be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I really just hope that she is happy. Sometimes I feel like I am not enough to keep her. All in all, we are getting along just fine, though. She makes me feel so great. I can't explain the way I feel when she is around. Someday, soon I hope, she'll be my wife. The only thing that I'm absolutely sure about in my life right now, is my love for her. I would honestly give my own life to save hers. There is only one thing about Jennifer that bothers me. It's an old subject, and I know you all have heard quite alot about it. "It" is what we like to call Craig. I have tried and I am still trying, so hard, to accept the fact that she is close to him and that they are still friends. It isn't easy, by any means. There is nothing that can be said or done to make it any easier. I am convinced that it will bother me for as long as it endures. It isn't because I hate the boy. It isn't because I am a jealous freak. Craig is Jennifer's ex. It's that simple. Craig is still in love with my girlfriend. I don't say this because it is what I've heard, I say this because it is what I know. I trust Jennifer, I do. But, I have been in love before. I know what it's like to be around someone that you loved, that you were with, for a long period of time. He needs to get over her. Being around someone that you want, that you feel like you need, does not help the grieving process. It's hard to get over someone when they still call you, they still attempt to see you, and so on. I understand that it's hard to let someone go after all that time, but we must make sacrifices when we move on and begin new things in life. It's the only way. I'm new at this, I've never had to deal with this before. I won't give Jennifer up for anything. I don't care what anyone could offer me. It does hurt though, and that, I don't think she understands. Jennifer and I went to Gino's today, to talk to Mark and Craig. Just about the whole time we were there, Jennifer was looking at Craig, and Craig was looking at Jennifer. She also sat beside Craig. No, I'm not saying anything bad about my girlfriend. I guess I just can't understand how she feels. I don't know! It just makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not comfortable with Jennifer calling him and stuff. I just can't be. I just can't understand why they need to talk on the phone. Their relationship is over. She has someone new. I do know that she loves me, but how am I to know that I can be comfortable with them (she and Craig) interacting that way? I feel horrible because I'm sure me feeling this way and telling her about it makes her feel that I don't trust her. That's not it, at all. It bothers me enough that her parents would both rather her be with him than me. They make that very clear. Especially her Mother. I can clearly see the reasons for them feeling that way. Of course, it's only in a parent's nature to try to push what they think is best for their child. Sure, parents are of course older and wiser, but they are not perfect, just like us (young folk). Just like we are not always right, they aren't either. I firmly believe in doing what makes you, as an invdividual, happy. This goes back to the "life is short" comment earlier in this entry. If you spend your whole life trying to make everyone else happy, you tend to forget about yourself alot of the time. In forgetting about yourself, you forget about others at the same time. I myself am guilty of this, I am not trying to be a hypocrit. I'm probably not making a damn bit of sense. I'm just rambling. Right this very moment, I am happy. I have a great relationship overall. There are a few kinks in the line, just like there are in every relationship. If no one is perfect, how is it possible to have a perfect relationship though? Who knows? All I know is that mine is close enough to perfect to make me happy. I know that one day Jennifer and I will come to an understanding. If I have to wait, I'll wait. She is worth every minute. I am truly in love with her. -- Baby, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I love you with every bit of heart that I have. I will never let go of all the memories that you have given me, and all the ones I'm sure we will make in the future. I am not upset with you. I am just trying to deal with this the best way I know how. You mean more to me than you will ever know. I wish I had words to explain the way I feel, but I don't. They say that there aren't enough words to define true love, though. I really hope that my love is enough to keep you around. When my time is over on this Earth, I want you to be by my side. You have made a permanent impression in my soul. No matter what happens, I will always love you. I just want you to understand how I feel and what my heart is telling me. Without you, I don't know where I would be right now. You have changed my life. All I need is a little time. I promise. I am tryinh so hard to straighten myself out. You've given me every reason to turn my life around and be a better person. I don't know if I could handle my heart getting broken again. I might not be able to put it back together again. You are the only person that I trust not to do it. You are my everything. Everything I have ever wanted. Please, just know, that I cherish every second that I spend with you. I won't ever let go of what we have. No matter what. I Love You. -- Well, I've said enough for now. I will comment later and maybe even have another entry. Sorry about the wait! Rock on ya'll! -Big T