So I finally decided to seek help for my issues. Okay i's a little more than issues but im getting the help i finally need. I had my first appointment yesterday and it went okay. I revealed things i would never ever reveal to anyone else. Most are shameful things i thought i would never say aloud. but i did. i feel a little better about things. Just being able to speak and be audible about the things that hurt me and how they have affected me my life and things alike. i cried probably more than i thought i ever could alot harder too. but to say those things also lifted some of the weight i have been carrying and it came without judgement, or ridicule. i thought i knew who i was but i really think that ive buried that half with all the shit that has burdened my life. Im not well but i hope to be.