Insecure Drinker Syndrome Sitting in my room listening to the drunken cheers of a couple of hundred uni students. There down there rotting there livers and slowly disintegrating there lungs with cigarettes and drugs…how I wish I could join them. To be a different person for just a little while, be confident and charismatic all because of a mind altering drug, wear a Japanese kabuto mask to hide my real feelings and drift away in meaningless conversations with people I don’t care about. It sickens me. Sitting by myself blowing my feelings away in smoke, watching as couples walk past holding each other in loving embraces you would expect from a newly married couple. Over hearing them tell each other about their feelings towards the complete stranger there hoping to fuck. Listening to the all to much abused sayings so that hopefully they’ll get some action, all the while realising I would be doing the same if I was them. Then they will continue to persist with the casual partner for the night with slurred promises of love. Love that means nothing but a cheap fuck for the night, a cheap thrill to be talked about with pride from the male and more likely than not shame from the female. Centuries ago this sort of acting wasn’t even seen in the theatres, now we see it every were. There is a guarantee that it happens in at least one pub per night, at least once a night a woman is raped because of alcohol and wont come forward, this is not a statistical fact but everyone knows its true. There is no longer shame in looking someone in the eyes and lying to them, pretending that your completely honest when all your doing is sweeping someone off their feet then throwing them face first into a mirror, once the person is lying in the shattered glass they see how much they have forsaken values that were common in times past. We have bread a nation of sluts and fuckheads and I cant say that im not one, iv said the nice things to people in the hope of hooking up with them but I cant bring myself to the level of lying to them just for 5 minutes of lust. All it comes down to is that we’ve turned our bodies into chemical dustbins just for the sake of it. There’s no denying the fact that it feels good when your head begins to fuzz and your mind begins to loosen with a belly full of piss. But when is enough? Is it when we can no longer socialise with new people if we are not drowning our insecurities in alcohol. Is it when we realise that we only like some people when our minds are blurred with the sweet sensation of being free. From the start of our lives we were all able to meet new people its only once we hit puberty that we started becoming self conscious, I could take the easy way out and blame the media but that’s just bullshit. Its our own faults mainly for believing any put down sent our way and having no pride in ourselves. Not having enough self respect is more of a problem now days than being homeless, many homeless people you will meet have pride in themselves, yes they’ve fallen on hard times but they still hold there heads up high and continue living. So why is it that us dumb rich kids have to go out on the weekends and get shitfaced in order to tell people exactly what you think of them, have the balls to talk to a girl that you like or be comfortable in a group. Its because we either hate ourselves or love ourselves-there is no in between. The people that love themselves go out drink and continue to be assholes whereas the ones who hate themselves just hide behind the alcohol to make it easier to forget about who they are and just relax. No one should need any drug to relax. Therefore I am one of the greatest hypocrites of all time. I smoke, drink and occasionally do drugs all in the “fun of it.” Why we think this is fun I do not know, everyone remembers their first few times cause they drank more than they could handle and completely wrote themselves off. Thus giving people the impression that all you want to do is party, so the next party rolls around and someone asks, “hey man you gunna get fucked up tonight?” Fuck yes I am!” That response is what breeds a habitual insecure drinker, the notion of being known as a big drinker is the mask of just wanting to be known and noticed. So gradually people get to know you more because your open and honest when your drunk and soon enough your life story is so blurred that people hate you and love you for no reason. People start to be your best mate to your face and then stab you in the back. You start to confide in people and then your secrets are spread your life is common knowledge, the only problem is that its not your life its everyone’s side of your life. Therefore the only way to stop this “insecure drinker” syndrome is to grow some values and some pride. Understand that you need to have high morals in your life, respect the words that society has raped and don’t go slathering them on the first or any of the people you want to violate. Grow some self-pride and dignity in yourself to be able to talk to people without fear of what they’re thinking of you. If everyone woke up to themselves we would all have a life that’s easier than forgetting everything with a bottle of scotch in one hand and a winnie blue in the other.

whats to do when all is done? wheres to go when we cant run? wholl save us when we come undone? id like to see to know what will be our endings, to know how my story stops, how my life stops bending. what will i become when im without you? will it be the same or will it change? do you really affect me that much? or have i tricked myself in0ot believing that you care, hope not cause thats not something i can cope with again. ranting to myself.

so fucking cheap and used...my fault like always...fucking hell why did i bring myself to this...fuck you.

all we all we are is nothing, no one to save our souls, no one who'll crale and hold, now all youll ever be. is nothing, your not me youll never see, youll never see what its like to be free, your trapped inside your dreams, not sorry i didnt hear your screams, cause all you all you are is nothing, your fucked up, broken, retarded. come see me when your all, all by yourself.

once where sweet. hung on your words by the hour, sucked n by your cripled flower, pushed around, lied to, now am i fucking between you. so sour. (WAKE UP)this is now (GET OUT)look what we are (WAKE UP)fade to frown (GET OUT)fucking liar once where sweet, i watched you drift away, looked like a fool to make you stay, told me it would change, you put no effort to re-arrange. so sour. (WAKE UP)this is now (GET OUT)look what we are (WAKE UP)fade to frown (GET OUT)fucking liar you wher so sweet, your taste id fall to eat, now wholl be at your feet, wake up, get out wake up, get out you heard no noise, when i would scream and shout, now your so fucking sour. so sweet so sour, so sweet so sour, so sweet so sour, so sweet so sour, so sweet so sour, so sweet so sour, so sweet so sour, so fucking sour!

when your looking for someone to blame for the state of hte world. we can only blame ourselves. weve created this. we are the screwups. fuck off.

whats it all when all is done. whats there to do. wheres there to run. whos gunna be there. to see us fall. to see us crawl. sitting her all alone. the clouds come for rain. the rain never comes. never bears down on those it loves. please sweep it away. drown the moromies. so they dont stay. flood the senses. wash away all defences. end of malice, sure to come. shine upon us like the sun. pushing now relentless. shifted, swayed now we run. run for love, we run for fun. run for hate, lets temp fate. jump with me. set ourselves free. whast meant to be is sure to come.

its raining. it never rains. i love the rain. gives you time to sit back and mellow out. mellow out without seeing the shit, cause its just all washed away with the sound of rain. everything seems ok. even though im facing the biggest decisions of my life. not petty shit either. what im going to do for the rest of my life. i wonder. whats going to happen when i leave in 3 months. what of my girlfriend? what of my firneds? what of my enemies? what of the people that just dont matter? wish i had a beer. would go well with the rain. for once...peace out.

its funny when you sit back and just let everything blur. it all feels as if its for nothing. your juyst a small smear of colours. colours that mean nothing. colours that can bring pain, hatred, love. hate. you are NOTHING just another face sliding past in a neverending washing-machine style blur of ignorance. doesnt taht make you feel all warm, fuzzy? significant? makes me feel good. i know its all for nothing. we cant change anything. just add some colour to it. our society is just a pile of fucking vomit. one base colour/substance. with bits of difference thrown in. yes you and all your presciouse individuality is nothign but a piece of corn in a puddle of puke. feelin fuzzy yet? well you shouldnt be. (this is added for you TINE) im not trashing life. im simply saying how insignificant a single life is in the scheme of things, also its not trashing society its simply describing it as a puddle of puke. if you read into it you would have caught my drift. sincerely yours robert

cant write.

so young...so fucked, were i belong not seing how much, weve bombed falling into a place of hiding. so young...so fucked, shot down in a blur, then theres no frown swallow it, then leave the ground. so wise...so stupid, see this shadow turn it black, drown in the flow used to be, my own reflection. so wise...so stupid, dream away leaving me, no i want it to stay let you drift, now fade away. so gone...so me, i made this wanted it, now i fucking hate you i'll destroy, whats not true. so gone...so me, afraid to see this dream, its crushed the free taken all, broke my decree. so hollow...not now, words inside cant appear, hate to confide now it sees, how its lied. so hollow...not now, stay away cant hide you, no not today not mine, you dont see me this way. wake up...feel this, dont pretend not numb, feel it ripping in the end hate mellow, dont feel whats real. not real...wish this wall all a dream, twisted and sureal, we wake up and scream, traped inside this cage, founded by your fucking rage, iv felt this hollownes, tried to fill it, fucked it, want to wake up from this fucking dream. made you myself. afraid to look. to see. what i mean to you and me. ............................................. this was influenced alot by trent reznor...not copied just tried to take into conception how he would see things, there are more meanings to this than you will ever comprehend.

ever get the feeling that your fucking empty. all the things you once wanted and had just turned to shit. evrything goes right...in the wrong direction, draged away from what you want and pushed into something that u didnt. well sometimes those things that u didnt want turn out to be great...so why empty? why does it feel like theres no meaning?i fidured something out though...dont like something then fuckit dont do it dont be apart of it. say something you wish you didnt then retract it, im not talking about insulting someone here im talking about when you wish you had. before there was hope now theres just emptyness and hate.hate for what though? hate for nothing hate for what iv done. wich is undescribable, hate isnt something thats fun, doesnt make you feel whole in the end. fuck. people can fill this emptyness, but then what hapens when thers no one, when you want someone to be someone not just someone.(makes sence to me)something i cant explain is how it all works how i work, how im going to come undone is obviouse to none but myself. when its all left unfinished i wont be there for you.

break you down. mercy, i cannot allow. through your face my fist will plow. watching as your blood pours down. LETS DO THIS NOW! ^^^korn-lets do this now. if he ever comes within two meters of her again i will gouge his fucking eyes out with a brick.

look around you, believe the lies i fed you, fall into me, im your false security. living with this, how do you think i exist, pushing outward, scream for forgiveness. you mean nothing, just an idle plaything, thought i cared for you, just fucked with you. your illusion, manifest confusion, you saw me wrong, wasnt playing you along. the fisr three paragraphs in this are what someone thinks of me the last paragraph is what it really is.go ahead judge me from this.

your pain is my fucking gain. i live to see you, to abuse you, to get it through to you. you are nothing less than everything. you are nothing less than everything. YOU ARE NOTHIGN LESS THAN EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING I CREATED. to see you beaten down-hated. you are not in control, this life i cradle-stole. i made you i can break you. i made you i can break you. I MADE YOU I CAN BREAK YOU, break you down to an infant, turn hapines inside out-instant. because...YOU ARE MINE, YOU WILL NEVER BE LESS YOU WILL NEVER BE MORE, I WONT STOP TILL YOUR BLEEDNIG ON THE FLOOR, YOU KILLED EVERYTHING I ADORE. I FUCKING HATE YOU, FOR WHAT YOU MADE ME, YOULL NEVER BE FREE FROM YOU AND ME. wrote this last night whilst in a daze...thought id put it on here...dont like it thats fair enough, i dont particularly like it either.

theres nothing like sitting down to a family dinner and seeing your almighty fucking father take a swing at an 11 year old boy becasue he didnt like vegetables...fuck this shit...he asked for a drink of water and he nearly got his fucking head ripped off...you make me fucking sick, if im ever like you ill have myself fucking shot. i know its not much compared to waht other people go through with there parents but fuck an 11 year old for christs sake, iv lived in a relatively good house but every week or so he still does something that makes me not want to be his fucking child...nothign is ever right or good enough for fucks sake. if ever have kids theres no chance in fuck ill be getting advice of that cunt, id love to see his face when he realizes that im better than him no matter what he thinks.fuck you.

kill yourself one layer at a time, diggin deeper you start to find, the reasons your pushed to shine, no one notices your rusted into a bind. striving to create this new you. any time you want to see, just how you could have been, your never gunna see, never gunna be no your never gunna see and YOUR NEVER GUNNA BE. you were perfect from the womb, you cut and scrape to save youir face, this outside leaves your soul entombed, pitty you believed you were a disgrace, left with nothing from the former you. any time you want to see, just how you could have been, your never gunna see, never gunna be no your never gunna see and YOUR NEVER GUNNA BE. now youv peeled back your skin, and left your body for the taking, you can let the dirt clear lies begin, if only there was method to your faeking, your pure intentions the death of you.

frozen from the core, the black in your eyes cut through me once more. cut my inhibitions, to see my minds many forbiden infections. why cant i see inside, thought i always had someon to confide in. dissapear like the sun, only re-appear when your worlds come undone. knew it wouldnt last, only one hting left to do that involves a fucking blast. your life was mine to hold, hands bitter cracked and cold, pushed everything away, wasnt born to stay. dont cry when its gone, this life was already dirty broken and torn. beauty from the beholder, even when you were crying leaning on my shoulder. wasnt good enough, the closest thing youll ever find to love. has burned out, leaving no memory just a mind in doubt. dont know were to go, boundries in my head decayed so fucking slow. fill your mind with dread, you and me arent dead, but weve already got bullets in our head.

left with no tied end, no good will or thought to lend. shoved blindly and confused, whilst you sit fucking amused. (Pre Chorus) left so hollow cold and reckless, i wont be tehre to give forgiveness. (Chorus) lifes not meant to have no feeling, howd you leave me numb and bleeding, falling into my own, my own world of hollow pain and selfless shame. expect me to stay here, the brutality you dealt so severe. rubbing my face in your mess, taking all i had then expecting fairness. (pre chorus) (Chorus) to you my mind surrendered, like a fly in a web now aprehended. keeping me there with blank promises, expecting me to be your eternal fogriveness. (pre chorus) (Chorus) you want me to tell you its fine, that crosses a fucking thin red line. think ill be here to pick up the pieces, not any more its your mess belive this. (pre chorus) (Chorus) clean up your own fucking mess. clean up your own fucking mess. clean up your own fucking mess. clean up your own fucking mess. clean up your own fucking mess. take me away from all this.

come little one, ILL SHOW YOU HOW TO USE A GUN, THEN YOU CAN PUSH AND SHOVE ANYONE. this pessimist we admire to satisfie our dessire, our passion for pain and fire, why do you believe in a liarr, this guns know your mesiah. shoot them down, SO THEY CAN NEVER TAKE YOUR CROWN, FILL THE VOID WITH BLOOD TO DROWN, why do you believe in a liarr, this guns know your mesiah. why do you believe in a liarr, this guns know your mesiah. never fear again, NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT LURKS WITHIN, THAT RED LINEIN YOUR MIND NOW SO THIN. why do you believe in a liarr, this guns know your mesiah. why do you believe in a liarr, this guns know your mesiah. dont win in the end, THE WORLDS SHATTERED A BULLET YOUR ONLY FRINED, IT STILL LAUGHS AT YOU STILL PUSHES YOU DOWN STILL THE END.