Insecure Drinker Syndrome Sitting in my room listening to the drunken cheers of a couple of hundred uni students. There down there rotting there livers and slowly disintegrating there lungs with cigarettes and drugs…how I wish I could join them. To be a different person for just a little while, be confident and charismatic all because of a mind altering drug, wear a Japanese kabuto mask to hide my real feelings and drift away in meaningless conversations with people I don’t care about. It sickens me. Sitting by myself blowing my feelings away in smoke, watching as couples walk past holding each other in loving embraces you would expect from a newly married couple. Over hearing them tell each other about their feelings towards the complete stranger there hoping to fuck. Listening to the all to much abused sayings so that hopefully they’ll get some action, all the while realising I would be doing the same if I was them. Then they will continue to persist with the casual partner for the night with slurred promises of love. Love that means nothing but a cheap fuck for the night, a cheap thrill to be talked about with pride from the male and more likely than not shame from the female. Centuries ago this sort of acting wasn’t even seen in the theatres, now we see it every were. There is a guarantee that it happens in at least one pub per night, at least once a night a woman is raped because of alcohol and wont come forward, this is not a statistical fact but everyone knows its true. There is no longer shame in looking someone in the eyes and lying to them, pretending that your completely honest when all your doing is sweeping someone off their feet then throwing them face first into a mirror, once the person is lying in the shattered glass they see how much they have forsaken values that were common in times past. We have bread a nation of sluts and fuckheads and I cant say that im not one, iv said the nice things to people in the hope of hooking up with them but I cant bring myself to the level of lying to them just for 5 minutes of lust. All it comes down to is that we’ve turned our bodies into chemical dustbins just for the sake of it. There’s no denying the fact that it feels good when your head begins to fuzz and your mind begins to loosen with a belly full of piss. But when is enough? Is it when we can no longer socialise with new people if we are not drowning our insecurities in alcohol. Is it when we realise that we only like some people when our minds are blurred with the sweet sensation of being free. From the start of our lives we were all able to meet new people its only once we hit puberty that we started becoming self conscious, I could take the easy way out and blame the media but that’s just bullshit. Its our own faults mainly for believing any put down sent our way and having no pride in ourselves. Not having enough self respect is more of a problem now days than being homeless, many homeless people you will meet have pride in themselves, yes they’ve fallen on hard times but they still hold there heads up high and continue living. So why is it that us dumb rich kids have to go out on the weekends and get shitfaced in order to tell people exactly what you think of them, have the balls to talk to a girl that you like or be comfortable in a group. Its because we either hate ourselves or love ourselves-there is no in between. The people that love themselves go out drink and continue to be assholes whereas the ones who hate themselves just hide behind the alcohol to make it easier to forget about who they are and just relax. No one should need any drug to relax. Therefore I am one of the greatest hypocrites of all time. I smoke, drink and occasionally do drugs all in the “fun of it.” Why we think this is fun I do not know, everyone remembers their first few times cause they drank more than they could handle and completely wrote themselves off. Thus giving people the impression that all you want to do is party, so the next party rolls around and someone asks, “hey man you gunna get fucked up tonight?” Fuck yes I am!” That response is what breeds a habitual insecure drinker, the notion of being known as a big drinker is the mask of just wanting to be known and noticed. So gradually people get to know you more because your open and honest when your drunk and soon enough your life story is so blurred that people hate you and love you for no reason. People start to be your best mate to your face and then stab you in the back. You start to confide in people and then your secrets are spread your life is common knowledge, the only problem is that its not your life its everyone’s side of your life. Therefore the only way to stop this “insecure drinker” syndrome is to grow some values and some pride. Understand that you need to have high morals in your life, respect the words that society has raped and don’t go slathering them on the first or any of the people you want to violate. Grow some self-pride and dignity in yourself to be able to talk to people without fear of what they’re thinking of you. If everyone woke up to themselves we would all have a life that’s easier than forgetting everything with a bottle of scotch in one hand and a winnie blue in the other.