9:37 PM today was an AMAZING day. well, until i talked to doug. and i dont mean that as in it was bad, it just..got emotional. we finally discussed what needed to be discussed-was i staying or was i leaving? obviously you all know what that decision was. but it was time to face up and say it to him. i was absolutely amazed at the courage and bravery of this man. he took everything so well, and was completely understanding. who knew?! i am so grateful for his heart and his love for me. it takes alot of love to accept someone for who they are, especially when it doesnt benefit you. i do love him dearly. i mean how could i not? he gave me a beautiful daughter that i brought into this world, who we now share. as sad as i am to see this end at my expense, i think a new beginning for us is in store. =) i feel in my heart that we are going to become the best of friends. closer than most i have had throughout my life. and there is nothing more i can ask for, other than his happiness. as well as my daughters, and my own. he deserves someone who loves him. and i mean LOVE loves him. in the complete and utter romantic way that we all want and dream about. he is an amazing person, and deserves someone who can appreciate that-in that way. and unfortunately, thats not me. BUT that doesnt mean that i dont appreciate him, because i really do, with all my heart, just not in the way that he wants. fact of the matter is, i AM gay. i know i am. thats something i cannot change. so therefore, i must deal with. im scared to death to try and take this path once again..but i know i have so much support and love around me, that its worth every bit of struggle and hardship. i know ill get through it. i always do. and i just hope that all the people that i love, know that i love them and that i appreciate all their love and support. whether it be my parents, my friends, or doug... i wouldnt make it without them. tomorrow is a start for new beginnings. im looking forward to the beginning of the rest of my life.